Gave them a twisted form vermicular,
And o'er the feat with plenteous wadding stuff'd
Induced a fplendid cover, green and blue,
Yellow and red, of tap'ftry richly wrought
And woven clofe, or needle-work fublime.
There might ye fee the piony fpread wide,
The full-blown rose, the shepherd and his lass,
Lap-dog and lambkin with black ftaring eyes,
And parrots with twin cherries in their beak.
Now came the cane from India, fmooth and bright With Nature's varnish; sever❜d into stripes That interlac'd each other, these supplied Of texture firm a lattice-work, that brac'd The new machine, and it became a chair. But restless was the chair; the back erect Distress'd the weary loins, that felt no ease; The flipp'ry feat betray'd the fliding part That prefs'd it, and the feet hung dangling down, Anxious in vain to find the distant floor.
B 2
These for the rich: the reft, whom fate had plac'd
In modeft mediocrity, content
With base materials, fat on well-tann'd hides
Obdurate and unyielding, glaffy smooth,
With here and there a tuft of crimson yarn,
Or fcarlet crewel in the cufhion fixt:
If cushion might be call'd, what harder seem'd
Than the firm oak of which the frame was form'd.
No want of timber then was felt or fear'd
In Albion's happy ifle. The umber stood
Pond'rous, and fixt by its own massy weight.
But elbows still were wanting; these, some say,
An Alderman of Cripplegate contriv'd,
And some ascribe th' invention to a priest
Burly and big, and ftudious of his ease.
But rude at first, and not with easy flope
Receding wide, they prefs'd against the ribs,
And bruis'd the fide, and elevated high
Taught the rais'd fhoulders to invade the ears.
Long time elaps'd or e'er our rugged fires
in,
Complain'd, though incommodiously pent
And ill at ease behind. The Ladies first
'Gan murmur, as became the fofter sex.
Ingenious fancy, never better pleas'd
Than when employ'd t' accommodate the fair,
Heard the sweet moan with pity, and devis'd
The foft fettee; one elbow at each end,
And in the midft an elbow, it receiv'd,
United yet divided, twain at once.
So fit two, Kings of Brentford on one throne;
And fo two citizens who take the air
Clofe pack'd and fmiling in a chaife and one.
But relaxation of the languid frame
By foft recumbency of outstretch'd limbs,
Was blifs referv'd for happier days. So flow
The growth of what is excellent, so hard
T'attain perfection in this nether world.
Thus first neceffity invented stools,
Convenience next fuggefted elbow-chairs,
And luxury th' accomplish'd SOFA last,
B 3
The nurse fleeps fweetly, hir'd to watch the fick, Whom fnoring fhe disturbs. As fweetly he Who quits the coach-box at the midnight hour To fleep within the carriage more secure, His legs depending at the open door. Sweet fleep enjoys the Curate in his desk, The tedious Rector drawling o'er his head, And sweet the Clerk below: but neither fleep Of lazy Nurse, who fnores the fick man dead, Nor his who quits the box at midnight hour To flumber in the carriage more fecure, Nor fleep enjoy'd by Curate in his desk, Nor
yet the dozings of the Clerk are sweet, Compar'd with the repofe the SOF A yields.
Oh may I live exempted (while I live
Guiltless of pamper'd appetite obfcene)
From pangs
arthritic that infest the toe
Of libertine excefs. The SOFA fuits
The gouty limb, 'tis true; but gouty limb,
Though on a SOFA, may I never feel:
For I have lov'd the rural walk through lanes
Of graffy fwarth close cropt by nibbling sheep,
And skirted thick with intertexture firm
Of thorny boughs: have lov'd the rural walk
O'er hills, through valleys, and by rivers brink,
E'er fince a truant boy I pass'd my bounds
T' enjoy a ramble on the banks of Thames.
And still remember, nor without regret,
Of hours that forrow fince has much endear'd,
How oft, my flice of pocket ftore confum'd,
Still hung'ring, pennylefs and far from home,
I fed on scarlet hips and stony haws,
Or blushing crabs, or berries that imbofs
The bramble, black as jet, or floes auftere.
Hard fare! but fuch as boyish appetite
Disdains not, nor the palate undeprav'd
By culinary arts unfav'ry deems.
No SOFA then awaited my return,
Nor SOFA then I needed.
B 4
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