6 SIR, I AM fully convinced that there is not upon Earth a more impertinent Creature than an importunate Lover: We are daily complaining of the Severity of our Fate, to People who are wholly unconcerned in it; and hourly improving a Paffion, which we would perfuade the World is the Torment of our Lives. Notwithstanding this Reflection, Sir, I cannot forbear acquainting you with my own Cafe. You must know then, Sir, that even from my Childhood, the moft prevailing Inclination I could perceive in my felf, was a ftrong Defire to be in favour with the fair Sex. I am at prefent in the one and twentieth Year of my Age, and fhould have made Choice of a She Bed-fellow many Years fince, had not my Father, who has a pretty good Eftate of his own getting, and paffes in the World for a prudent Man, been pleafed to lay it down as a Maxim, That nothing fpoils a young Fellow's Fortune fo much as marrying early; and that no Man ought to think of Wedlock till fix and twenty. Knowing his Sentiments upon. this Head, I thought it in vain to apply myself to • Women of Condition, who expect Settlements; fo that all my Amours have hitherto been with Ladies who had no Fortunes: But I know not how to give you fo good an Idea of me, as by laying before your the Hiftory of my Life. હું I can very well remember, that at my Schoolmiftreffes, whenever we broke up I was always for joining my felf with the Mifs who Lay in, and was conftantly one of the first to make a Party in the Play of Husband and Wife. This Paffion for being well with the Females, fill increafed as I advanced in Years. At the Dancing-fchool I contracted fo many Quarrels by Atruggling with my Fellow-fcholars for the Fartner I liked beft, that upon a Ball Night, before our Mothers made their Appearance, was ufually up to the Nofe in Blood. My Father, like a difcreet Man, foon removed me. from this Stage of Softnefs to a School of Difcipline, where 145 where I learnt Latin and Greek. I underwent feveral Severities in this Place, 'till it was thought convenient to fend me to the Univerfity; though, to confefs the Truth, I should not have arrived fo early at that Seat of ⚫ Learning, but from the Discovery of an Intrigue between me and my Mafter's Houfe-keeper; upon whom I had employed my Rhetorick fo effectually, that, though fhe was a very elderly Lady, I had almost brought her to confent to marry me. Upon my Arrival at Oxford, I found Logick fo dry, that inftead of giving Attention to the Dead, I foon fell to addreffing the Living. My firft Amour was with a pretty Girl whom I fhall call Parthenope: Her Mother fold Ale by the • Town-wall. Being often caught there by the Proctor, I was forced at lait, that my Miftrefs's Reputation might receive no Blemish, to confefs my Addreffes were honourable. Upon this I was immediately fent home; but Parthenope foon after marrying a Shoemaker, I was again fuffered to return. My next Affair was with my Taylor's Daughter, who deferted me for the fake of a young Barber. Upon my complaining to one of my particular Friends on this Misfortune, the ⚫ cruel Wagg made a mere Jeft of my Calamity, and ask⚫ed me with a Smile, Where the Needle should turn but to the Pole? After this I was deeply in Love with a Milliner, and at laft with my Bed-maker, upon which I was fent away, or in the Univerfity Phrafe, Rufti⚫cated for ever. 6 UPON my coming home, I fettled to my Studies fo heartily, and contracted fo great a Reservedness by being kept from the Company I most affected, that my Father thought he might venture me at the Tem ple. WITHIN a Week after my Arrival I began to fhine again, and became enamoured with a mighty pretty Creature, who had every Thing but Money to recommend her. Having frequent Opportunities of uttering all the foft Things which an Heart formed for Love could infpire me with, I foon gained her • Confent to treat of Marriage; but unfortunately to us all, in the Abfence of my Charmer I usually 6 ⚫ talked ⚫ talked the fame Language to her elder Sifter, who is alfo very pretty. Now I affure you, Mr, SPECTATOR, this did not proceed from any real Affection I had conceived for her; but being a perfect Stranger to the • Conversation of Men, and strongly addicted to affoci, ate with the Women, I knew no other Language but that of Love. I should however be very much obliged to you, if you could free me from the Perplexity I am at present in. I have sent Word to my old Gentleman in the Country, that I am desperately in Love with • the younger Sifter! and her Father, who knew no better, poor Man, acquainted him by the fame Poft, that I had for fome Time made my Addreffes to the Elder. Upon this old Tefty fends me up Word, that he has heard fo much of my Exploits, that he intends immediately to order me to the South-Sea. Sir, I have ⚫ occafionally talked fo much of dying, that I begin to think there is not much in it; and if the old Squire perfifts in his Defign, I do hereby give him Notice that I am providing myfelf with proper Inftruments for the Deftruction of defpairing Lovers; let him there'fore look to it, and confider that by his Obftinacy he may himself lose the Son of his Strength, the World an hopeful Lawyer, my Mistress a paffionate Lover, and you, Mr. SPECTATOR, ་ Middle Temple Your conftant Admirer, Jeremy Lovemore. Wednesday, No. 597. Wednesday, September 22. Mens fine Pondere ludit. Petr. INCE I received my Friend Shadow's Letter, feveral of my Correfpondents have been pleased to fend me an Account how they have been employed in Sleep, and what notable Adventures they have been engaged in during that Moonshine in the Brain. I fhall lay before my Readers an Abridgment of fome few of their Extravagancies, in hopes that they will in Time accu ftom themselves to dream a little more to the Purpose. ONE who styles himfelf Gladio, complains heavily that his Fair one charges him with Inconftancy, and does not use him with half the Kindness which the Sincerity of his Paffion may demand; the faid Gladio having by Valour and Stratagem put to Death Tyrants, Inchanters, Monsters, Knights, &c. without Number, and expofed himself to all manner of Dangers for her Sake and Safety. He defires in his Poftfcript to know, whether, from a conftant Succefs in them, he may not promife himself to fucceed in her Efteem at last. ANOTHER Who is very prolix in his Narrative writes me Word, that having fent a Venture beyond Sea, he took Occafion one Night to fancy himself gone along with it, and grown on a fudden the richest Man in all the Indies. Having been there about a Year or two, a Gust of Wind that forced open his Cafement blew him over to his native Country again, where awaking at Sixa-Clock, and the Change of the Air not agreeing with him, he turned to his Left Side in order to a fecond Voyage; but e're he could get on Shipboard, was unfortunately apprehended for ftealing a Horfe, try'd and condemn'd for the Fact, and in a fair way of being executed, if fome Body step ping haftily into his Chamber had not brought him a Reprieve. This Fellow too wants Mr. Shadow's Advice, who, I dare fay, would bid him be content to rife after his firft Nap, and learn to be fatisfied as foon as Nature is. THE next is a publick-fpirited Gentleman who tells me, That on the fecond of September at Night the whole City was on Fire, and would certainly have been reduced to Ashes again by this Time, if he had not flown over it with the New River on his Back, and happily extinguished the Flames before they had prevailed too far. He would be informed whether he had not a Right to petition the Lord Mayor and Aldermen for a Reward. A Letter dated September the ninth acquaints me, That the Writer being refolved to try his Fortune, had fafted all that Day; and that he might be fure of dreaming upon fomething at Night, procured an handsome Slice of Bride-cake, which he placed very conveniently under his Pillow. In the Morning his Memory happened to fail him, and he could recollect nothing but an odd Fancy that he had eaten his Cake; which being found upon Search reduced to a few Crumbs, he is refolved to remember more of his Dreams another Time, believing from this that there may poffibly be somewhat of Truth in them. I have received numerous Complaints from feveral delicious Dreamers, defiring me to invent fome Method of filencing thofe noify Slaves whofe Occupations lead them to take their early Rounds about the City in a Morning, doing a deal of Mischief, and working ftrange Confufion in the Affairs of its Inhabitants. Several Monarchs have done me the Honour to acquaint me, how often they have been shook from their refpective 'Thrones by the rattling of a Coach or the rumbling of a Wheel-barrow. And many private Gentlemen, I find, have been baul'd out of vaft Eftates by Fellows not worth Three-pence. A fair Lady was juft upon the Point of being married to a young, handfome, rich, ingenious Nobleman, when an impertinent Tinker paffing by forbid the Banns; and an hopeful Youth, who had been newly advanced to great Honour and Preferment, was forced by a neighbouring Cobler |