ALMA MATER;

OR,

SEVEN YEARS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF CAMBRIDGE.

IN these enlightened times, when the lights and shades of every grade of mortals are rapidly passing in review, perhaps a few loose sketches of College life may amuse and instruct the inquisitive public. With this view and no other, save the prospect of that which the Scripture says the labourer is worthy of, are the ensuing scenes to be disclosed. Imprimis, gentle reader, you may surmise, without being a witch or wizard, that the expositor himself is something more than a mere cockney or country lionizer on the beauties, deformities, and eccentricities of that fine old mother of a million, Granta-yea, that he is even of her own flesh and blood, a real, bonâ fide, legitimate son of hers. Not much of a pet child, perhaps, but enough so to have become possessed of many family. secrets; which being perfectly in accordance with the notions of that other old lady,

Dame Nature, the teller of them does not much fear her serious displeasure. Alma Mater, then, you must know, if you don't already know it, is a stately magnificent personage, about the age of Methusaleh or so, and yet, as to vigour of mind and body, in the very prime of life. Her members, which are seventeen in number, I will not attempt to describe further than by designating Trinity College as the head, and a fine head it is-the most learned, confessedly, in the whole world. It is this head which, like Jupiter's, gave birth to those Minervas of learning and science, Bacon, Newton, Barrow, Milton, Cowley, Dryden, &c. &c. It is her true and proper knowledge-box. But the most extraordinary fact respecting the lady is the abundant manner in which she " replenishes the earth." From the day of her birth she has been, and is still, annually delivered of a numerous progeny of sons- -some four or five hundred at a birth. These hopeful youths, whom she christens with the name of Freshmen, and who are born full-sized, she watches over with most maternal solicitude for three years, at least, and superintends their education herself, by placing them more immediately under the care of their elder brothers. At the expiration of this novi

ciate, if she approve of the progress they have made in their learning, she names them Wranglers, Senior Optimes, or Junior Optimes, and retains their society by giving them her Fellowship. If otherwise, she calls them Wooden-spoons, 'Ot Пóλλo, Captains of the Poll, Apostles,* and other opprobrious names, and turns them adrift, to go

* After you have resided something more than three years, at the conclusion of the tenth term, in the month of January, you are examined in the Senate-house, for four successive days, in Mathematics and Metaphysics. All the men of the same standing, amounting to two hundred or upwards, are divided into six classes, according to their merit, as ascertained at the private examinations of each college. Printed papers, containing each about twenty questions, are laid before each class, the solution of each question being previously determined upon by the examiners numerically. At the close of the examination these numbers are summed up for each examinee, and he who has got most is called Senior Wrangler; then follow about twenty, all called Wranglers, arranged in the order of merit. Two other ranks of honours are there-Senior Optimes and Junior Optimes, each containing about twenty. The last Junior Optime is termed the Wooden Spoon. Then comes the list of the large majority called the Hoy Polloi, the first of whom is termed the Captain of the Poll, and the twelve last the Apostles.

and do the drudgery of the " black jobs," whether of Physic, the Law, or the Gospel.

Here ends the general outline of the character of my dear, dear, foster-mother. In the Retrospective Review (by the bye, the authors of that book ought to be taken up for resurrection-men) of her treatment of me and my several brother Cantabs, I shall fill up the picture.

In the month of October, eighteen hundred and fifteen, I, and lots more, first saw the light as sons of Alma. A northern light I was, and that's about all I have to give you as to the source I sprung from. Furnished by a friend with a letter to the tutor, the present worthy and learned rector of Kendal, in Westmoreland, I made my way with all speed to that spot of all spotsTrinity College. I was received with all the politeness and cordiality for which that gentleman was, and is, conspicuous. In ascending the stony stairs which led to the chapel and dinner belfries, as well as to his rooms, I fell upon a certain dignified personage, powdered and perfumed to a degree, whom my Freshman sapience forthwith designated as the "Great Mon" I sought. I accordingly capped him, but this same personage thereupon, as the cap fitted, slunk back to make

was

"In

way for the gownsman, most wisely thinking my obsequiousness was a mere hint that he ought to have been beforehand with me. This man was afterwards my man-milliner, famous for nothing but extortion, dunning, and amorous propensities. But let him pass, that I may proceed. The first question, after the customary civilities, put to me by my tutor, whom I have every earthly reason to venerate, not because he is now well stricken in years, but for the many kind things he did me, "How much have you read, Sir? classical learning, Sir, I have not made much progress, having gone through Virgil, Horace, Ovid, Cicero, Livy, Sallust, Anacreon, Dalzel's Collectanea, Homer, and part of Demosthenes only-but I have great thirst for more." This use of the word thirst, made me drink an extra bumper of "Audit"* that very day at dinnerso ingenious and striking did I deem the thing. "Very well, indeed," was the reply. "But what do you know of the mathematics ?"-" Still less, Sir; Ludlam's Elements being the only book, besides Walkinghame's Tutor's Assistant, which I have

* Trinity has always been famous for the excellence of its ale. The very best is called "Audit ale," because of being principally used on Audit or feast days.