The soldier talks of battle,

The grazier sells his cattle,
Conversation to provoke;
Till the juice of the barrel
Begets some curious quarrel,

While the company's lost in smoke.

(Spoken.)-Upon my soul, neighbour, I had no hand in the death of your wife; it was all in the way of business. Nay, but Doctor, 'twere a cursed unneighbourly thing of you, not that the woman were any sitch great things, but to put a body to sitch an expense.-Why you don't tell me so! killed fifteen with your own hand: Fifteen, by my laurels! D'ye hear that, butcher? Hear it, yes; but I'll lay'n what he dares he has not killed so many as I have by hundreds.-Powder my whiskers.-Come, come gentlemen, says the Bellows-maker, no breezes. Let me exhort you to temperance, says the Parson.-Amen, says the Clerk.-That's right, says the Undertaker, let us bury all animosities.-That's what I like, says the Fiddler, I like to see harmony restored-D'ye tho'? you like to see harmony restored!

Why, then, here's to you, Mr. Wiggins,
Here's to you Mr. Higgins,

So put the beer about, &c.

ALLISTER M'ALLISTER.

O Allister M'Allister,

Your chanter sets us a' astir,

Then to your bags, and blaw wi birr,
We'll dance the Highland fling.

Now Allister has tun'd his pipes,
And thrang as bum-bees frae their bykes,
The lads and lasses loup the dykes,

And gather on the green.

O Allister M'Allister, &c.

The miller, Hab, was fidgin-fain
To dance the Highland fling his lane;
He lap as high as Elspa's wame,
The like was never seen.

As round about the ring he whuds,
An' cracks his thums, and shakes his duds,
The meal flew frae his tail in cluds,
And blinded a' their een.

O Allister M'Allister, &c.

Neist rackle-handed smiddy Jock,
A' blacken'd o'er wi' coom and smoke,
Wi' shachlan blear-e'ed Bess did yoke,
That slaverin-gabbit quean.

He shook his doublet in the wund,
His feet, like hammers, struck the grund,
The very moudiwarts were stunn'd,
Nor ken'd what it cou'd mean.
O Allister M'Allister, &c.

Now wanton Willie was nae blate,
For he got haud o' winsome Kate;
Come here, quo' he, I'll show the gate,
To dance the Highland fling.
The Highland fling he danc'd wi' glee,
And lap as he were gaun to flee;
Kate bak'd and bob'd sae bonnilee,
And tript it light and clean.

O Allister M'Allister, &c.

Now Allister has done his best,
And weary hough's are wantin' rest;
Besides, they sair wi' drouth were strest,

Wi' dancin' sae, I ween:

I true the gantrees gat a lift,

And round the bicker flew like drift,

And Allister, that very night,

Could scarcely stan' his lane.

O Allister M'Allister, &c.

MOGGY ADAIR.

WHAT'S all the world to me?

Desert and bare!

Moggy won't go with me

To Dundee fair.

There it was limping Ned

Gave her a ribbon red,

For which I broke his head

(All for)

Moggy Adair!

Who made the saucepan shine?

Moggy Adair!

Who boil'd nice dumplins nine?

Moggy Adair!

Who, when they all were done,
Because I didn't run,

Eat 'em up every one,

(0, cruel) Moggy Adair!

But now thou'rt cold to me,

False, I declare!

WHEN I was at home with my father and mother,
I bate the ould couple, and Thady my brother,
At larning I mane! for I handled my spade,
And nately I follow'd the turf-cutting trade.

But ould father Murphy, our parish director,
He now and then gave me a bit of a lecture;
Arrah, Barney, says he, you're a frolicksome elf,
But be a good boy and take care of yourself.

With your toorle lol, toorle lol, toorle lol loo,
Toorle lol, loorle lol, toorle lol loo.

My Judy I lov'd, and oft gave her a kiss,
Fie! Barney, says she, but ne'er took it amiss;
One night I took leave, says I, Judy, I'm off;
But I heard, as I thought, in the closet a cough.
So I open'd the door, and I star'd like a pig,
There stood ould father Murphy, without hat or wig,
Arrah, father, says I, you're a frolicksome elf,
But be a good boy, and take care of yourself.

With your toorle lol, &c.

I was going, but ould father Murphy cried, Stay,
We'll settle this matter, I'll tell you the way,
I'll marry you straight, and then Barney, you
know-
Thank'ee, father, says I, but I'd much rather go.
So to ould father Murphy I bade a good night,
And to Judy, I said, what you'll own was quite right,
Arrah, Judy, says I, you're a frolicksome elf,
But I'll be a good boy and take care of myself.
With my toorle lol, &c.

BEGGARS AND BALLAD SINGERS.

THERE's a diff'rence to be seen 'twixt a beggar and a

queen,

And I'll tell you the reason why,

The queen she cannot swagger, nor get drunk like a

beggar,

Nor be half so happy as I, as I;

Nor be half so happy as I

(Spoken.)-Now, you see, I'll tell you my reason whyThe queen is obliged to support a dignified station, which I takes to be cursedly troublesome; now I can change shapes as often as I please, and when I choose to leave off being a gemman, why I can give you a touch of the blackguard; moreover, d'ye see, I'm a bit of slight-of-hand man, and deals in legerdemain, hocus pocus, and such like. To be sure, I seldom talks about honesty, and that kind of stuff, for that's nothing more than

Fol lol de riddle, &c.

Like a sailor from the wars, cover'd over with scars, When I choose in that character to beg,

With my knuckles held so flat, and in 'tother arm my hat,

And thus I contract up my leg, my leg.

(Spoken.)-Look down with an eye of pity on an unfortunate seaman. I lost my precious leg with gallant Nelson, God bless him! and I value the loss of my pin no more than a bit of old mouldy biscuit.

My starboard arm I lost in action soon,

And my larboard leg on the glorious first of June;
Return'd to dock I'd found I'd lost my vife,
Which loss I bore the best in all my life.

(Spoken.)-Fire a shot a-stern, my worthy master; spare a
copper to poor Jack.-'Send you may never know the loss of
a leg or an eye.-
-There, good man, there's a halfpenny
for you; you're an honour to your country.- -An honour,
God bless you, my worthy soul, that's what I am; though
my honour, like most other honourable gentlemen's, is all-
Fol lol, &c.

With a hump on my back people's charity I sack,
In that I'm at home to a T;

With a snuffle in my nose, I their feelings discompose,
And thus I contract up my knee, my knee.