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himself down, and in three minutes and fancy unextinguishable. His own snored like a pig. Laugh at it-laugh head was the best of his bronzes. You at it, and so laugh at yourself. He thought his description exquisite_it sleeps—that is more than you will, was so did it make no more permayour head will never lie easy on your nent impression than that transitory pillow again ; when night closes upon admiration? Somehow or other the conyour crops for growth or for blight, versation fell upon the badness of the or if ripe for depredators, you will times. He described how, at the comdream of thieves and foxes prowling mencement of the war, he returned about your poultry-yard. I went last from his charming Italy; the funds had week to see poor old farmer S-: you fallen immensely, and he found himself know something went wrong with thereby minus half his property; at the him, and there he is in a lunatic asy- same time, every thing else was rising. lum. He told me he could not sleep How he settled himself in a small neat a wink at nights, for his sheep patting villa near town, and still went on with about his room all night. What his tasteful pursuits—the arts, literamisery, to be ruined by then when in ture, and benevolent schemes. Some his senses, and to be haunted by them of them, it must be confessed, whimsiwhen they had driven him out of his cal enough, to do every body all the senses !! I thought of you.

good in the world. Still he found that, Is it too late to be “a word to the if his means were decreased, his family wise?” When your labourer rests from was increasing ; and so, in an evil mohis work, your work will be going on. ment, he thought of selling out his You may, indeed, quote your favourite stock, and buying a farm. And how Gray

was he led to this? He found his “ The ploughman homeward plods his horse, then another, professing walk

neighbours first putting down one weary way,

ing was much better for their health And leaves the world to darkness and to

than a servant, adding, with a forced

smile, how pleasant it was to be inde. You may well call it darkness, for you pendent of such plagues. Then, rising will have it black enough-all will be one morning very early, he found his black, even your corn, for that will be neighbour, who had hitherto been an sooted. And when all your projects indolent and luxurious man, up before fail, and you are really ruined-for I see him, and at work in his garden, prono other end if you pursue this folly— fessing, as his reason, that his physiwhat bantering, jeering, and insult there cian bad ordered the exercise for him ; will be at the sale of your stock, and and so it went on, with a thousand what bitter sacrifice! You had better little mean subterfuges, that every sell off all now, while you can with a body was doing every thing he could good grace; but " quem deus vult per. for himself

, and reducing expenditure dere, prius dementat." You ought to as much as possible. Now, our excelhave been made wise, for it was in lent old friend, Cartoon, hated subteryour presence I heard our excellent fuges and excuses, had always spoken old friend George Cartoon go through his mind and told the truth, and would his experiences of farming. Do not

still do so.

So he told all his neigh. you remember how we were sitting bours why they did what they did, one summer evening in his little snug- and thenceforth determined manfully gery, with all his drawings about him, to do his best ; and so it was he bought and his portfolios of prints, his collec

a farm. tion of Bonasonis and Mark-Antonios? He had at first thought of going and we looked out upon his little gar- to America, and so being a settler den, which he had Italianized, and in the back settlements-a friend had there were his vases, his antiques, his gone there, and sent him a true account terra cottas ; and between his rows of of things; and such an account! The shelves of " choice Italian,” his beau. settler had scarcely arrived was, in tiful drawing of the Lake of Nemi, the fact, putting up a few drawings, and green'transparent“speculum Dianæ," his daughters were arranging their and there was he, in the evening of trifling ornaments around the room, life, the sun gilding a countenance and trying the keys of their pianobeaming with benevolence, intelligence, when in broke two monsters, who called

6

themselves visiters, come to introduce or manager, met him. Then came themselves to the new settler. One a volley of disasters; the neighbours' poked his stick through the glass of a cattle had broken into his pasture; drawing, the other threw a glass hold the poor had destroyed his hedges for ing flowers out of the window, both firewood. Half his sheep were going saying, “ We don't want such things fast with the rot. • Well," thought here ; if you live here, you must live he, as bo push'd the man out of the as we do ;" and then banging his room, "I will have my breakfast stick down on the piano, enough to first," and so down he sat; and scarcesplit it, “What,” quoth one, “d'ye ly had he tasted the first morsel, when bring this thing here for; and I 'spose the man came in again to tell him that your daughters squall to it, hey?” his cattle had broken into a neighand then he set up such a laugh. The bour's field, who had sent word to say new settler declared it was not human he had put them in the pound, and "nec vox hominem sonat,"-and would measter be pleased to go and must have been acquired in the fo- get them out. 'Hang 'em all," said rests. Well, this new settler was Cartoon, “ let me have my breakfast ;" soon sick of it; but, before he broke and away went the man. Then in up, wrote to dissuade Cartoon from rushed Jenny Lake, the dairymaid, in being a settler. So, to go back from a rage, that Sally Goodman's big boy this parenthesis, he bought a farm; had throw'd a stick at the gander, and where do you think? Our worthy and killed him. Her he pushed our friend knew nothing of land but by of the room, and this time locked the sketching it, and his studies had been door. It wasn't long before it was among mountains-he liked the wild- invaded again, but he was deaf to all ness and beauty of them; and so, entreaty to open it; repeating just rather inconsiderately, he made his “ Can't come in, can't come in." purchase among the stoney hills of Breakfast over, out he went, fairly

In truth, his land was none of intending to buckle himself to his task the best, and it would have broken the of calamities, and know them all. The spirit of an iron farmer to have broken list was long, and bad enough ; and it in. It was about as stubborn a piece he never found himself, he said, with of goods, as had ever fallen to the lot all his imagined knowledge and power of man to have to subdue. All this of invention, so completely at a loss. he did not know when he bought it. However, having in some sort settled Experience is the thing, and happy is the most urgent, and left others to he who can get out of such experience settle themselves, he thought he had as poor Cartoon did. But his descrip. done enough for the first day; and he tion was not of his getting out of it, determined to indulge himself, and but into it. First, being, totius in be free from all further interruptions, illis, by nature an enthusiast in what. So being, as you know, a lover of the cver he takes up, he read nothing but picturesque, he wandered among the agricultural works; thought he must rocks, and seeing a snug place under do the thing in earnest_had an auc- a broad shadow"Here," thought he, tion of his curiosities of taste-his ex- " not a soul will ever find me out ;'' pensive library-nay, went so far as, and here, down he sat, took out his finding some not fetch the price they little book and apparatus to sketch, should, he gave them away. But his thinking he would have the beauty, if real friends would not acccept them, but not the profit of the country. Scarcely deposited them for him, knowing well had he spread his paper before him, that their friend would come back to when a farmer, riding along the road his taste, or his taste to him; and so some distance below him, (and noit turned out; and many a day have thing less than the sharp eyes of Ma. you and I admired that happy rem- levolence, he vowed, could ever have nant of books, portfolios, and pictures; found him out) spied him, and thus and surrounded with which I drew called out to him :-“ Holloa, meas. his picture when he detailed to us his ter; the craws be picking out the eyes farming experiences. You remember of your lambs." “ What,” cried Carthe taking possession--how he settled toon, “ do they do these things here first his family at the town of

too?" and so he gave up his sketching and arrived at his farm one morning for that day. Nor did he close his first before breakfast, where his land-bailiff, day without so many disasters unlook

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my coat."

ed for, unspeculated upon, that when This man he engaged to ride after a he laid his head on his pillow, he trio of farmers at a little distance. He thought it stuffed with the thorns of did so; and when they came to the his land ; and when he did sleep, cross road, he pretended to turn his dreamed he was gored by his neigh- horse's head another way, and threw bour's bull, which he always consider- his voice into the beast's mouth ed a prophetic dream, for, a few weeks “ Don't pull me so, for I'd rather go after, he had but a narrow escape along with these farmers.” Off set from the ferocious creature of a more the farmers as fast as they could galferocious master. Thus ended his first lop, verily thinking a greater thief in day and night.

grain than themselves was after them. However, he was in for it, and could Dear, worthy, now, alas ! too aged not well get out of it; and for several Cartoon, the world, with all its ingramonths endured torments agricultural, titude, by which word "world” is albeyond what his imagination, a fertile ways meant ten miles round, will be one, could have drawn. He couldn't sad when all your days are numbered. sell his sheep, he said; and one day ask- Nothing can quench the glorious fire ed a farmer, who seemed most friendly of your animation, while life lasts. to him, the reason. " Why,” quoth he, Fortune has run full butt against you, you should put big buttons on your

and retreated manca,

maimed coat, and drive 'em to the fair, as we by your wit and cutting smile. No do, and be there, d'ye see, yourself.” darkness, without nor within, can 6 Well,” said Cartoon, “ since I had dim the illumination your rapid come to infra dig, I thought for once, words throw upon all subjects. To buttons shouldn't stand in my way, know you still live, and are happy, and for once I would not have a soul is a recompense for some of the above buttons ; so I got the pattern of wrongs the world have done me; the farmer's, and big buttons had I to and when you die, if pure Christian

And so to fair he went. benevolence ever ascended to hapOne came and pinched his sheep, and pier mansions than of this world, went away; another did the same; there will be such provided for you, but nobody bought, ask what price he and who knows if you may not there would ; and by degrees all went away, again count over your Bonasonis ? and he found himself left in the fair Terrestrial thoughts and images crowd with his detestable sheep. Nobody upon terrestrial vision, and, till the would buy them ; and most grinned mists be removed from before it, your and walked off when they had felt cheerful and benignant face, in your them. Then the greatest annoyance snuggery of art and of books, will be he had in doing as the farmers did, ever to me a picture of present happiwas in returning from fairs-stopping ness, and of hope and promise of its with them at inns; and, in those fine continuance for ever. days, they drank their bottles of wine, Is this stepping out of philosophy ? as well as spirits. Now, Cartoon de. Now, my friend, be wise from his ex tested drinking, and nearly killed him. ample, and turn once more to be a senself in the attempt to do as “we farm- sible man. Resist, if it be not too late, ers” do. On one occasion, he asked the the temptation. " Take the bull by the same farmer again, when the wine was horns”-no, that is an evil omen, have in him, why he could not sell his nothing to do with bulls, nor cows. sheep. “Because, to tell you the truth, You have already been vaccinated and they don't like gemmen, and won't caught the infection--the love of cattle. buy of a gemman. ." " Then,” thought You are like St Antony, tempted by all Cartoon to himself, “I'll give up;" unclean beasts. Soon your taste will deand so he did ; and sold his farm, generate into the porcine; they were luckily, at no great loss. He laughed devils that entered into swine, take care very heartily, and said he had one the swine do not enter into you. Then trifling, and he hoped innocent, re- your very similes, and all your ideas, venge upon his agriculturist neigh will be höggish- you will consider the bours. On the road, one day, he met summum bonum to be a good bacon some caravans going to the fair at pig. “ A-talking of sows," drawled B-, and fell into conversation with out a farmer to another, “ how's your a gentleman riding the same road. He wife ?” Was any thing ever more turned out to be the celebrated ven- thoroughly porcine? Such fellows are triloquist of the west of England. blind to every other beauty, they go about with a sty, in their eye. You ments. You will waste your genius in will prefer offal to romance. A vile inventing rat-traps, and when asked batcher will be your real Orlando, and what is your study, will answer with Angelicas you will see no more: vay, Edgar in Lear, the soft touch of woman's hand will

“ To prevent the foul fiend, and kill furnish you with no other idea but

vermin.” that it would make good butter. Abel

You will write against blockheads, the student was rusticated “ to sow

and make no impression. I remem. his wild oats," fell in love with the ber well when I was a boy at school, butter-woman, and made horned cattle

a shrewd little fellow that had lived in his friends, and became as one of town all his little life till he came to them. There is no end to examples school, laying a wager he would write all around and about you, to deter you in a Farmer's Magazine and be -but I fear you are infatuated. The

answered. We thought it impossible, ignis fatuus of agriculture is leading

as he knew nothing more of the mat. you a' dance into a quagmire. Had ter, excuse me if I say, than you do. you been weary of your letter'd ease, He wrote on the drilling of turnipsand wished more active employment, describing, with great ambiguity of consistent with your profession, you expression and circumlocution, a new might have worked your fingers to the method, which, if it could be at all bone with great eclat for bazars- understood, was the mere momentary you might have done any folly of that

vagary of his brain. Away went his kind, and been praised and thought

paper-it was inserted—more, it was the worthier-you might have made

answered-more, it raised a whirlwind reverend baby clothes, you might have of controversy, declarations of expericobbled from morning to night, and ments, failures, and success. He had made infant shoes to defray expenses a host of abettors and antagonists—and of building a church—any thing better by some the originality of his plan was than putting your own shoes down in doubted, and by others claimed as the mire and clay at the tail of your their own. A pretty tribe for your plough. I suppose you have been learned pen and learned leisure--but reading The Farmers' Boy, or some

I forgot, leisure you will have nonesuch stuff — Bloomfield, by-the-by, not a moment, there will be always was a cobbler, and left his trade for something to be done, to be looked at, poetry, and wrote his agricultural

or to be mended. You will be worn to a praises, and one of his own lines ex

shred, to a skeleton ; you will be pinched presses to a nicety the change,

like a snipe, and your nose be as sharp And dirt usurps the empire of his shoes.” -methinks I see you, like him, poking He had better cobbled on; he might it into the ground to try to live upon have risen to be Emperor of Morocco, suction. It will be the death of you. Had he stuck to his trade, his trade However, farewell, light lie the earth would have stuck by him—and so I upon you when you die, for it will be fear did his poetry, for it stuck, though the heaviest of burdens upon you as it had Loftus's lift. If the cacoethes long as you live. Concern not your. scribendi comes upon you, you will self about your epitaph. That shall write in the Farmers' Magazine, and be the last office of the pen of your such works, and get into controversies loving and truth-telling friend, not upon the breeding of pigs and planting only till, but after death, of cabbages-a worthy object indeed

EUSEBIUS. for all your learning and your acquire

REPLY TO EUSEBIUS,

I have laughed very heartily, my for a cold. My farming has been on the dear Eusebius, at your fears, real or smallest scale; yet, small as it has been, pretended, respecting my agricultural I was determined not to reply to your pursuits. I certainly told you I in. letter, until I could supply you with tended to turn farmer, and it was a both the result and detail of my expespecimen of the presumption of speech. rience. But as, in the interval, you I might, with as much truth, have said have neither come to me or written to I was going to set up as physician, me, nor, as far as I know, acted the because I had recommended a recipe cautious friend, by setting unseen keepers about my ways to ascertain and avaricious. I was like the glassthe extent of my lunacy, I conclude seller in the “ Arabian Tale," in buildyour letter to have been the resulting castles, and destroying the means of one of your own vagaries, which whereof to build them. I will not be evaporated as the ink dried. Small wearisome by enumerating all my as the scale of my experiment has been, little disasters, but merely tell you I am free to confess, my dear Eusebius, how I managed about my sheep. I that had my scale been extended, I do had a day.labourer who served me as not believe you to have been guilty of a hind: he was a faithful and honest any exaggeration, nor that your picture fellow, I believe, but a bit of a wag; would have been a caricature. I he had a dry humour about him, not will, in the very commencement, that I, by any means, would say he did set your mind at rest. My farm not do his best to moisten it; he was ing, of which you make so black about forty years of age, a little man, an account, is at an end—“ Othello's every feature in his face seemed to occupation's gone"-I have in dis- have a screw in it, which he could gust thrown all up--the unpleasant move either way at pleasure; whenfeeling has worn off, and I can now ever he spoke seriously he always laugh with the best of them, at my- looked straight at a wall, (if one was self. I made known to you my inten- near him,) or the bole of a tree, or, if tion to purchase a few acres ; you said no such object presented itself, at his nothing to dissuade me from so doing. fingers, (and they looked like things I bought, and thinking the next step grown out of rough ground ;) but in life was to acquire some knowledge whenever there was a sly meaning in of agriculture, determined to manage what he had to say, he always looked it myself; perhaps I should have said up in your face, let out some of his mismanage. I had no conception of screws, and tightened others, and the interest taken in these pursuits ; nearly half-closed one eye, and all but my anxiety, at first pleasing, soon be quite the other, and inclined his head a came so intense as to be perfectly trifle towards his right shoulder. This painful. I will not tire you with an would have amused me, but I soon account of all my minute concerns- discovered it was his usual mode of tell. you have well described them by as- ing that something or other went serting they would afford no rest. But wrong, something out of its usual so had I been given up to other, I may course, which he meant to show went say quite other, pursuits, that though wrong through my fault. But “ refor a time I had with much resolution venons a nos moutons”-my first purdiscarded them practically, they would chase of sheep happened thus: I was force themselves upon my mind, when recommended to send to the fair of I was striving to fix it upon matters and told what I ought to give relating to my new occupation. The for half-a-score of ewes. Before the effect was, that I began to be a cold fair day, however, as I was walking utilitarian, and to look upon my along the road, near my garden gate, former studies with something like I met à large flock of sheep, and contempt—then as enemies. This some drovers. I found they were was a lamentable state; I had forsaken going to the fair. Here, thought I, the delight of all my days, and resem- is an opportunity not to be lost-no bled Cowley's state, described by him trouble of sending to fair-and a maniin the “ Abeyance of Love,"

fest saving in having them driven

home; I found, too, the price was “ Thousand worse passions then pos- much under what I was told to give, so sess'd

I thought myself perfectly safe : sheep The interregnum of my breast.”

were sheep, and the sheep I bought I felt degraded, for I had lost one -and without the aid of my man. ingredient of happiness, and certainly When he came up, (as he was sent for not found another. And I was con- to put the sheep in the field,) I said with scious that I was, in all proper know- an air of some importance, never hav. ledge that should become a man, ing been the master of so many ani(i. e. a farmer,) decidedly inferior to mals before, “ Here, Richard, I have the lowest of the grade. Iam afraid, bought to night these sheep." - Which, had prosperity crowned my little ata sir," said he, “ewes or wethers ?" I tempt, I should have become penurious am ashamed to confess, Eusebius, that

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