His Doubts concerning his Election.

sion that I had faith in Christ; but instead of having satisfaction here, I began to find my soul to be assaulted with fresh doubts about my future happiness; especially with such as these, "whether I was elected? but how if the day of grace should now be past and gone ?"

By these two temptations I was very much afflicted and disquieted; sometimes by one, and sometimes by the other of them. And first, to speak of that about my questioning my election, I found at this time, that though I was first in a flame to find the way to heaven and glory, and though nothing could beat me off from this, yet this question did so offend and discourage me, that I was, especially sometimes, as if the very strength of my body also had been taken away by the force and power thereof. This scripture did also seem to me to trample upon all my desires; "It is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth; but of God that sheweth mercy," Rom. ix. 16.

With this scripture I could not tell what to do; for I evidently saw, unless that the great God, of his infinite grace and bounty, had voluntarily chosen me to be a vessel of mercy, though I should desire, and long, and labour until my heart did break, no good could come of it. Therefore this would stick with me, "How can you tell that you are elected? And what if you should not-how then?"

'O Lord, thought I, what if I should not indeed? It may be you are not, said the Tempter. It may be so indeed, said I. Why then, said Satan, you had as good leave off, and strive no farther; for if indeed you should not be the elected and chosen of God, there is no hope of your being saved; "For it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth; but of God that sheweth mercy."

"By these things I was driven to my wit's end, not knowing what to say, or how to answer these temptations. Indeed, I little thought that Satan had thus assaulted me, but that rather it was my own prudence thus to start the question for that the elect only obtained eternal life; that I

:

He is tempted to believe the Day of Grace is past.

without scruple did heartily close withal; but that myself was one of them,-there lay the question.

.

• Thus therefore, for several days, I was greatly assaulted and perplexed, and was often, when I have been walking, ready to sink where I went, with faintness in my mind; but one day, after I had been so many weeks oppressed and cast down therewith, as I was now quite giving up the ghost of all my hopes of ever attaining life, that sentence fell with weight upon my spirit, "Look at the generations of old and see; did ever any trust in God, and were confounded?"

At which I was greatly enlightened, and encouraged in my soul; for thus, at that very instant, it was expounded to me: "Begin at the beginning of Genesis, and read to the end of the Revelations, and see if you can find, that there were ever any that trusted in the Lord, and were confounded." So, coming home, I presently went to my Bible, to see if I could find that saying, not doubting but to find it presently; for it was so fresh, and with such strength and comfort on my spirit, that it was as if it talked with me.

me.

'Well, I looked, but I found it not; only it abode upon Then did I ask first this good man, and then another, if they knew where it was, but they knew no such place. At this I wondered, that such a sentence should so suddenly, and with such comfort and strength, seize and abide upon my heart; and yet that none could find it, (for I doubted not but that it was in the holy Scriptures.)

see;

and
or did

'Thus I continued above a year, and could not find the place; but at last, casting my eye upon the Apocryphal books, I found it in Ecclesiasticus, "Look at the generations of old did ever any trust in the Lord and was confounded? any abide in his fear and was forsaken? or whom did he ever despise that called upon him?" Eccles. ii. 10. This, at the first, did somewhat daunt me; but because by this time I had got more experience of the love and kindness of God, it troubled me the less; especially when I considered that though it was not in those texts that we call holy and

He derives Comfort from the fulness of the Goɛpel.

canonical, yet forasmuch as this sentence was the sum and substance of many of the promises, it was my duty to take the comfort of it; and I bless God for that word, for it was of good o me that word doth still oft-times shine before my face.

'After this, that other doubt did come with strength upon me, "But how if the day of grace should be past and gone? How if you have overstood the time of mercy ?" Now I remember that one day, as I was walking in the country, I was much in the thoughts of this, "But how if the day of grace is past?" And to aggravate my trouble, the Tempter presented to my mind those good people of Bedford, and suggested this unto me; that these being converted already, they were all that God would save in those parts; and that I came too late, for these had got the blessing before I came.

'Now I was in great distress, thinking in very deed that this might well be so; wherefore I went up and down, bemoaning my sad condition, counting myself far worse than a thousand fools for standing off thus long, and spending so many years in sin as I had done; still crying out, Oh! that I had turned sooner! Oh! that I had turned seven years ago! It made me also angry with myself, to think that I should have no more wit, but to trifle away my time, till my soul and heaven were lost.

'But when I had been long vexed with this fear, and was scarce able to take one step more, just about the same place where I received my other encouragement, these words broke in upon my mind, "Compel them to come in, that my house may be filled; and yet there is room," Luke xiv. 22, 23. These words, but especially those, "And yet there is room," were sweet words to me; for truly I thought that by them I saw there was place enough in heaven for me; and moreover, that when the Lord Jesus did speak these words, he then did think of me; and that knowing that the time would come, that I should be afflicted with fear that there was no place left for me in his bosom, did before speak this word, and leave it upon record, that I might find help thereby against this vile temptation. This I then verily believed.

Allegory.

'In the light and encouragement of this word, I went a pretty while; and the comfort was the more, when I thought that the Lord Jesus should think on me so long ago, and that he should speak those words on purpose for my sake; for I did think verily, that he did on purpose speak them to encourage me withal.

'But I was not without my temptations to go back again; temptations, I say, both from Satan, mine own heart, and carnal acquaintance; but I thank God these were outweighed by that sound sense of death, and of the day of judgment, which abode, as it were, continually in my view: I would often think on Nebuchadnezzar; of whom it is said, "He had given him all the kingdoms of the earth; and for the majesty that he gave him, all people, nations, and languages trembled and feared before him; whom he would he slew, and whom he would he kept alive; and whom he would he set up, and whom he would he put down," Dan. v. 18, 19. Yet, thought I, if this great man had all his portion in this world, one hour in hell-fire would make him forget all. Which consideration was a great help to me.

'I was also made, about this time, to see something concerning the beasts that Moses counted clean and unclean: I thought those beasts were types of men; the clean, types of them that were the people of God; but the unclean, types of such as were the children of the wicked one. Now I read, that the clean beasts chewed the cud; that is, thought I, they shew us, we must feed upon the word of God: they also parted the hoof; I thought that signified, we must part, if we would be saved, with the ways of ungodly men. And also, in further reading about them, I found that though we did chew the cud, as the hare; yet if we walked with claws, like a dog; or if we did part the hoof, like the swine, yet if we did not chew the cud, as the sheep, we are still, for all that, but unclean. For I thought the hare to be a type of those that talk of the word, yet walk in the ways of sin; and that the swine was like him that parted with his outward 'pollution, but still wanteth the word of faith, without which,

Iars he is not called.

there could be no way of salvation, let a man be never so devout. Deut. xiv. After this, I found by reading the word, that those that must be glorified with Christ in another world must be called by him here; called to the partaking of a share in his word and righteousness, and to the comforts and first-fruits of his Spirit; and to a peculiar interest in all those heavenly things, which do indeed prepare the soul for that rest, and house of glory, which is in heaven above.

'Here again I was at a very great stand, not knowing what to do, fearing I was not called; for, thought I, if I be not called, what then can do me good? None but those who are effectually called inherit the kingdom of heaven. But oh! how I now loved those words that spake of a Christian's calling! as when the Lord said to one, Follow me; and to another, Come after me: and oh, thought I, if he would say so to me too; how gladly would I run after him!

'I cannot now express with what longings and breathings in my soul, I cried to Christ to call me. Thus I continued for a time, all on a flame to be converted to Jesus Christ; and did also see at that day, such glory in a converted state, that I could not be contented without a share therein. Gold!-could it have been gotten for gold, what would I have given for it! Had I had a whole world, it had all gone ten thousand times over for this, that my soul might have been in a converted state.

'How lovely row was every one in my eyes, that I thought to be converted, whether man or woman! They shone; they walked like a people that carried the broad seal of heaven about them. Oh! I saw "the lot was fallen to them in pleasant places, and they had a goodly heritage," Psal. xvi. 6. But that which made me sick, was that of Christ, in St. Mark, "He went up into a mountain, and called to him whom he would, and they came unto him," Mark iii. 13.

This scripture made me faint and fear, yet it kindled fire in my soul. That which made me fear, was this; lest Christ should have no liking to me, for he called whom he would. But oh! the glory that I saw in that condition did still so