85 H' had hard words, ready to show why,
And tell what rules he did it by;
Else, when with greatest art he spoke,
You'd think he talked like other folk.
For all a rhetorician's rules

90 Teach nothing but to name his tools.
But, when he pleased to show't, his speech ·
In loftiness of sound was rich;

A Babylonish dialect,

Which learned pedants much affect. 95 It was a parti-coloured dress

Of patched and piebald languages;
'Twas English cut on Greek and Latin,
Like fustian heretofore on satin;

It had an old promiscuous tone

100 As if h' had talked three parts in one;

105

Which made some think, when he did gabble,
Th' had heard three labourers of Babel;
Or Cerberus himself pronounce

A leash of languages at once.

This he as volubly would vent

As if his stock would ne'er be spent:
And truly, to support that charge,
He had supplies as vast and large;
For he could coin, or counterfeit
110 New words, with little or no wit;

115

Words so debased and hard, no stone
Was hard enough to touch them on;
And when with hasty noise he spoke 'em,
The ignorant for current took 'em;

That had the orator, who once

Did fill his mouth with pebble stones

When he harangued, but known his phrase

He would have used no other ways.

In mathematics he was greater

120 Than Tycho Brahe, or Erra Pater: For he, by geometric scale,

Could take the size of pots of ale; Resolve, by sines and tangents straight, If bread or butter wanted weight, 125 And wisely tell what hour o' th' day The clock does strike by Algebra.

Beside, he was a shrewd philosopher, And had read ev'ry text and gloss over; Whate'er the crabbed'st author hath, 130 He understood b' implicit faith:

135

140

Whatever sceptic could inquire for,
For ev'ry why he had a wherefore ;
Knew more than forty of them do,
As far as words and terms could go.
All which he understood by rote,
And, as occasion served, would quote;
No matter whether right or wrong,
They might be either said or sung.
His notions fitted things so well,

That which was which he could not tell
But oftentimes mistook the one

For th' other, as great clerks have done.
He could reduce all things to acts,
And knew their natures by abstracts;

145 Where entity and quiddity,

;

The ghost of defunct bodies fly;
Where truth in person does appear,
Like words congealed in northern air.
He knew what's what, and that's as high

150 As metaphysic wit can fly.

In school-divinity as able

As he that hight Irrefragable ;

155

A second Thomas, or, at once
To name them all, another Duns;
Profound in all the Nominal
And Real ways, beyond them all:
And, with as delicate a hand,
Could twist as tough a rope of sand;
And weave fine cobwebs, fit for skull
160 That's empty when the moon is full;
Such as take lodgings in a head
That's to be let unfurnished.

He could raise scruples dark and nice, And after solve 'em in a trice; 165 As if Divinity had catched

170

The itch, on purpose to be scratched; Or, like a mountebank, did wound And stab herself with doubts profound, Only to show with how small pain The sores of Faith are cured again; Although by woful proof we find, They always leave a scar behind. He knew the seat of Paradise, Could tell in what degree it lies; 175 And, as he was disposed, could prove it, Below the moon, or else above it: What Adam dreamt of, when his bride Came from her closet in his side: Whether the devil tempted her 180 By an High Dutch interpreter ; If either of them had a navel: Who first made music malleable: Whether the serpent, at the fall, Had cloven feet, or none at all. 185 All this, without a gloss, or comment, He could unriddle in a moment,

190

195

In proper terms, such as men smatter

When they throw out, and miss the matter.

For his Religion, it was fit

To match his learning and his wit;
'Twas Presbyterian true blue;

For he was of that stubborn crew
Of errant saints, whom all men grant
To be the true Church Militant;

Such as do build their faith upon
The holy text of pike and gun;
Decide all controversies by
Infallible artillery ;

And prove their doctrine orthodox
200 By apostolic blows, and knocks;
Call fire, and sword, and desolation,
A godly thorough Reformation,
Which always must be carried on,
And still be doing, never done;
As if Religion were intended

205

For nothing else but to be mended.
A sect, whose chief devotion lies
In odd perverse antipathies;

In falling out with that or this,
210 And finding somewhat still amiss;
More peevish, cross, and splenetic,
Than dog distract, or monkey sick.
That with more care keep holy-day
The wrong, than others the right way;
215 Compound for sins they are inclined to,
By damning those they have no mind to:
Still so perverse and opposite,

As if they worshipped God for spite.
The self-same thing they will abhor

220 One way, and long another for.

225

Free-will they one way disavow,
Another, nothing else allow.
All piety consists therein

In them, in other men all sin.

Rather than fail, they will defy

That which they love most tenderly;

Quarrel with minced-pies, and disparage
Their best and dearest friend-plum-porridge;
Fat pig and goose itself oppose,

230 And blaspheme custard through the nose.
Th' apostles of this fierce religion,

Like Mahomet's, were ass and widgeon,
To whom our knight, by fast instinct
Of wit and temper, was so linked,

235 As if hypocrisy and nonsense

Had got the advowson of his conscience.
Thus was he gifted and accoutered,
We mean on th' inside, not the outward:
That next of all we shall discuss;

240 Then listen, Sirs, it follows thus:
His tawny beard was th' equal grace
Both of his wisdom and his face;
In cut and die so like a tile,
A sudden view it would beguile;
The
245 upper part whereof was whey,
The nether orange, mixed with grey.
This hairy meteor did denounce
The fall of sceptres and of crowns;
With grisly type did represent

250 Declining age of government,
And tell, with hieroglyphic spade,

Its own grave and the state's were made.
Like Samson's heart-breakers, it grew
In time to make a nation rue;