Thus fynods oft' concern for faith conceal,
And for important nothings fhew a zeal:
The drooping fciences neglected pine,
And Pæan's beams with fading luftre shine.
No readers here with hectic looks are found,
Nor eyes in rheum, through midnight-watching,
drown'd;
The lonely edifice in fweats complains
That nothing there but fullen filence reigns.
This place, fo fit for undisturb'd repofe,
The god of floth for his asylum chofe;
Upon a couch of down in thefe abodes,
Supine with folded arms he thoughtless nods;
Indulging dreams his godhead lull to eafe,
With murmurs of foft rills, and whifpering trees:
The poppy and each numbing plant difpenfe
Their drowzy virtue, and dull indolence;
No paffions interrupt his eafy reign,
No problems puzzle his lethargic brain;
But dark oblivion guards his peaceful bed,
And lazy fogs hang lingering o'er his head.
As at full length the pamper'd monarch lay,
Battening in ease, and flumbering life away;
A fpiteful noife his downy chains unties,
Haftes forward, and increafes as it flies.
Firft, fome to cleave the ftubborn flint engage,
Till, urg'd by blows, it fparkles into rage:
Some temper lute, fome fpatious veffels move;
Thefe furnaces erect, and thofe approve;
Here phials in nice difcipline are set,
There gallipots are rang'd in alphabet.
In this place, inagazines of pills you spy:
In that, like forage, herbs in bundles lie;
While lifted pefties, brandifh'd in the air,
Defcend in peals, and civil wars declare. [rend,
Loud frokes, with pounding spice, the fabric
And aromatic clouds in fpires afcend.
So when the Cyclops o'er their anvils fweat,
And fwelling finews echoing blows repeat;
From the volcanos grofs eruptions rife,
And curling fheet of fmoke obfcure the fkics.
The flumbering God, amaz'd at this new din, Thrice ftrove to rife, and thrice funk down again, Liftlefs he firetch'd, and gaping rubb'd his eyes, Then falter'd thus betwixt half words and fighs: How impotent a deity am !!
With godhead born, but curs'd, that cannot die!
Through my indulgence, mortals hourly share
A grateful negligence, and cafe from care.
Lull'd in my arms, how long have I with-held
The northern monarchs from the dusty field!
How I have kept the British fleet at cafe,
From tempting the rough dangers of the feas!
Hibernia owns the mildnefs of my reign,
And my divinity's ador'd in Spain.
I fwains to fylvan folitudes convey,
Where, ftretch'd on moffy beds, they waste away
In gentle joys the night, in vows the day.
What marks of wondrous elemency I've shown,
Some reverend worthies of the gown can own:
Triumphant plenty, with a cheerful grace,
Bafks in their eyes, and iparkles in their face.
How fleek their looks, how goodly is their mien,
When big they frut behind a double chin!
* The building of the difpenfary.
Each faculty in blandishments they lull,
Afpiring to be venerably dull;
No learn'd debates moleft their downy trance,
Or difcompofe their pompous ignorance;
But, undisturb'd, they loiter life away,
So wither green, and bloffom in decay;
Deep funk in down, they, by my gentle care,
Avoid th' inclemencies of morning air, [prayer.
And leave to tatter'd crape the drudgery of)
Urim † was civil, and not void of sense,
Had humour, and a courteous confidence:
So fpruce he moves, fo gracefully he cocks,
The hallow'd rofe declares him orthodox:
He pafs'd his eafy hours, inftead of prayer,
In madrigals, and phillyfing the fair;
Conftant at feafts, and each decorum knew,
And, foon as the defert appear'd, withdrew;
Always obliging, and without offence,
And fancy'd, for his gay impertinence.
But fee how ill-miftaken parts fucceed;
He threw off my dominion, and would read;
Engag'd in controverfy, wrangled well!
In convocation language could excel;
In volumes prov'd the church without defence,
By nothing guarded but by Providence;
How grace and moderation disagree;
And violence advances charity.
Thus writ till none would read, becoming foon A wretched fcribbler, of a rare buffoon.
Mankind my fond propitious power has try' Too oft' to own, too much to be deny'd.' And all I afk are fhades and filent bowers, To pafs in foft forgetfulness my hours. Oft' have my fears fome diftant villa chofe, O'er their quietus where fat judges dose, And lull their cough and confcience to repofe: Or, if fome cloister's refuge I implore, () Where holy drones o'er dying tapers fnore, The peals of Naffau's arms thefe eyes unclofe Mine he molefts, to give the world repofe. That eafe I offer with contempt he flies, His couch a trench, his canopy the skies. Nor climes nor feafons his refolves controul, Th' equator has no heat, no ice the pole. With arms refiftlefs o'er the globe he flies, And leaves to Jove the empire of the skies.
But, as the flothful god to yawn begun, He fhook off the dull mift, and thus went on:
(e) Sometimes among the Cafpian cliffs I creep,
Where folitary bats and fwallows fleep;
Or, if fome cloister's refuge implore,
Where holy drones o'er dying tapers fnore,
Still Naffau's arms a foft repofe deny,
Keep me awake, and follow where I fly,
Since he has blefs'd the weary world with peace, And with a nod has bid Bellona ceafe;
I fought the covert of fome peaceful ceil,
Where filent fhades in harmlefs raptures dwell;
That rett might paft tranquillity restore,
And mortal never interrupt me more.
Since mortals will difpute my power, I'll try
Who has the greatest empire, they or I.
Find envy out, fome prince's court attend,
Moft likely there you'll meet the famish'd
fiend; (e)
Or where dull critics authors' fate foretell;
Or where ftale maids, or meagre eunuchs, dwell;
Tell the bleak fury what new projects reign
Among the homicides of Warwick-lane;
And what th' event, unless fhe ftrait inclines
To blast their hopes, and baffle their defigns.
More he had spoke, but sudden vapours rife,
And with their filken cords tie down his eyes.
(e) Or in cabals, or camps, or at the bar, Or whore ill poets pennylefs confer,
Or in the fenate-house at Westminster.
Soon as the evening veil'd the mountains heads
And winds lay huff'd in fubterranean beds;
Whilft fickening flowers drink up the filver dew,
And beaux for fome affembly drefs anew;
The city faints to prayers and play-house haste;
The rich to dinner, and the poor to reft:
Th' officious phantom then prepar'd with care
To flide on tender pinions through the air.
Oft' he attempts the fummit of a rock,
And oft' the hollow of fome blafted oak;
At length approaching where bleak envy lay;
The hifling of her snakes proclaim'd the way.
Beneath the gloomy covert of an yew,
That taints the grafs with fickly fweats of dew;
No verdant beauty entertains the fight,
But baneful hemlock, and cold aconite;
In a dark grot the baleful haggard lay,
Breathing black vengeance, and infecting day.
But how deform'd, and worn with fpiteful woes,
When Accius has applause, Dorfennus fhews.
The cheerful blood her meagre cheeks forfook,
And bafilifks fate brooding in her look;
A bald and bloated toad-ftool raif'd her head;
The plumes of boding ravens were her bed :
From her chapp'd noftrils fcalding torrents fall,
And her funk eyes boil o'er in floods of gall.
Volcanos labour thus with inward pains,
While feas of melted ore lay wafte the plains.
Around the fiend in hideous order fate
Foul bawling infamy, and bold debate;
Gruff difcontent, through ignorance mifled,
And clamorous faction at her party's head;
Restless fedition still diffembling fear,
And By hypocrify with pious leer.
Glouting with fullen fpite the fury fhook Her clotted locks, and blasted with each look; Then tore with canker'd teeth the pregnant ferolls Where fame the acts of demi-gods enrols; And, as the rent-records in pieces fell, Each scrap did fome immortal action tell.
This fhow'd, how fix'd as fate Torquatus ftood, That, the fam'd paffage of the Granic flood; The Julian eagles, here, their wings display, And there, like fetting flars, the Decii lay; This does Camillus as a god extol, That points at Manlius in the capitol; How Cocles did the Tiber's furges brave, How Curtius plung'd into the gaping grave. Great Cyrus, here, the Medes and Perfrans join, And, there, th' immortal battle of the Boyne. As the light meffenger the fury fpy'd, Awhile his curdling blood forgot to glide: Confufion on his fainting vitals hung, And faltering accents flutter'd on his tongue : At length, affuming courage, he convey' 'd His errand, then he shrunk into a fhade.
The hag lay long revolving what might be The bleft event of fuch an embassy: Then blazons in dread fmiles her hideous form; So lightning gilds the unrelenting storm. (ƒ)
(ƒ) Then the: Alas! how long in vain have
Aim'd at thefe noble ills the fates deny?
Within this ifle for ever muft I find
Difafters to diftract my reftlefs mind?
Thus the--Mankind are bleft, they riot still
Unbounded in exorbitance of ill.
By devaftation the rough warrior gains,
And farmers fatten moft when famine reigns;
For fickly feasons the phyficians wait,
And politicians thrive in broils of state;
The lover's eafy when the fair-one fighs,
And gods fubfift not but by sacrifice.
Each other being fome indulgence knows:
Few are my joys, but infinite my woes.
My prefent pain Britannia's genius wills,
And thus the fates record my future ills.
A heroine fhall Albion's fceptre bear,
With arms fhall vanquish earth, and heaven with prayer.
She on the world her clemency shall shower,
And only to preserve exert her power.
Tyrants fhall then their impious aims forbear,'
And Blenheim's thunder more than Ætna's fear.
Since by no arts I therefore can defeat
The happy enterprises of the great,
I'll calmly stoop to more inferior things,
And try if my lov'd fnakes have teeth or ftings.
She faid; and ftraight fhrill Colon's
In morals loose, but most precife in look.
Black-friars annals lately pleas'd to call
Him warden of apothecaries-hall;
And, when fo dignify'd, did not forbear
That operation which the learn'd declare
Gives colics ease, and makes the ladies fair.
In trifling fhow his tinfel talent lies;
And form the want of intellects fupplics.
In afpect grand and goodly he appears,
Rever'd as patriarchs in primæval years.
Hourly his learn'd impertinence affords
A barren fuperfluity of words; (g)
Good Tenifon's celestial piety
At laft has rais'd him to the facred fee. Somers does fickening equity restore,
And helpless orphans are opprefs'd no more.
Pembroke to Britain endless bleffings brings.
He fpoke; and peace clapp'd her triumphant wings.
Great Ormond fhines illuftriously bright
With blazes of hereditary right.
The noble ardour of a royal fire
Infpires the generous breaft of Devonshire.
And Macclesfield is active to defend
His country with the zeal he loves his friend.
Like Leda's radiant fons divinely clear,
Portland and Jersey deck'd in rays appear,
To gild by turns the Gallic hemisphere.
Worth in distress is rais'd by Montague;
Auguftus liftens if Mæcenas fue;
And Vernon's vigilance no flumber takes,
Whilft faction peeps abroad, and anarchy awakes.
(g) In haste he strides along, to recompenfe The want of business with its vain pretence.
The patient's ears remorfelefs he affails,
Murders with jargon where his medicine fails.
The fury thus affuming Colon's grace,
So flung her arms, fo fhuffl'd in her pace.
Onward the haftens to the fam'd abodes,
Where Horoscope invokes th' infernal gods:
And reach'd the mansion where the vulgar run,
For ruin throng, and pay to be undone.
This vifionary various projects trics,
And knows that to be rich is to be wife.
By useful obfervations he can tell
The facred charms that in true fterling dwell;
How gold makes a patrician of a flave,
A dwarf an Atlas, a. Therfites brave.
It cancels all defects, and in their place
Finds fenfe in Brownlow, charms in Lady Grace
It guides the fancy, and directs the mind;
No bankrupt ever found a fair-one kind.
So truly Horoscope its virtues knows,
To this lov'd idol 'tis, alone, he bows;,,
And fancies fuch bright heraldry can prove,
The vile plebeian but the third from Jove.
Long has he been of that amphibious fry,
Bold to prefcribe, and busy to apply.
His fhop the gazing vulgar's eyes employs
With foreign trinkets, and domeftic toys.
Here mummies lay moft reverendly stale;
And there the tortoife hung her coat of mail;
Not far from fome huge fhark's devouring head
The flying fish their finny pinions spread;
Aloft in rows large poppy-heads were strung,
And near, a fcaly alligator hung;
In this place, drugs in mufty heaps decay'd;
In that, dry'd bladders and drawn teeth were laid.
An inner room receives the numerous fhoals
Of fuch as pay to be reputed fools.
Globes ftand by globes, volumes on volumes lie,
And planetary schemes amuse the eye.
The fage, in velvet chair, here lolls at eafe,
To promife future health for prefent fees;
Then, as from tripod, folemn fhame reveals,
And what the stars know nothing of, foretels.
One afks how foon Panthea may be won,
And longs to feel the marriage-fetters on :
Others, convinc'd by melancholy proof,
Inquire when courteous fates will strike them off.
Some, by what means they may redress their
When fathers the poffeffion keep too long.
And fome would know the iffue of their cause,
And whether gold can folder up its flaws.
Poor pregnant Lais his advice would have,
To lofe by art what fruitful nature gave;
And Portia, old in expectation grown,
Laments her barren curfe, and begs a fon :
Whilft Iris his cosmetic wash would try,
To make her bloom revive, and lovers dic.
Some ask for charms, and others philters choose,
To gain Corinna, and their quartans lose.
Young Hylas, botch'd with stains too foul to name,
In cradle here renews his youthful frame;
Cloy'd with defire, and furfeited with charms,
A hot-house he prefers to Julia's arms.
And old Lucullus would th' arcanum prove,
of kindling in cold veins the sparks of love.
Bleak envy thefe dull frauds with pleasure
fees,
And wonders at the fenfeless myfteries.
In Colon's voice fhe thus calls out aloud
On Horoscope environ'd by the crowd:
For bear, forbear, thy vain amusements cease,
Thy woodcocks from their gins awhile release;
And to that dire misfortune liften well,
Which thou should'st fear to know, or I to tell.
'Tis true, thou ever wast esteem'd by me
The great Alcides of our company.
When we with noble scorn refolv'd to cafe
Ourselves from all parochial offices;
And to our wealthier patients left the care
And draggled dignity of fcavenger;
Such zeal in that affair thou didst exprefs,
Nought could be equal, but the great fuccefs.
Now call to mind thy generous prowess past,
Be what thou should'ft, by thinking what thou waft:
The faculty of Warwick-lane defign,
It not to ftorm, at least to undermine.
Their gates each day ten thousand night-caps crowd,
And mortars utter their attempts aloud.
If they fhould once unmask our mystery,
Each nurfe, ere long, would be as learn'd as we;
Our art expos'd to every vulgar eye;
And none, in complaifance to us, would die.
What if we claim their right t'affaffinate,
Muft they needs turn apothecaries straight?
Prevent it, gods! all ftratagems we try,
To crowd with new inhabitants your sky.
'Tis we who wait the destinies' command,
To purge the troubled air, and weed the land.
And dare the college infolently aim
To equal our fraternity in fame?
Then let crabs-eyes with pearl for virtue try,
Or Highgate-hill with lofty Pindus vie;
So glow-worns may compare with Titan's beams,
And Hare-court pump with Aganippe's streams.
Our mannfactures now they meanly sell,
And their true value treacherously tell;
Nay, they discover too, their spite is fuch,
That health, that crowns more valued, cofts not
much;
Whilft we must steer our conduct by these rules,
To cheat as tradesmen, or to starve as fools. (a)
At this fam'd Horofcope turn'd pale, and
straight
In filence tumbled from his chair of state:
The crowd in great confufion fought the door,
And left the magus fainting on the floor;
Whilft in his breaft the fury breath'd a ftorm,
Then fought her cell, and re-affum'd her form.
Thus from the fore although the insect flies,
It leaves a brood of maggots in disgufe.
Officious Squirt in hafte forfook his shop,
To fuccour the expiring Horoscope.
Oft' he effay'd the magus to restore,
By falt of fuccinum's prevailing power;
Yet ftill fupine the folid lumber lay,
An image of fear ce-animated clay;
Till fates, indulgent when disasters call,
By Squirt's nice hand apply'd a urinal.
The wight no fooner did the stream receive,
But rouz'd, and blefs'd the ftale restorative.
The fprings of life their former vigour feel;
Such zeal he had for that vile utenfil.
So when the great Pelides Thetis found, He knew the fea-weed fcent, and th' azure god. defs own'd.
(a) Whilft we, at our expence, must persevere, And for another world, be ruin'd here.
ALL night the fage in penfive tumults lay,
Complaining of the flow approach of day;
Oft turn'd him round, and ftrove to think no
Of what thrill Colon faid the day before.
Cowlips and poppies o'er his eyes he spread,
And Salmon's works he laid beneath his head.
But those blefs'd opiates ftill in vain he tries,
Sleep's gentle image his embraces flies:
Tumultuous cares lay rolling in his breast,
And thus his anxious thoughts the fage exprest.
Oft has this planet roll'd around the fun,
Since to confult the skies I first begun:
Such my applause, fo mighty my success,
Some granted my predictions more than guess.
But, doubtful as I am, I'll entertain
This faith, there can be no mistake in gain.
For the dull world muft honour pay to thofe,
Who on their understanding most impose.
First man creates, and then he fears the elf;
Thus others cheat him not, but he himself;
He lothes the fubftance, and he loves the
fhow;
You'll ne'er convince a fool, himself is so :
He hates realities, and hugs the cheat,
And ftill the only pleasure's the deceit.
So meteors flatter with a dazzling dye,
Which no existence has, but in the eye.
As diftant profpects pleafe us, but when near
We find but defert rocks and fleeting air ;
From ftratagem to fratagem we run,
And he knows moft, who lateft is undone.
Mankind one day ferene and free appear;
The next, they're cloudy, fullen, and severe;
New paffions new opinions ftill excite;
And what they like at noon they leave at night. They gain with labour what they quit with eafe;
And health, for want of change, becomes difeafe,
Religion's bright authority they dare,
And yet are flaves to fuperftitious fear.
They counfel others, but themfelves deceive;
And though they're cozen'd ftill, they ftill be-
So falfe their cenfure, fickle their efteem, This hour they worship, and the next blafpheme. Shall I then, who with penetrating sight Infpect the fprings that guide each appetite; Who with unfathom'd fearches hourly pierce The dark receffes of the univerfe; Be aw'd, if punny emmets would opprefs; Or fear their fury, or their name carefs? If all the fiends that in low darkness reign Be not the fictions of a fickly brain, That profpect, the difpenfary they call, Before the moon can blunt her borns, fhall fall. With that, a glance from mild Aurora's eyes Shoots through the cryftal kingdoms of the skies. The favage kind in forefts ccafe to roam, And fots, o'ercharg'd with naufeous loads, reel
Drums, trumpets, hautboys, wake the flumbering pair,
Whilft bridegroom fighs, and thinks the bride lefs fair;
Light's cheerful fmiles o'er th' azure wafte are
And mifs from inns of court bolts out unpaid;
The fage, tranfported at th' approaching hour,
Imperiously thrice thunder'd on the floor;
Officious Squirt that moment had accefs,
His truft was great, his vigilance no lefs.
To him thus Horoscope:
My kind compaffion in this dire affair,
Which is more light, fince you affume a fhare;
Fly with what hatte you us'd to do of old,
When clyfter was in danger to be cold;
With expedition on the beadle call,
To fummon all the company to th' hall.
Away the friendly coadjutor flies, Swift as from phial fteams of hearts-horn rife. The magus in the interim mumbles o'er Vile terms of art to fome infernal power, And draws myfterious circles on the floor. But from the gloomy vault no glaring fright. Afcends, to blaft the tender bloom of light. No myftic founds from hell's detefted womb In duíky exhalations upwards come. And now to raife an altar he decrees, To that devouring harpy call'd Difcate:
Then flowers in canisters he haftes to bring,
The wither'd product of a blighted spring;
With cold folanum from the Pontic fhore,
The roots of mandrake and black hellebore;
The griper fenna, and the puker rue,
The sweetener faffafras, are added too;
And on the structure next he heaps a load
Of fulphur, turpentine, and mastic wood;
Gams, foffils too, the pyramids increas'd;
A mummy next, once monarch of the east;
Then from the compter he takes down the file,
And with prefcriptions lights the folemn pile.
Feebly the flames on clumfy wings afpire,
And fmothering fogs of fmoke benight the fire
With forrow he beheld the fad portent,
Then to the hag thefe orifons he fent :
Difeafe! thou ever most propitious power, Whofe kind indulgence we discern each hour! Thou well canft boaft thy numerous pedigree, (4) Begot by floth, maintain'd by luxury.
In gilded palaces thy prowefs reigns,
But flies the humble theds of cottage fwains.
Το you fuch might and energy belong,
You nip the blooming, and unnerve the strong.
The purple conqueror in chains you bind,
And are to us your vaffals only kind.
If, in return, all diligence we pay
To fix your empire, and confirm your sway,
Far as the weekly-bills can reach around,
From Kent-ftreet end, to fam'd St. Giles's pound
Behold this poor libation with a smile,
And let aufpicious light break through the pile.
He fpoke; and on the pyramid he laid
Bay-leaves and vipers-hearts, and thus he said:
As thefe confume in this mysterious fire,
So let the curs'd difpenfary expire!
And as thofe crackle in the flames, and die,
So let its veffels burft, and glaffes fly!
But a finifter cricket ftraight was heard;
The altar fell, the offering difappear'd.
As the fam'd wight the omen did regret,
Squirt brought the news the company was met.
Nigh where Fleet-ditch defcends in fable streams,
To wash his footy Naiads in the Thames;
There ftands a structure on a rifing hill,
Where Tyros take their freedom out to kill.
Some pictures in these dreadful fhambles tell,
How, by the Delian god, the Python fell;
And how Medea did the philtre brew,
That could in Æfon's veins young force renew;
How mournful Myrrha for her crimes appears,
And heals hyfteric matrons still with tears;
How Mentha and Althea, nymphs no more,
Revive in facred plants, and health restore;
How fanguine fwains their amorous hours repent,
When pleasure's paft, and pains are permanent;
And how frail nymphs oft', by abortion, aim
To loofe a fubftance, to preferve a name.
(4) Thou that wouldft lay whole ftates and re gions walle,
Sooner than we thy cormorants faould fast.
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