that yure a heelander40 an wares pettycoats an the Bearer is misther pollock11 he awlways spinds haf a yeer on the erth an haf a yeer hear an if yull jest giv him the munny or an ordure42 on the bank hell no43 what 2 doo with it giv me luv 2 bensin14 an jerry45 and misther mc allisther46

No. I.

I cut them them all wan day at commons, sainiors and juniors. It was in Asthrnomy. Who is the Man in the Moon,' says I, 'an where do ye find him?' An some said wan thing, an some said another thing, an nobody said the right thing. So I ansered the question meself; 'Why,' says I, 'he's a play be Settle, an ye'll find him in the College Library if ye choose to look for him; an, if ye don't, Bensin ill1 find him for ye.' So I settled em: ha ha ha!

No. II.

I was as good a saint as Saint Senanus, an Saint Kevin.2 I didnt like to have women botherin me, an stravaguin3 through take, which I met with some years since on a tomb-stone, in a cemetery at Glendalough, county of Wicklow. Requiescat in pace was rendered —“ May he rest in pease!"

40 heelander: "highlander."

pollock: Not Pollock, late of

***** Square, nor Pollock of ********* Street, but Pollux. See Lempriere's Classical Dictionary. Decency, Catty honey."

42 ordure: "order." 66 43 hell no: "he'll know."

44 bensin: "Benson." The premier porter of the library. One who will give his opinion on any question in politics, or of any book in the collection. "What news, Benson ?" inquired I one morning. "Nothing but a little from Parnambucka [Pernambuco]," replied he. Another morning I was curious and indecorous enough to peep over his shoulder, in order to ascertain what book he was reading. It was "The Life of Mr. Thomas Firmin, citizen of London.” 5 jerry: "Jerry." A badge-man. One of the "lords of the creation," as he was once facetiously termed.

45

46 misther me allisther: "MR. M'ALLISTER." The mace-bearer [à copvvárns】 and head-porter of the University. I am happy to have this opportunity of printing his name in capitals.

be: "by."

ill: "will."

2 See Moore's Irish Melodies.

3 stkravaguin: "stravaguing"-"strolling." Derived probably by pleo

the library. Docther ***** [him that says Noah's ark is still in bein1] brought a whole bilen o them wan day into the librarian's room to me, an I was afeared, an began thinkin o Joseph an Potipher's wife: an I couldnt get out o the door, because it was chuck full o them, an I couldnt get out o the window, because Id break me neck: so I turned me back to them, the way they mightnt see me face, an thrust my head [face an all] into the safe, an called Bensin. 'Bensin,' says I, 'stand here close by me an when theyre gone take an tell me, that I may take me head out o the safe again, Bensin.'

7

No. III.

They were always pestherin me about my memory, says the provost to me wan day.-'Docther Barrett,' says he, 'yere alway braggin o your memory: tell me who was Lord Mayor in the year 1739?' 'How should I know,' says I, 'who was Lord Mayor in the year 1739?' Well,' says he, who was Junior Alther'An how should I know who was Junior Altherman?' 'Can't ye ask me somethin in me own way,' says I, 'an I'll anser ye?' 'Well, then,' says he, who was Bursar?' Why,' says I, 'it must be Hughes, for he was expelled that year be owld Baldwin, for callin him a rascal.'8

man?' says I.

No. IV.

'You've only anserd me wan word in Greek, *** says I, one day I was examinin him, and that's ènci - an' do ye know the raisin why?-because ye didn't know e'er an other.' nasm, from "straying." Thus "gallivant" from "gallant."

sim.

4 bein: "being."

5 bilen: "boiling;" synonymous to "kit" -"crowd."

- LOBSKI-pas

6 Many expressions considered essentially vulgar in Ireland, as used exclu sively by the lower orders, are really correct and figurative forms still existing in the Irish language. The phrase "the way," as here employed, means "in order that." Instance are, I believe, to be found in the Irish Bible, of this application of the term.

7 A little recess in the wall of the librarian's room.

8 What will not potations of Lethe effect? The doctor, never known to trip during his lifetime, is here guilty of a gross inaccuracy. Most respectable testimony cauld be adduced in support of the assertion that the word employed, so far from being "rascal," was simply―" scoundrel."

4

No. V.

I wans towld the fellows a story at Commons about an Indian custom, an a great many years afther they raped it up to me again. Do ye know where ye found the story ye towld10 us wanst about the Indian custom?' says they. Why wouldn't I' says I. And where did ye find it?' says they. So I towlt them that I found it in wan o' the volumes o' Churchill's Voyages, six pages from the end. An do ye recollect,' says they, wurkin11 at me still, when you towld it to us? In one thousand seven hundred and ninety-three,' says I.

No. VI.

In the owld Muses, 12 that was also used for a ball-court, they used to bob their heads again1 the arches and partitions at night, because it was dark. So we tuck an locked the Muses up every night, and then they rised to commit misdemeanours about the palace outside, just as Lord Byron says the Italians does about a pillar at Ravenna, so that in a new sense-olué runt manè Camana. So the board thought it best to take an put up a lamp in the Muses, and I thought it a very good plan, but liable to objections: so when it came to my turn to spake, I said— that it would be very well to putt up the lamp, but that it should be taken down at night, for fear the lads id break it.

9 raped [reaped] it up: "referred to it"—"recalled it."

10 towld: "told."

wurkin: "working."

19 An appurtenance to the University situated behind the kitchen and dedicated to post-culinary purposes. It derives its name from an edifice—similar and similarly posited — of more ancient date, which contained nine stalls or recesses, separated from each other by wooden partitions. The increased diffusion of learning throughout the island cannot be better attested than by the circumstance that it was found necessary, on re-edifying the building, to double the number of recesses. As the designation "Muses" seemed likely to be entailed upon the new structure, some noble-hearted youths-burning to protect their country from the impending imputation of a bull-resolved to adopt a new one, and accordingly dubbed it "The Fellows," (the number of the Junior Fellows being just eighteen.) In vain! Despite of loyalty, and gratitude, and fashion itself, Dunleary is Dunleary still despite of patriotism, and decency, and common sense, “The Muses" are still “The Muses."

The Last Words of Charles Edwards, Esq.*

CHAPTER I.

I AM, or, more properly speaking, I have been, a man of pleasure. I am now forty years, less some few months, of age; and I shall depart this life at twelve o'clock to-night. About that hour it is that I propose to shoot myself through the head. Let this letter be evidence that I do the act advisedly. I should be sorry to have that resolution confounded with madness, which is founded upon the coolest and maturest consideration. Men are coxcombs even in death; and I will not affect to disguise my weakness. I would not forfeit the glory of triumphing over broken-spirited drunkards and half-crazy opium-chewers-of being able to die grateful for the joys I have experienced, and

* This striking paper, which appeared in Blackwood for October, 1823, was introduced by Maginn, in his usual manner of mystification, by the following epistle to the renowned Christopher North:—

“Dear North, —I shall be obliged by your sinking scruples, and giving a place in your next Number to the enclosed paper, entitled, 'The Last Words of Charles Edwards, Esq.' The production will of itself sufficiently explain who the writer was. I knew him in the Peninsula as a dashing fellow; and, notwithstanding all he says, he was a great favourite with his mess. Bad as he was, he did not want some good points: he was not a scoundrel to the core. He is gone! May the history of his errors do good to one young and unhardened sinner! I think it may well be expected to do good to hundreds of them. "Some people will say you act wrongly in giving publicity to such a record. Don't mind this—it is mere cant. The paper is a transcript-I have no doubt a faithful one, of the feelings of a man who had strong passions himself, who understood human passion, who understood the world, and who lived miserably, and died most miserably, because he could not, or would not, understand himself; and therefore derived no benefits from his acute perceptions as to others. Is not this a lesson? I think it is not only a lesson, but a lesson of lessons; and I request you to print the thing as it stands.

"I received the paper from an old friend of mine, who at one time served in the same troop with Edwards. The packet was left at his house on Christmas night, 1822. He was from home at the time, and did not reach London until a week had elapsed. The hand-writing was disguised, but he recognized it notwithstanding; and the newspapers of the day sufficiently confirmed the import.— Yours truly, "MORGAN ODOHERTY."

of disdaining to calumniate pleasures after they have ceased to be within my reach. I do assure you, Mr. ********, that I should wait personally upon you with this epistle; but that I think the mere reasonableness of my suicide must carry conviction with it of my sanity; but that I trust to lay before you such facts, and such arguments, as shall approve me not only justifiable, but most philosophic, in destroying myself. Hear what I have done; weigh what I mean to do; and judge if I deserve the name of madman.

I was born of a family rather ancient than rich; and inherited, with something like the handsome person of my father, his disposition to expend money rather than to acquire it. To my own recollection, at eighteen, I was of a determined temper, rather than of a violent one; ardent in the prosecution of objects, rather than sudden to undertake them; not very hasty either in love or in quarrel. I had faculty enough to write bad verses,not industry enough to write anything else; and an aptitude for billiards and horse-riding to a miracle.

Now I desire to have this considered not as a confession, but as a statement. As I plead guilty to no fault, I make a declaration, not an acknowledgment. I am not lamenting anything that is past. If I had to begin again to-morrow, I would begin again in the same way. I should vary my course perhaps something, with the advantage of my present experience; but, take it in the main, and it would be the race that I have run already.

At eighteen, with an education, as Lord Foppington has it, "rather at large;" for (like Swift's captain of horse) my tutors were the last people who expected any good of me,-at eighteen, it became necessary for me to think of a profession. My first attempt in life was in the navy. I was anxious to go, and cared very little whither; and a school-boy midshipman of my acquaintance cajoled me into a Mediterranean voyage, by promises of prize-money, and descriptions of Plymouth harbour.

If I were to speak from my feeling at the present moment, I should say, that the life of a sailor has its charms. I am bankrupt in appetite, as well as in estate; if I have nothing left to enjoy, I have little capacity left for enjoyment; and I now know how to appreciate that exuberance of spirit with which a