: the more I obey this spirit, the more of it I feel the more sensible I am of my own weakness, and at the same time filled with praise and amazement to feel my strength in the Lord. "W. B." Saturday, January 5, 1745, Desiring to see once more our old acquaintance, Mr.Gambold, my brother and I called at James Hutton's. We found there not him, but Mr. S., a new creature indeed! (though not in the Gospel sense) so extremely gay, easy, unconcerned, that one of the Primitive Christians, instead of supposing him to be at rest, as he termed it, in the wounds of Jesus, would have judged he had never heard of his name, much less of taking up his cross daily. I had often wondered at myself, (and sometimes mentioned it to others,) that ten thousand cares of various kinds were no more weight or burthen to my mind than ten thousand hairs were to my head. Perhaps I began to ascribe something of this to my own strength. And thence it might be, that, on Sunday 13, that strength was withheld, and I felt what it was to be troubled about many things. One and another and another hurrying me continually, it seized upon my spirit more and more, till I found it absolutely necessary to flee for my life, and that without delay. So the next day, Monday 14, I took horse, and rode away for Bristol. Between Bath and Bristol I was earnestly desired to turn aside, and call at the house of a poor man, William Shal→ wood. I found him and his wife sick in one bed, and with small hopes of the recovery of either. Yet (after prayer) I believed they would not die but live, and declare the loving-kindness of the Lord. The next time I called, he was sitting below stairs, and his wife able to go abroad. As soon as we came into the house at Bristol, my soul was lightened of her load, of that insufferable weight which had lain upon my mind, more or less for several days. On Sunday several of our friends from Wales, and other parts, joined with us in the great sacrifice of thanksgiving. And every day we found more and more cause to praise God, and to give him thanks for his still-increasing benefits. I found peculiar reason to praise God for the state of the society, both in Bristol and Kingswood. They seemed at last clearly delivered from all vain jangling, from idle controversies and strife of words, and determined not to know any thing, save Jesus Christ and him crucified. Wednesday 30, All our family were at St. James's, our parish church. At twelve we met together, to pour out our souls before God, and to provoke each other to love and to good works. The afternoon I set apart for visiting the sick. Blessed be God, this was a comfortable day. Thursday 31, I rode to Coleford, about twenty (real, twelve computed ) miles south-east from Bristol. The colliers here were only not as famous as those at Kingswood were formerly. I preached near the road side, for the house could not contain a tenth part of the congregation. None opposed, or mocked, or smiled. Surely some of the seed is fallen upon good ground. Monday, Feb. 4, I had the pleasure of receiving from Dr. Hartley, a particular account of Dr. Cheyne's last hours during his last illness; he felt a gentle and gradual decay, so that he apprehended what the event would be. But it did not appear to give him any concern. He seemed quite loose from all below, till without any struggle, either of body or mind, he calmly gave up his soul to God. Tuesday 5, We set out early, and the next day at noon met the little society at Windsor. We called at Brentford likewise, and after a short stop rode on and reached London in the evening. Sunday 17, I laboured much with one of our brethren, whose eyes the Antinomians had just opened, and for the present he seemed to be convinced. But I doubt that cons viction will not continue, it being not so easy to remove any one from that Gospel, which flesh and blood have revealed unto them. My exhorting the congregation here, not to consult with flesh and blood, but to attend the morning preaching, occasioned my receiving the following letter: " DEAR SIR, "FOR some time past I have been very negligent of coming in a morning, though I have been often severely reproved in my own mind for omitting that which I knew was my duty both to God and my brethren. And from time to time, when you have exhorted us to partake of so useful a privilege, I have always been condemned. "A few days ago I set myself to consider, whence this slackness must proceed; and I soon saw, the root of it was, an evil heart of unbelief, departing from the living God, and therefore from his service. The pernicious branches of this I found to be ignorance and sloth. It was ignorance of myself that caused me to cry, Peace, peace, and to say within myself, I know enough and am satisfied. And while I was in this state, pride, anger, lust, worldlymindedness, levity, and carelessness toward God and man, successively got the dominion over me, so that I was no more like a christian than like an angel. Yet I felt but little trouble for it, (save at times) and thereby I sunk into a gulph of sloth, which got the dominion over me in such a manner, that I not only was content, frequently to lie in bed till eight, but in the day time did not care to stir one step forward, especially if it were to visit the sick and distressed. I was forced to drag myself to and fro, and a heavy load I was to myself. And yet my eyes were so blinded, that I was scarce sensible of my sin. The cross I could hardly bear naming; for being so used to shun it at all times, it became a very harsh word to me, and I did not love to hear of it. But glory be to God, ever since this examination, I have been a little stirred up; though still I am in danger of this evil or any other. Lord, leave me not, for without Thee I can do nothing. "I find, whenever I know myself to be poor, and miserable, and blind, and foolish; and while I have a deep sense of my want of love, humility, meekness, seriousness, and wis dom, that I then am in earnest in every duty, particularly rising in the morning. But when I am inwardly careless and proud, full and wise enough, then I can very quietly neglect not only this, but every help which God has given me. "And yet (to speak the whole truth) I am apt to attribute some part of my late sloth and slackness, to too smooth a doctrine which it seems to me has been lately preached among us. I thought the doctrine of Perfection in all its parts (perfect love, meekness, humility, resignation) has not been so strenuously insisted on, as in times past, but only now and then mentioned in general terms: and hereby I was encouraged to be content in this grovelling state, hanging between nature and grace, flesh and spirit. Then it was suggested, Lying in bed is not expressly forbidden in Scripture, nor is rising early expressly commanded.' Yet glory be to God, I had power from Him to resist and overcome this thought: and being earnest with the Lord last night, this morning he did give me both a will and a power to break through, which I thankfully used, and came to meet my brethren at five, with primitive joy and satisfaction." Monday 18, I set out with Richard Moss, for Newcastle. Wednesday 20, soon after we passed through Leicester, a gentleman of Leicester overtook us, kept us company to Loughborough, dined with us there, hen rode back to Leicester. His main business, I found, was to talk with me. He said, he had long been very low-spirited, had had the very best advice, and taken abundance of physic, and yet was as bad, or worse than ever. I explained his case to him at large, and advised him to apply to that Physician, who alone heals the broken in heart. In the evening I preached to the little flock at Nottingham. The next day William Holmes met us at Doncaster, and piloted us through the mire, and water, and snow, lately fallen, to Sykehouse. Finding the congregation ready, I began preaching as soon as I came in, and exhorted them to follow after the great gift of God. Several from Epworth met us here, and we rejoiced unto God with reverence. Friday 22, There was so much snow about Boroughbridge, that we could go on but very slowly: insomuch that the night overtook us when we wanted six or seven miles to the place where we designed to lodge. But we pushed on at a venture across the Moor, and about eight came safe to Sandhutton. Saturday 23, We found the roads abundantly worse than they had been the day before: not only because the snows were deeper, which made the causeways in many places unpassable (and turnpike roads were not known in these parts of England, till some years after) but likewise because the hard frost, succeeding the thaw, had made all the ground like glass. We were often obliged to walk, it being impossible to ride, and our horses several times fell down while we were leading them, but not once while we were riding them, during the whole journey. It was past eight before we got to Gateshead Fell, which appeared a great, pathless waste of white. The snow filling up and covering all the roads, we were at a loss how to proceed; when a honest man of Newcastle overtook and guided us safe into the town. Many a rough journey have I had before; but one like this I never had, between wind and hail, and rain and ice, and snow, and driving sleet, and piercing cold. But it is past. Those day's will return no more, and are therefore as though they had never been. "Pain, disappointment, sickness, strife, However, grievous in its stay, It shakes the tenement of clay, On Monday and Tuesday I diligently enquired, Who were offended at each other? This being the sin, which of |