« ForrigeFortsett »
Spark. And you make me giddy, madam, with Alith. I thank him, methinks he speaks plain your jealousy and fears, and virtue and honour. enough now. Gad, I see virtue makes a woman as troublesome! Spark. [To ALIThEA.] You are out still.—But as a little reading or learning.
with what kind of love, Harcourt ? Alith. Monstrous !
Har. With the best and the truest love in the Lucy. Well, to see what easy husbands these world. women of quality can meet with ! a poor chamber- Spark. Look you there then, that is with no maid can never have such ladylike lück. Besides, matrimonial love, I'm sure. he's thrown away upon her. She'll make no use Alith. How's that do you say matrimonial love of her fortune, her blessing, none to a gentleman, is not best?
a pure cuckold ; for it requires good breeding to Spark. 'Gad, I went too far ere I was aware. be a cuckold.
[Aside. But speak to
But speak for thyself, Harcourt, you said you Alith. I tell you then plainly, he pursues me to | would not wrong me nor her. marry me.
Har. No, no, madam, e'en take him for HeaSpark. Pshaw!
ven's sake. Har. Come, madam, you see you strive in vain Spark. Look you there, madam. to make him jealous of me. My dear friend is the Har. Who should in all justice be yours, he kindest creature in the world to me.
that loves you most. (Claps his hand on his breast. Spark. Poor fellow!
Alith. Look you there, Mr. Sparkish, who's that? Har. But his kindness only is not enough for Spark. Who should it be?-Go on, Harcourt. me, without your favour, your good opinion, dear Har. Who loves you more than women titles, madam : 'tis that must perfect my happiness. | or fortune fools.
[Points at SPARKİSH. Good gentleman, he believes all I say: would you | Spark. Look you there, he means me still, for would do so! Jealous of me! I would not wrong he points at me. him nor you for the world.
Alith. Ridiculous ! Spark. Look you there. Hear him, hear him, Har. Who can only match your faith and conand do not walk away so.
stancy in love. CALITHEA walks carelessly to and fro. Spark. Ay. Har. I love you, madam, som
Har. Who knows, if it be possible, how to value Spark. How's that? Nay, now you begin to go so much beauty and virtue. too far indeed.
Spark. Ay. Har. So much, I confess, I say, I love you, that Har. Whose love can no more be equalled in I would not have you miserable, and cast yourself the world, than that heavenly form of yours. away upon so unworthy and inconsiderable a thing | Spark. No. as what you see here.
Har. Who could no more suffer a rival, than (Clapping his hand on his breast, points at SPARKISH. your absence, and yet could no more suspect your Spark. No, faith, I believe thou wouldst not: virtue, than his own constancy in his love to you. now his meaning is plain ; but I knew before thou | Spark. No. wouldst not wrong me, nor her.
Har. Who, in fine, loves you better than his Har. No, no, Heavens forbid the glory of her | eyes, that first made him love you. sex should fall so low, as into the embraces of such Spark. Ay–Nay, madam, faith, you shan't go, a contemptible wretch, the least of mankind-my
till dear friend here—I injure him!
Alith. Have a care, lest you make me stay too
[Embracing SPARKISH. | long. Alith. Very well.
Spark. But till he has saluted you ; that I may Spark. No, no, dear friend, I knew it.-Madam, | be assured you are friends, after his honest advi you see he will rather wrong himself than me, in and declaration. Come, pray, madam, be friends giving himself such names.
Re-enter Mr. PINCHWIFE and Mrs. PINCHWIFE. poor fellow !
Alith. You must pardon me, sir, that I am not Alith. Methinks he speaks impudently of your. yet so obedient to you. self, since-before yourself too ; insomuch that I Pinch. What, invite your wife to kiss men ? can no longer suffer his scurrilous abusiveness to Monstrous ! are you not ashamed ? I will never you, no more than his love to me. [Offers to go. | forgive you.
Spark. Nay, nay, madam, pray stay—his love Spark. Are you not ashamed, that I should have to you! Lord, madam, has he not spoke yet plain more confidence in the chastity of your family than enough?
you have ? You must not teach me, I am a man Alith. Yes, indeed, I should think so.
of honour, sir, tborgh I am frank and free; I am Spark. Well then, by the world, a man can't frank, sirspeak civilly to a woman now, but presently she Pinch. Very frank, sir, to share your wife with says, he makes love to her. Nay, madam, you shall your friends. stay, with your pardon, since you have not yet un Spark. He is an humble, menial friend, such as derstood him, till he has made an eclaircissement reconciles the differences of the marriage bed; you, of his love to you, that is, what kind of love it is. know man and wife do not always agree; I design Answer to thy catechism, friend ; do you love my him for that use, therefore would have him well mistress here?
with my wife. Har. Yes, I wish she would not doubt it.
Pinch. A menial friend you will get a great Spark. But how do you love her ?
many menial friends, by showing your wife as you Har. With all my soul.
Spark. What then? It may be I have a plea. | Mrs. Pinch. [Aside.] O jeminy! is that he that sure in't, as I have to show fine clothes at a play- was in love with me? I am glad on't, I vow, for house, the first day, and count money before poor | he's a curious fine gentleman, and I love him alrogues.
ready too.-[To Mr. PinchWIFE.] Is this he, Pinch. He that shows his wife or money, will bud ? be in danger of having them borrowed sometimes. | Pinch. Come away, come away. (To his wife.
Spark. I love to be envied, and would not marry Horn. Why, what haste are you in ? why won't a wife that I alone could love ; loving alone is as you let me talk with him ? dull as eating alone. Is it not a frank age? and I Pinch. Because you'll debauch him; he's yet am a frank person ; and to tell you the truth, it | young and innocent, and I would not have him demay be, I love to have rivals in a wife, they make bauched for anything in the world.-[Aside.] How her seem to a man still but as a kept mistress ; and she gazes on him! the devil! so good night, for I must to Whitehall. Madam, Horn. Harcourt, Dorilant, look you here, this I hope you are now reconciled to my friend ; and is the likeness of that dowdy he told us of, his wife; so I wish you a good night, madam, and sleep if did you ever see a lovelier creature? The rogue you can ; for to-morrow you know I must visit you has reason to be jealous of his wife, since she is early with a canonical gentleman.-Good night, like him, for she would make all that see her in dear Harcourt.
(Exit. love with her. Har. Madam, I hope you will not refuse my 1 Har. And, as I remember now, she is as like visit to-morrow, if it should be earlier with a canon- him here as can be. ical gentleman than Mr. Sparkish’s.
Dor. She is indeed very pretty, if she be like Pinch. This gentlewoman is yet under my care, him. therefore you must yet forbear your freedom with Horn. Very pretty ? a very pretty commendaher, sir. (Coming between ALITHEA and HARCOURT. tion !--she is a glorious creature, beautiful beyond Har. Must, sir ?
all things I ever beheld. Pinch. Yes, sir, she is my sister.
Pinch. So, so. Har. 'Tis well she is, sir—for I must be her | Har. More beautiful than a poet's first mistress servant, sir.-Madam
of imagination. Pinch. Come away, sister, we had been gone, if Horn. Or another man's last mistress of flesh it had not been for you, and so avoided these lewd and blood. rake-hells, who seem to haunt us.
Mrs. Pinch. Nay, now you jeer, sir; pray don't Re-enter HORNER and DORILANT.
Pinch. Come, come.—[ Aside.] By Heavens, Horn. How now, Pinchwife !
she'll discover herself! Pinch. Your servant.
Horn. I speak of your sister, sir. Horn. What! I see a little time in the country Pinch. Ay, but saying she was handsome, if makes a man turn wild and unsociable, and only like him, made him blush.—[ Aside.) I am upon a fit to converse with his horses, dogs, and his rack ! herds.
Horn. Methinks he is so handsome he should Pinch. I have business, sir, and must mind it; not be a man. your business is pleasure, therefore you and I must Pinch. [Aside.] 0, there 'tis out! he has disgo different ways.
covered her! I am not able to suffer any longer. Horn. Well, you may go on, but this pretty -[To his wife.) Come, come away, I say. young gentleman (Takes hold of Mrs. PINCHWIFE.
Horn. Nay, by your leave, sir, he shall not go Har. The lady
yet.—[ Aside to them.] Harcourt, Dorilant, let us Dor. And the maid
torment this jealous rogue a little. Horn. Shall stay with us ; for I suppose their business is the same with ours, pleasure.
Dor. How? Pinch. 'Sdeath, he knows her, she carries it so Horn. I'll show you. sillily ! yet if he does not, I should be more silly Pinch. Come, pray let him go, I cannot stay to discover it first.
[Aside, fooling any longer ; I tell you his sister stays supAlith. Pray, let us go, sir.
per for us. Pinch. Come, come
Horn. Does she? Come then, we'll all go sup Horn. [To Mrs. PinchwIFE.) Had you not with her and thee. rather stay with us ?-Prithee, Pinchwife, who is | Pinch. No, now I think on't, having stayed so this pretty young gentleman ?
long for us, I warrant she's gone to bed. - [ Aside.] Pinch. One to whom I'm a guardian. Aside.] I wish she and I were well out of their hands.I wish I could keep her out of your hands.
[To his wife.] Come, I must rise early to-morrow, Horn. Who is he? I never saw anything so come. pretty in all my life.
Horn. Well then, if she be gone to bed, I wish Pinch. Pshaw ! do not look upon him so much, | her and you a good night. But pray, young he's a poor bashful youth, you'll put him out of gentleman, present my humble service to her. countenance.-Come away, brother.
Mrs. Pinch. Thank you heartily, sir. [Offers to take her away. Pinch. [Aside.] 'Sdeath, she will discover her. Horn, 0, your brother
self yet in spite of me.-[Aloud.) He is something Pinch. Yes, my wife's brother.-Come, come,
| more civil to you, for your kindness to his sister, she'll stay supper for us.
than I am, it seems. Horn. I thought so, for he is very like her I saw 1 Horn. Tell her, dear sweet little gentleman, for you at the play with, whom I told you I was in all your brother there, that you have revived the love with.
love I had for her at first sight in the playhouse.
Har. } How?
Mrs. Pinch. But did you love her indeed, and Alith. He only, not you, since my honour is indeed ?
engaged so far to him, can give me a reason why I Pinch. [Aside.) So, so.-[Aloud.] Away, I say. should not marry him ; but if he be true, and
Horn. Nay, stay.--Yes, indeed, and indeed, pray what I think him to me, I must be so to him. do you tell her so, and give her this kiss from me. Your servant, sir.
[Kisses her, Har. Have women only constancy when 'tis a Pinch. [ Aside.] O heavens! what do I suffer? vice, and are, like Fortune, only true to fools ? Now 'tis too plain he knows her, and yet
Dor. Thou sha't not stir, thou robust creature; Horn. And this, and this (Kisses her again. you see I can deal with you, therefore you should
Mrs. Pinch. What do you kiss me for? I am stay the rather, and be kind. no woman.
[To Lucy, who struggles to get from him. Pinch. [Aside.] So, there, 'tis out.- [Aloud.]
Re-enter PINCHWIFE. Come, I cannot, nor will stay any longer.
Horn. Nay, they shall send your lady a kiss Pinch. Gone, gone, not to be found! quite too. Here, Harcourt, Dorilant, will you not ? gone! ten thousand plagues go with 'em! Which
They kiss her, way went they? Pinch. [Aside.] How ! do I suffer this? Was Alith. But into t'other walk, brother. I not accusing another just now for this rascally Lucy. Their business will be done presently patience, in permitting his wife to be kissed before sure, an't please your worship ; it can't be long in his face? Ten thousand ulcers gnaw away their doing, I'm sure on't. lips.-[Aloud.] Come, come.
Alith. Are they not there? Horn. Good night, dear little gentleman; ma Pinch. No, you know where they are, you dam, good night; farewell, Pinchwife.—[ Apart to infamous wretch, eternal shame of your family, HARCOURT and Dorslant.) Did not I tell you I which you do not dishonour enough yourself you would raise his jealous gall ?
think, but you must help her to do it too, thou (Excunt HORNER, HARCOURT, and DORILANT. legion of bawds! Pinch. So, they are gone at last; stay, let me Alith. Good brothersee first if the coach be at this door. (Exit Pinch. Damped, damned sister!
Alith. Look you here, she's coming.
Re-enter Mrs. PINCHWIFE, running with her hat under her do as I desired you, sweet sir ?
arm, full of oranges and dried fruit, HORNER following. Mrs. Pinch. Sweet sir, but what will you give | Mrs. Pinch. O dear bud, look you here what I me then?
have got, see ! Horn. Anything. Come away into the next Pinch. And what I have got here too, which walk. (Exit, haling away Mrs. PINCHWIFE. you can't see.
[Aside, rubbing his forehead. Alith. Hold ! hold! what d'ye do ?
Mrs. Pinch. The fine gentleman has given me Lucy. Stay, stay, hold
better things yet. Har. Hold, madam, hold, let him present him Pinch. Has he so ?—[ Aside.] Out of breath he'll come presently; nay, I will never let you go and coloured !-I must hold yet. till you answer my question.
Horn. I have only given your little brother an Lucy. For God's sake, sir, I must follow 'em, orange, sir. [ALITHEA and Lucy, struggling with HARCOURT Pinch. [To HORNER.] Thank you, sir. and DORILANT,
[ Aside.] You have only squeezed my orange, I Dor. No, I have something to present you with suppose, and given it me again ; yet I must have too, you shan't follow them.
a city patience.-[ To his wife.] Come, come away.
Mrs. Pinch. Stay, till I have put up my fine Re-enter PINCHWIFE,
things, bud. Pinch. Where ?-how-what's become of ?gone !-whither ?
Enter Sir JASPER FIDGET. Lucy. He's only gone with the gentleman, who Sir Jasp. O, master Horner, come, come, the will give him something, an't please your worship. | ladies stay for you ; your mistress, my wife, won
Pinch. Something !-give him something, with ders you make not more haste to her. a pox !—where are they?
Horn. I have stayed this half hour for you here, Alith. In the next walk only, brother.
and 'tis your fault I am not now with your wife. Pinch. Only, only! where, where ?
Sir Jasp. But, pray, don't let her know so much ; (Exit, and returns presently, then goes out again. | the truth on't is, I was advancing a certain project Har. What's the matter with bim ? why so to his majesty about-I'll tell you. much concerned ? But, dearest madam
Horn. No, let's go, and hear it at your house. Alith. Pray let me go, sir ; I have said and Good night, sweet little gentleman ; one kiss more, suffered enough already.
you'll remember me now, I hope. [Kisses her. Har. Then you will not look upon, nor pity,'my Dor. What, sir Jasper, will you separate friends? sufferings?
He promised to sup with us, and if you take him Alith. To look upon 'em, when I cannot help to your house, you'll be in danger of our company ’em, were cruelty, not pity ; therefore, I will never too. see you more.
Sir Jasp. Alas! gentlemen, my house is not fit Har. Let me then, madam, have my privilege for you ; there are none but civil women there, of a banished lover, complaining or railing, and which are not for your turn. He, you know, can giving you but a farewell reason why, if you can- | bear with the society of civil women now, ha! ha! not condescend to marry me, you should not take ha! besides, he's one of my family-he's-he! that wretch, my rival.
he ! he!
Dor, What is he?
Madam, your servant.—[TLucr.] Good night, Sir Jasp. Faith, my eunuch, since you'll have strapper. it; he ! he ! he!
Har. Madam, though you will not let me have (Exeunt Sir JASPER FIDGET and HORNER. a good day or night, I wish you one; but dare not Dor. I rather wish thou wert his or my cuckold. name the other half of my wish. Harcourt, what a good cuckold is lost there for Alith. Good night, sir, for ever. want of a man to make him one! Thee and I cannot Mrs. Pinch. I don't know where to put this have Horner's privilege, who can make use of it. here, dear bud, you shall eat it; nay, you shall have
Har. Ay, to poor Horner 'tis like coming to an | part of the fine gentleman's good things, or treat, estate at threescore, when a man can't be the as you call it, when we come home. better for't.
Pinch. Indeed I deserve it, since I furnished Pinch. Come.
the best part of it. (Strikes away the orange. Mrs. Pinch. Presently, bud.
The gallant treats presents, and gives the ball; Dor. Come, let us go too.—[TO ALITHEA.]' But 'tis the absent cuckold pays for all. (Exeunt,
Alith. Certainly, I have given him already my Enter ALITHEA dressed in new Clothes, and Lucy.
word, and will my hand too, to make it good, when Lucy. Well-madam, now have I dressed you, he comes. and set you out with so many ornaments, and Lucy. Well, I wish I may never stick pin more, spent upon you ounces of essence and pulvillio ; | if be be not an arrant natural, to t'other fine gen- | and all this for no other purpose but as people tleman. adorn and perfume a corpse for a stinking second | Alith. I own he wants the wit of Harcourt, hand grave : such, or as bad, I think master which I will dispense withal for another want he Sparkish's bed.
has, which is want of jealousy, which men of wit Alith. Hold your peace.
seldom want. Lucy. Nay, madam, I will ask you the reason | Lucy. Lord, madam, what should you do with why you would banish poor master Harcourt for a fool to your husband? You intend to be honest, ever from your sight; how could you be so hard. don't you? then that husbandly virtue, credulity,
| is thrown away upon you. Alith. 'Twas because I was not hard-hearted. Alith. He only that could suspect my virtue
Lucy. No, no ; 'twas stark love and kindness, should have cause to do it ; 'tis Sparkish's confiI warrant.
dence in my truth that obliges me to be so faithful Alith. It was so; I would see him no more to him. because I love him.
Lucy. You are not sure his opinion may last. Lucy. Hey day, a very pretty reason !
1. Alith. I am satisfied, 'tis impossible for him to Alith. You do not understand me.
be jealous after the proofs I have had of him. Lucy. I wish you may yourself.
Jealousy in a husband-Heaven defend me from Alith. I was engaged to marry, you see, another it! it begets a thousand plagues to a poor woman, man, whom my justice will not suffer me to deceive the loss of her honour, her quiet, and her or injure.
Lucy. And her pleasure. Lucy. Can there be a greater cheat or wrong Alith. What d'ye mean, impertinent ? done to a man than to give him your person with Lucy. Liberty is a great pleasure, madam. out your heart? I should make a conscience of it. Alith. I say, loss of her honour, her quiet, nay,
Alith. I'U retrieve it for him after I am married her life sometimes ; and what's as bad almost, the a while.
loss of this town; that is, she is sent into the Lucy. The woman that marries to love better, country, which is the last ill-usage of a husband to will be as much mistaken as the wencher that a wife, I think. marries to live better. No, madam, marrying to Lucy. [Aside.] 0, does the wind lie there?increase love is like gaming to become rich ; (Aloud.] Then of necessity, madam, you think a alas ! you only lose what little stock you had before. man must carry his wife into the country, if he be
Alith. I find by your rhetoric you have been wise. The country is as terrible, I find, to our bribed to betray me.
young English ladies, as a monastery to those Lucy. Only by his merit, that has bribed your abroad; and on my virginity, I think they would heart, you see, against your word and rigid honour. rather marry a London jailer, than a high sheriff But what a devil is this honour! 'tis sure a disease of a county, since neither can stir from his employin the head, like the megrim or falling-sickness, ment. Formerly women of wit married fools for a that always hurries people away to do themselves great estate, a fine seat, or the like ; but now 'tis mischief. Men lose their lives by it; women, for a pretty seat only in Lincoln's-Inn-Fields, St. what's dearer to 'em, their love, the life of life. James's-Fields, or the Pall-Mall.
Alith. Come, pray talk you no more of honour, nor master Harcourt; I wish the other would l Enter SPARKTSH, and HARCOURT dressed like a parson. come to secure my fidelity to him and his right | Spark. Madam, your humble servant, a happy in me.
| day to you, and to us all.
cease your persecution, and let us have a conclu. Alith. Who have we here?
sion of this ridiculous love. Spark. My chaplain, faith-0 madam, poor Har. I had forgot, I must suit my style to my Harcourt remembers his humble service to you; coat, or I wear it in vain.
[Aside. and, in obedience to your last commands, refrains Alith. I have no more patience left; let us make coming into your sight.
once an end of this troublesome love, I say. Alith. Is not that he ?
Har. So be it, seraphic lady, when your honour Spark. No, fy, no; but to show that he ne'er shall think it meet and convenient so to do. intended to hinder our match, has sent his brother Spark. 'Gad I'm sure none but a chaplain could here to join our hands. When I get me a wife, I
speak so, I think. must get her a chaplain, according to the custom ; Alith. Let me tell you, sir, this dull trick will this is his brother, and my chaplain.
not serve your turn ; though you delay our mar. Alith. His brother!
riage, you shall not hinder it. Lucy. And your chaplain, to preach in your pul | Har. Far be it from me, munificent patroness, pit then
[Aside. to delay your marriage; I desire nothing more Alith. His brother!
than to marry you presently, which I might do, if Spark. Nay, I knew you would not believe it. you yourself would; for my noble, good-natured, - I told you, sir, she would take you for your and thrice generous patron here would not hinder it. brother Frank.
Spark. No, poor man, not I, faith. Alith. Believe it!
Har. And now, madam, let me tell you plainly, Lucy. His brother ! ha! ha! he! he has a nobody else shall marry you ; by heavens, I'll die trick left still, it seems.
[Aside. | first, for I'm sure I should die after it. Spark. Come, my dearest, pray let us go to Lucy. How his love has made him forget his church before the canonical hour is past.
function, as I have seen it in real parsons ! Alith. For shame, you are abused still.
Alith. That was spoken like a chaplain too? now Spark. By the world, 'tis strange now you are you understand him, I hope. so incredulous.
Spark. Poor man, he takes it heinously to be Alith. 'Tis strange you are so credulous. refused ; I can't blame him, 'tis putting an indignity
Spark. Dearest of my life, hear me. I tell you upon him, not to be suffered ; but you'll pardon this is Ned Harcourt of Cambridge, by the world; me, madam, it shan't be ; he shall marry us : come you see he has a sneaking college look. 'Tis true away, pray madam. he's something like his brother Frank; and they Lucy. Ha! ha! be! more ado ! 'tis late. differ from each other no more than in their age, Alith. Invincible stupidity! I tell you, he would for they were twins.
marry me as your rival, not as your chaplain. Lucy. Ha! ha! he!
Spark. Come, come, madam. [Pulling her away. Alith. Your servant, sir; I cannot be so Lucy. I pray, madam, do not refuse this deceived, though you are. But come, let's hear, reverend divine the honour and satisfaction of how do you know what you affirm so confidently? marrying you ; for I dare say, he has set his heart
Spark. Why, I'll tell you all. Frank Har upon't, good doctor. court coming to me this morning to wish me joy, Alith. What can you hope or design by this ? and present his service to you, I asked him if he Har. I could answer ber, a reprieve for a day could help me to a parson. Whereupon he told only, often revokes a hasty doom. 'At worst, if she me, he had a brother in town who was in orders ; | will pot take mercy on me, and let me marry her, and he went straight away, and sent him, you see I have at least the lover's second pleasure, hindering there, to me.
my rival's enjoyment, though but for a time. Alith. Yes, Frank goes and puts on a black
[Aside. coat, then tells you he is Ned ; that's all you have Spark. Come, madam, 'tis e'en twelve o'clock, for't.
and my mother charged me never to be married Spark. Pshaw! pshaw! I tell you, by the same out of the canonical hours. Come, come ; Lord, token, the midwife put her garter about Frank's here's such a deal of modesty, I warrant, the first neck, to know 'em asunder, they were so like. day. Alith. Frank tells you this too?
Lucy. Yes, an't please your worship, married Spark. Ay, and Ned there too: nay, they are women show all their modesty the first day, both in a story.
because married men show all their love the first Alith. So, so; very foolish.
[Exeunt. Spark. Lord, if you won't believe one, you had best try him by your chambermaid there; for chambermaids must needs know chaplains from other men, they are so used to 'em.
SCENE II-A Bedchamber in MR. PinchLucy. Let's see: nay, I'll be sworn he has the
wife's House. canonical smirk, and the filthy clammy palm of a chaplain.
Mr. PINCHWIFE and Mrs. Pinchwile discovered. Alith. Well, most reverend doctor, pray let us Pinch. Come, tell me, I say. make an end of this fooling.
Mrs. Pinch. Lord! han't I told it a hundred Har. With all my soul, divine heavenly creature, times over ? when you please.
Pinch. [Aside.] I would try, if in the repeti. Alith. He speaks like a chaplain indeed. tion of the ungrateful tale, I could find her altering
Spark. Why, was there not soul, divine, 1 it in the least circumstance; for if her story be heavenly, in what he said ?
false, she is so too.- [Aloud.) Come, how was't, Alith. Once more, most impertinent black coat, ' baggage ?