295 To poise this equally, he bore
A paunch of the same bulk before,
Which still he had a special care
To keep well-crammed with thrifty fare
As white-pot, butter-milk, and curds,
Such as a country-house affords ;
With other victual, which anon
We farther shall dilate upon,
When of his hose we come to treat,
The cupboard where he kept his meat.
His doublet was of sturdy buff,
And though not sword, yet cudgel-proof,
Whereby 'twas fitter for his use,
Who feared no blows but such as bruise.
His breeches was of rugged woollen,
310 And had been at the siege of Bullen;
To old King Harry so well known,
Some writers held they were his own.
Though they were lined with many a piece
Of ammunition bread and cheese,
315 And fat black-puddings, proper food
For warriors that delight in blood:
For, as we said, he always chose
To carry victual in his hose,
That often tempted rats and mice
The ammunition to surprise;
And when he put a hand but in
The one or t' other magazine,
They stoutly on defence on't stood,
And from the wounded foe drew blood;
And till th' were stormed and beaten out,
Ne'er left the fortified redoubt;
And though knights errant, as some think,
Of old did neither eat nor drink,
Because when thorough deserts vast,
330 And regions desolate, they passed
Where belly-timber above ground,
Or under, was not to be found,
Unless they grazed, there's not one word
Of their provision on record;
335 Which made some confidently write,
They had no stomachs but to fight.
'Tis false; for Arthur wore in hall
Round table like a farthingale,
On which, with shirt pulled out behind,
340 And eke before, his good knights dined.
Though 'twas no table some suppose,
But a huge pair of round trunk hose,
In which he carried as much meat,
As he and all the knights could eat,
345 When laying by their swords and truncheons,
They took their breakfasts, or their nuncheons.
But let that pass at present, lest
We should forget where we digressed;
As learned authors use, to whom
We leave it, and to th' purpose come.
His puissant sword unto his side,
Near his undaunted heart, was tied,
With basket-hilt that would hold broth,
And serve for fight and dinner both.
In it he melted lead for bullets,
To shoot at foes, and sometimes pullets;
To whom he bore so fell a grutch,
He ne'er gave quarter t' any such.
The trenchant blade, Toledo trusty,
360 For want of fighting was grown rusty,
And ate into itself, for lack
Of some body to hew and hack.
The peaceful scabbard where it dwelt,
The rancour of its edge had felt;
355 For of the lower end two handful
It had devoured, 'twas so manful,
And so much scorned to lurk in case,
As if it durst not show its face.
In many desperate attempts,
370 Of warrants, exigents, contempts,
It had appeared with courage bolder
Than Serjeant Bum invading shoulder;
Oft had it ta'en possessiön,
And prisoners too, or made them run.
This sword a dagger had, his page,
That was but little for his age:
And therefore waited on him so,
As dwarfs upon knights errant do.
It was a serviceable dudgeon,
380 Either for fighting or for drudging:
When it had stabbed, or broke a head,
It would scrape trenchers, or chip bread,
Toast cheese or bacon, though it were
To bait a mouse-trap, 'twould not care:
385 'Twould make clean shoes, and in the earth
Set leeks and onions, and so forth:
It had been 'prentice to a brewer,
Where this, and more, it did endure;
But left the trade, as many more
Have lately done, on the same score.
In th' holsters, at his saddle-bow,
Two aged pistols he did stow,
Among the surplus of such meat
As in his hose he could not get.
These would inveigle rats with th' scent,
To forage when the cocks were bent;
And sometimes catch 'em with a snap,
As cleverly as th' ablest trap.
They were upon hard duty still,
400 And ev'ry night stood sentinel,
To guard the magazine i' th' hose,
From two-legged, and from four-legged foes.
Thus clad and fortified, Sir Knight,
From peaceful home, set forth to fight.
405 But first with nimble active force,
He got on th' outside of his horse:
For having but one stirrup tied
T' his saddle on the further side,
It was so short, h' had much ado
To reach it with his desperate toe.
But after many strains and heaves,
He got up to the saddle-eaves,
From whence he vaulted into th' seat,
With so much vigour, strength, and heat,
That he had almost tumbled over
With his own weight; but did recover,
By laying hold on tail and mane,
Which oft he used instead of rein.
But now we talk of mounting steed,
420 Before we further do proceed,
It doth behove us to say something
Of that which bore our valiant bumpkin.
The beast was sturdy, large, and tall,
With mouth of meal, and eyes of wall ;
I would say eye, for h' had but one,
As most agree, though some say none.
He was well stay'd, and in his gait,
Preserved a grave, majestic state;
At spur or switch no more he skipped, 430 Or mended pace, than Spaniard whipped;
And yet so fiery, he would bound
As if he grieved to touch the ground;
That Cæsar's horse, who, as fame goes,
Had corns upon his feet and toes,
435 Was not by half so tender-hoofed,
Nor trod upon the ground so soft;
And as that beast would kneel and stoop,
Some write, to take his rider up,
So Hudibras his, 'tis well-known,
Would often do, to set him down.
We shall not need to say what lack
Of leather was upon his back;
For that was hidden under pad,
And breech of knight galled full as bad.
His strutting ribs on both sides showed
Like furrows he himself had ploughed;
For underneath the skirt of pannel,
'Twixt ev'ry two there was a channel.
His draggling tail hung in the dirt,
Which on his rider he would flurt,
Still as his tender side he pricked,
With armed heel, or with unarmed, kicked.
A Squire he had, whose name was Ralph,
That in th' adventure went his half.
Though writers, for more stately tone,
460 Do call him Ralpho, 'tis all one;
And when we can, with metre safe,
We'll call him so, if not, plain Ralph;
For rhyme the rudder is of verses,
With which, like ships, they steer their courses. 465 An equal stock of wit and valour
He had laid in; by birth a tailor;
The mighty Tyrian queen that gained,
With subtle shreds, a tract of land,
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