While, in his lordly castle fixt,
The knight triumphant reigns betwixt:
And, what the wretches most resent,
To be his slaves, must pay him rent;
Attend him daily as their chief,
Decant his wine, and carve his beef.
O Fortune! 'tis a scandal for thee
To smile on those who are least worthy:
Weigh but the merits of the three,
His slaves have ten times more than he.
Proud Baronet of Nova Scotia !
The Dean and Spaniard must reproach ye:
Of their two fames the world enough rings;
Where are thy services and sufferings?
What if for nothing once you kiss'd,
Against the grain, a monarch's fist?
What if, among the courtly tribe,
You lost a place, and sav'd a bribe?
And then in surly mood came here
To fifteen hundred pounds a year,
And fierce against the Whigs harangu'd ?
You never ventur'd to be hang'd.
How dare you treat your betters thus ?
Are you to be compar'd with us ?
Come, Spaniard, let us from our farms
Call forth our cottagers to arms;
Our forces let us both unite,
Attack the foe at left and right;
From Market-hill's exalted head,
Full northward let your troops be led;
While I from Drapier's mound descend,
And to the south my squadrons bend.
New river walk with friendly shade
Shall keep my host in ambuscade;
While you, from where the basin stands,
Nor need we doubt the fort to win;
I hold intelligence within.
True, lady Anne no danger fears,
Brave as the Upton fan she wears :
Then, lest upon our first attack
Her valiant arm should force us back,
And we of all our hopes depriv'd;
I have a stratagem contriv'd.
By these embroider'd high-heel'd shoes
She shall be caught as in a noose:
So well contriv'd her toes to pinch,
She'll not have power to stir an inch :
These gaudy shoes must Hannah place
Direct before her lady's face;
The shoes put on, our faithful portress
Admits us in, to storm the fortress;
While tortur'd madam bound remains,
Like Montezume, in golden chains;
Or like a cat with walnuts shod
Stumbling at every step she trod.
Sly hunters thus, in Borneo's isle,
To catch a monkey by a wile,
The mimic animal amuse;
They place before him gloves and shoes;
Which when the brute puts aukward on,
All his agility is gone:
In vain to frisk or climb he tries;
The huntsmen seize the grinning prize.
But let us on our first assault
Secure the larder and the vauit:
The valiant Dennis* you must fix on,
And I'll engage with Peggy Dixon :†
Then, if we once can seize the key
And chest that keeps my lady's tea,
They must surrender at discretion;
And, soon as we have gain'd possession,
We'll act as other conquerors do,
Divide the realm between us two;
Then (let me see) we'll make the knight
Our clerk, for he can read and write;
But must not think, I tell him that,
Like Lorimer‡ to wear his hat:
Yet, when we dine without a friend,
We'll place him at the lower end.
Madam, whose skill does all in dress lie,
May serve to wait on Mrs. Lesley;
But, lest it might not be so proper
That her own maid should overtop her,
To mortify the creature more,
We'll take her heels five inches lower.
For Hannah, when we have no need of her,
'Twill be our interest to get rid of her : And, when we execute our plot,
'Tis best to hang her on the spot; As all your politicians wise
Despatch the rogues by whom they rise.
*The butler. F.
The agent. F.
A DIALOGUE BETWEEN TOM AND ROBIN.*
* 1730.
TOM. SAY, Robin, what can Traulust mean
By bellowing thus against the Dean?
Why does he call him paltry scribbler,
Papist, and jacobite, and libeller:
Yet cannot prove a single fact?
ROBIN. Forgive him, Tom: his head is crackt. TOM. What mischief can the Dean have done him, That Traulus calls for vengeance on him?
Why must he sputter, spawl, and slaver it
In vain against the people's favourite?
Revile that nation-saving paper,
Which gave the Dean the name of Drapier?
ROBIN. Why, Tom, I think the case is plain;* Party and spleen have turn'd his brain.
Toм. Such friendship never man profess'd,
The Dean was never so caress'd:
For Traulus long his rancour nurs'd,
Till, God knows why, at last it burst.
That clumsy outside of a porter,
How could it thus conceal a courtier?
ROBIN. I own, appearances are bad;
Yet still insist the man is mad.
TOм. Yet many a wretch in Bedlam knows How to distinguish friends from foes;
And, though perhaps among the rout
He wildly flings his filth about,
* Sons of Rev. Charles Lesley. See the next poem. F.
Me still has gratitude and sap'ence,
To spare the folks that give him ha'pence;
Nor in their eyes at random pisses,
But turns aside like mad Ulysses:
While Traulus all his odure scatters
To foul the man he chiefly flatters.
Whence comes these inconsistent fits?
ROBIN. Why Tom, the man has lost his wits. Toм. Agreed and yet, when Towzer snaps At people's heels with frothy chaps,
Hangs down his head, and drops his tail,
To say he's mad will not avail;
The neighbours all cry, "Shoot him dead,
Hang, drown, or knock him on the head."
So Traulus, when he first harangu'd,
I wonder why he was not hang'd;
For of the two, without dispute,
Towzer's the less offensive brute.
ROBIN. Tom, you mistake the matter quite : Your barking curs will seldom bite;
And though you hear him stut-tut-tut-ter,
He barks as fast as he can utter.
He prates in spite of all impediment,
While none believes that what he said he meant,
Puts in his finger and his thumb
Το grope for words, and out they come.
He calls you rogue; there's nothing in it,
He fawns upon you in a minute;
"Begs leave to rail, but, d―n his blood!
He only meant it for your good:
His friendship was exactly tim'd,
He shot before your foes were prim'd.
By this contrivance, Mr. Dean;
By G-! I'll bring you off as clean-
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