THE MODERN PATRIOT.

I.

REBELLION is my theme all day;
I only wish 'twould come

(As who knows but perhaps it may?)

A little nearer home.

II.

Yon roaring boys, who rave and fight
On t'other side th' Atlantick,

I always held them in the right,
But most so when most frantick.
III.

When lawless mobs insult the court,
That man shall be my toast,
If breaking windows be the sport,
Who bravely breaks the most.
IV.

But O! for him my fancy culls
The choicest flow'rs she bears,

Who constitutionally pulls
Your house about your ears.

V.

Such civil broils are my delight,

Though some folks can't endure them,

Who say the mob are mad outright,

And that a rope must cure them.
VI.

A rope! I wish we patriots had

Such strings for all who need 'emWhat! hang a man for going mad! Then farewell British freedom.

ON OBSERVING SOME

NAMES OF LITTLE NOTE

RECORDED IN

THE BIOGRAPHIA BRITANNICA.

OH, fond attempt to give a deathless lot
To names ignoble, born to be forgot!
In vain, recorded in historick page,
They court the notice of a future age:
Those twinkling tiny lustres of the land
Drop one by one from Fame's neglecting hand;
Lethean gulfs receive them as they fall,
And dark oblivion soon absorbs them all.

So when a child, as playful children use,
Has burnt to tinder a stale last year's news,
The flame extinct, he views the roving fire-
There goes my lady, and there goes the squire,
There goes the parson, oh illustrious spark!
And there, scarce less illustrious, goes the clerk!

REPORT

OF AN ADJUDGED CASE, NOT TO BE FOUND IN ANY OF THE BOOKS.

I.

BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose,
The spectacles set them unhappily wrong;
The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,
To which the said spectacles ought to belong.

II.

So Tongue was the lawyer, and argu'd the cause With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of learn

ing;

While chief baron Ear sat to balance the laws,
So fam'd for his talent in nicely discerning.

III.

In behalf of the Nose it will quickly appear,

And your lordship, he said, will undoubtedly find, That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear, Which amounts to possession time out of mind. IV.

Then holding the spectacles up to the courtYour lordship observes they are made with a straddle,

As wide as the ridge of the Nose is; in short,
Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle.

Again, would your lordship a moment suppose ('Tis a case that has happen'd, and may be again)

That the visage or countenance had not a nose, Pray who would, or who could, wear spectacles then?

VI.

On the whole it appears, and my argument shows, With a reasoning the court will never condemn, That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose, And the Nose was as plainly intended for them.

VII.

Then shifting his side (as a lawyer knows how),
He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes:
But what were his arguments few people know,
For the court did not think they were equally wise.
VIII.

So his lordship decreed with a grave solemn tone,
Decisive and clear, without one if or but-
That whenever the Nose put his spectacles on,

By daylight or candlelight-Eyes should be shut!

ON THE BURNING

OF

LORD MANSFIELD'S LIBRARY,

TOGETHER WITH HIS MSS.,

By the mob, in the month of June, 1780.

I.

SO then-the Vandals of our isle,

Sworn foes to sense and law,
Have burnt to dust a nobler pile

Than ever Roman saw !

II.

And MURRAY sighs o'er Pope and Swift, And many a treasure more,

The well-judg'd purchase, and the gift,

That grac'd his letter'd store.

III.

Their pages mangled, burnt and torn,

The loss was his alone;

But ages yet to come shall mourn

The burning of his own.