To snatch a few short hours of sleep-
Rise-breakfast-read the Times-
Then take their hats, and post away,
Like Clerks or City scrubs,
And no one sees them all the day,-
They live, eat, drink, at Clubs !
On what they say, and what they do,
They close the Club-House gates;
But one may guess a speech or two,
Though shut from their debates:
"The Cook's a hasher-nothing more—
The Children noisy grubs-
A Wife's a quiz, and home's a bore"-
Yes, that's the style at Clubs!
With Rundle, Dr. K., or Glasse,
And such Domestic Books,
They once put up-but now, alas!
It's hey! for foreign cooks!
"When will you dine at home, my Dove?" I say to Mister Stubbs,—
"When Cook can make an omelette, love,
An omelette like the Clubs !"
Time was, their hearts were only placed
On snug domestic schemes,
The book for two-united taste,-
And such connubial dreams,—
Friends dropping in at close of day
To singles, doubles, rubs,—
A little music-then the tray-
And not a word of Clubs!
But former comforts they condemn;
French kickshaws they discuss,
They take their wine, the wine takes them,
And then they favour us :-
From some offence they can't digest,
As cross as bears with cubs,)
Or sleepy, dull, and queer, at best-
That's how they come from Clubs!
It's very fine to say "Subscribe
To Andrews'-can't you read?”
When Wives, the poor neglected tribe,
Complain how they proceed!
They'd better recommend at once
Philosophy and tubs,—
A woman need not be a dunce
To feel the wrong of Clubs.
A set of savage Goths and Picts,
Would seek us now and then-
They're pretty pattern-Benedicts
To guide our single men !
Indeed my daughters both declare
"Their Beaux shall not be subs.
To White's, or Black's, or anywhere, —
They've seen enough of Clubs!"
They say, "without the marriage ties,
They can devote their hours
To catechize or botanize-
Shells, Sunday Schools, and flow'rs-
Or teach a Pretty Poll new words,
Tend Covent-Garden shrubs,
Nurse dogs and chirp to little birds-
As Wives do since the Clubs."
Alas! for those departed days
Of social wedded life,
When married folks had married ways,
And lived like Man and Wife!
Oh! Wedlock then was pick'd by none-
As safe a lock as Chubb's!
But couples, that should be as one,
Are now the Two of Clubs!
Of all the modern schemes of man
That time has brought to bear,
A plague upon the wicked plan
That parts the wedded pair!
My female friends they all allow
They meet with slights, and snubs, And say, "They have no husbands now,"They're married to their Clubs!"
OW oft in families intrudes
The demon of domestic feuds,
One liking this, one hating that,
Each snapping each, like dog and cat,
With divers bents and tastes perverse,
One's bliss, in fact, another's curse.
How seldom anything we see
Like our united family!
Miss Brown of chapels goes in search,
Her sister Susan likes the church;
One plays at cards, the other don't;
One will be gay, the other won't:
In pray'r and preaching one persists,
The other sneers at Methodists;
On Sundays ev'n they can't agree
Like our united family.
There's Mr. Bell, a Whig at heart,
His lady takes the Tories' part,
While William, junior, nothing loth,
Spouts Radical against them both.
One likes the News, one takes the Age,
Another buys the unstamped page;
They all say 7, and never we,
Like our united family.
Not so with us;-with equal zeal
We all support Sir Robert Peel;
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