Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow,
That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow?
Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet,
Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.
Vio. My lord, I do protest,-

O, do not swear;
Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear.

Enter SIR ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK, with his head broke. Sir And. For the love of God, a surgeon; send one presently to Sir Toby.

Oli. What's the matter?

Sir And. He has broke my head across, and has given Sir Toby a bloody coxcomb too: for the love of God, your help: I had rather than forty pound, I were at home. Oli. Who has done this, Sir Andrew?

Sir And. The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate. Duke. My gentleman, Cesario?

Sir And. Od's lifelings, here he is:-You broke my head for nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't by Sir Toby.

Vio. Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you: You drew your sword upon me without cause;

But I bespake you fair, and hurt you not.

Sir And. If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me; I think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, drunk, led by the Clown. Here comes Sir Toby halting; you shall hear more: but if he had not been in drink, he would have tickled you othergates than he did.

Duke. How now, gentleman? How is't with you? Sir To. That's all one: he has hurt me, and there's an end on't. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?

Clo. O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes were set at eight i' the morning.

Sir To. Then he's a rogue and a passy-measures pavin; I hate a drunken rogue.

Oli. Away with him: who hath made this havoc with them? Sir And. I'll help you, Sir Toby, because we'll be dressed together.

Sir To. Will you help? - An ass-head, and a cox-comb, and a knave? A thin-faced knave, a gull?

Oli. Get him to bed, and let his hurt be looked to. [Exeunt Clown, SIR TOBY and SIR ANDREW,


Seb. I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman; But had it been the brother of my blood,

I must have done no less with wit and safety.
You throw a strange regard upon me, and
By that I do perceive it hath offended you;
Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows
We made each other but so late ago.

Duke. One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons; A natural perspective, that is, and is not.

Seb. Antonio! O, my dear Antonio,

How have the hours racked and tortured me,

Since I have lost thee!

Ant. Sebastian are you?


Fear'st thou that, Antonio?

Ant. How have you made division of yourself?-
An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin

Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?
Oli. Most wonderful!

Seb. Do I stand there? I never had a brother;
Nor can there be that deity in my nature,
Of here and everywhere. I had a sister,
Whom the blind waves and surges have devoured:
Of charity, what kin are you to me?

What countryman? What name? What parentage?
Vio. Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father;
Such a Sebastian was my brother too.
So went he suited to his watery tomb:
If spirits can assume both form and suit,
You come to fright us.

A spirit I am, indeed;
But am in that dimension grossly clad,
Which from the womb I did participate.
Were you a woman, as the rest goes even,
I should my tears let fall upon your cheek,
And say-Thrice welcome, drowned Viola!
Vio. My father had a mole upon his brow.
Seb. And so had mine.

Vio. And died that day when Viola from her birth Had numbered thirteen years.

Seb. O, that record is lively in my soul!

He finished, indeed, his mortal act,

That day that made my sister thirteen years.

Vio. If nothing lets to make us happy both,

But this my masculine usurped attire,

Do not embrace me, till each circumstance

Of place, time, fortune, do cohere, and jump,
That I am Viola; which to confirm,

I'll bring you to a captain in this town,

Where lie my maiden weeds; by whose gentle help
I was preserved, to serve this noble count:
All the occurrence of my fortune since

Hath been between this lady and this lord.
Seb. So comes it, lady, you have been mistook:

But nature to her bias drew in that.
You would have been contracted to a maid;
Now are you therein, by my life, deceived;
You are betrothed both to a maid and man.
Duke. Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.-
If this be so, as yet the glass seems true,
I shall have share in this most happy wreck:
Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times,


Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.
Vio. And all those sayings will I overswear;
And all those swearings keep as true in soul,
As doth that orbed continent the fire
That severs day from night.


Give me thy hand; And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds.

Vio. The captain, that did bring me first on shore, Hath my maid's garments: he, upon some action,

Is now in durance, at Malvolio's suit,

A gentleman and follower of my lady's.

Oli. He shall enlarge him:fetch Malvolio hither: And yet, alas, now I remember me,

They say, poor gentleman, he's much distract.

Re-enter Clown, with a letter.

A most extracting frenzy of mine own

From my remembrance clearly banished his.-
How does he, sirrah?

Clo. Truly, madam, he holds Beelzebub at the stave's end, as well as a man in his case may do; he has here writ a letter to you; I should have given it to you to-day morning; but as a madman's epistles are no gospels, so it skills not much when they are delivered.

Oli. Open it, and read it.

Clo. Look then to be well edified, when the fool delivers the madman. By the Lord, madam,

Oli. How now! art thou mad?

Clo. No, madam, I do but read madness; an your ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must allow vox. Oli. Pr'ythee, read i' thy right wits.

Clo. So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits, is to read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear. Oli. Read it you, sirrah. [To FABIAN.

Fab. [Reads.] By the Lord, Madam, you wrong me, and the world shall know it: though you have put me into darkness, and given your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not but to do myself much right, or you much shame. Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of, and speak out of my injury.

Oli. Did he write this?
Clo. Ay, madam.

The madly-used Malvolio.

Duke. This savers not much of distraction.

Oli. See him delivered, Fabian; bring him hither.

[Exit FABIAN. My lord, so please you, these things further thought on, To think me as well a sister as a wife,

One day shall crown the alliance on't, so please you, Here at my house, and at my proper cost.

Duke. Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.Your master quits you [To VIOLA]; and, for your service done him,

So much against the mettle of your sex,
So far beneath your soft and tender breeding,
And since you called me master for so long,
Here is my hand; you shall from this time be
Your master's mistress.

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Mal. Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter: You must not now deny it is your hand:

Write from it, if you can, in hand, or phrase;

Or say 'tis not your seal, nor your invention:

You can say none of this: well, grant it then,
And tell me, in the modesty of honor,

Why you have given me such clear lights of favor;
Bade me come smiling, and cross-gartered to you,
To put on yellow stockings, and to frown
Upon Sir Toby, and the lighter people;
And, acting this in an obedient hope,
Why have you suffered me to be imprisoned,
Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,
And made the most notorious geck, and gull,
That e'er invention played on? Tell me why.
Oli. Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,
Though, I confess, much like the character:
But, out of question, 'tis Maria's hand.
And now I do bethink me, it was she

First told me thou wast mad: then cam'st in smiling,
And in such forms which here were presupposed
Upon thee in the letter. Pr'ythee, be content:
This practice hath most shrewdly passed upon thee;
But, when we know the grounds and authors of it,
Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge

Of thine own cause.


Good madam, hear me speak; And let no quarrel, nor no brawl to come,

Taint the condition of this present hour,

Which I have wondered at. In hope it shall not,
Most freely I confess, myself and Toby
Set this device against Malvolio here,
Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts
We had conceived against him: Maria writ
The letter, at Sir Toby's great importance;
In recompense whereof, he hath married her.
How with a sportful malice it was followed,
May rather pluck on laughter than revenge;
If that the injuries be justly weighed,
That have on both sides passed.

Oli. Alas, poor fool! how have they baffled thee! Clo. Why, some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrown upon them. I was one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but that's all one:By the Lord, fool, I am not mad. But do you remember? Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal? An you smile not, he's gagged: And thus the whirligig of Time brings in his revenges.

Mal. I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you. [Exit. Oli. He hath been most notoriously abused.

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