THE DISSIPATED OXFORD STUDENT, A DIALOGUE BETWEEN A BROTHER, AND HIS TWO SISTERS.

LIONEL, LAVINIA, and CAMILLA.

Lionel. Ham glad to see you, upon my soul I am.

WOW do you do, girls? how do you do?

[Shaking them hard by the hand. Lavinia. I thought, brother, you had been at Dr. Marchmont's!

Lion. All in good time, my dear; I shall certainly visit the old gentleman before long.

Lav. Gracious, Lionel !-If my mother

Lion. My dear little Lavinia, [Chucking her under the chin] I have a mighty notion of making visits at my own time and appointment, instead of my mamma's. Lav. O Lionel! and can you just now

Lion. Come, come, don't let us waste our precious moments in this fulsome moralizing. If I had not luckily been hard by, I should not have known the coast was clear. Pray where are the old folks gone tantivying?

Camilla. To Cleves.

Lion. To Cleves! What a happy escape! I was upon the point of going thither myself. Camilla, what is the matter with thee, my little duck?

Cam. Nothing-I am only thinking-Pray when do you go to Oxford ?

Lion. Poh, poh, what do you talk of Oxford for? you are grown quite stupid, girl. I believe you have lived too long with that old maid of a Margland. Pray how does that dear creature do? I am afraid she will grow melancholy from not seeing me so long. Is she as pretty as she used to be? I have some notion of sending her a suitor.

Lav. O brother, is it possible you can have such spirits?

Lion. O hang it; if one is not merry when one can, what is the world good for? Besides, I do assure you, I fretted so consumedly hard at first, that for the life of me I can fret no longer.

Cam. But why are you not at Dr. Marchmont's?

Lion. Because, my dear soul, you can't conceive how much pleasure those old doctors take in lecturing a youngster who is in any disgrace.

Cam. Disgrace!

Lav. At all events, I beseech you to be a little careful; I would not have my poor mother find you here for the world.

Lion. O, as to that, I defy her to desire the meeting less than I do. But come, let's talk of something else. How go on the classics? Is my old friend, Dr. Orkborne, as chatty and amusing as ever?

Cam. My dear Lionel, I am filled with apprehension and perplexity. Why should my mother wish not to see you? And why-and how is it possible you can wish not to see her?

Lion. What, don't you know it all?

Cam. I only know that something is wrong; but how, what, or which way, I have not heard.

Lion. Has not Lavinia told you, then?

Lav. No; I could be in no haste to give her sa much pain.

Lion. You are a good girl enough. But how came you here, Camilla? and what is the reason you have not seen my mother yourself?

Cam.

hour.

Lion.

you?

Not seen her! I have been with her this half

What! and in all that time did she not tell

Cam. She did not name you.

Lion. Is it possible! Well, she's a noble creature, I must confess. I wonder how she could ever have such And I am still less like my father than I am like her. I believe in my conscience I was changed in the cradle. Will you own me, young ladies, if some

a son.

villanous

villanous attorney or exciseman should claim me by and by?

Cam. Dear Lionel, do explain to me what has happened. You talk so wildly, that you make me think it important and trifling twenty times in a minute.

Lim. O, a horrid business! Lavinia must tell you. I'll withdraw till she has done. Don't despise me, Camilla. I am confounded sorry, I assure you, [Going; and then immediately returning.] Come, upon the whole. I had better tell it to you myself: for she'll make such a dismal ditty of it, that it won't be over this half year. The sooner we have done with it the better. It will only put you out of spirits. You must know I was in rather a bad scrape at Oxford last year

It

Cam. Last year and you never told us of it before! Lion. O, 'twas about something you would not understand; so I shall not mention particulars now. is enough for you to know, that two or three of us wanted a little cash! Well, so- -in short, I sent a letter-somewhat of a threatening sort-to old uncle Relvil; and

Cam. O Lionel !

Lion. O, I did not sign it. It was only begging a little money, which he can afford to spare very well; and just telling him, if he did not send is to a certain place which I mentioned, he would have his brains blown out.

Cam: How horrible!

Lion. Poh, poh; he had only to send the money, you know, and then his brains might keep their place. Besides, you can't suppose there was gunpowder in the words; though, to be sure, the letter was charged with a few vollies of oaths. But, would you believe it! the poor old gull was fool enough actually to send the money where he was directed.

Lav. Hold, hold, Lionel! I cannot endure to hear you speak in such disgraceful terms of that worthy man. How could you treat that excellent uncle in

such a cruel manner! How could you find a heart to swear at so meek, so benevolent, so indulgent

Lion. My dear little chicken, don't be so precise and old maidish. Don't you know it's a relief to a man's mind to swear a few cutting oaths now and then, when he's in a passion? when all the time he would no more do harm to the people he swears at, than you would, who mince out all your words as if you were talking treason, and thought every man a spy that heard you. It is a very innocent refreshment to a man's mind, my dear. But the difficulty, is you know nothing of the world.

Cam. Fie, brother! You know how sickly our uncle has always been, and how easily he might be alarmed.

Lion. Why, yes, Camilla; I really think it was a very wicked trick; and I would give half my little finger that I had not done it. But it's over now, you know; so what signifies making the worst of it?

Cam. And did he not discover you ?

Lion. No; I give him particular orders, in my letter not to attempt any thing of that sort; assuring: him there were spies about him to watch his proceedings. ; The good old simpleton took it all for gospel. So there the matter ended. However, as ill luck would have it, about three months ago, we wanted another sum

Lav. And could you again

Lion. Why, my dear, it was only taking a little of my own fortune beforehand, for I am his heir; so we all agreed it was merely robbing myself; for we had several consultations about it; and one of us is to be a lawyer.

Cam. But you give me some pleasure here; for I had never heard that my uncle had made you his heir.

Lion. Neither had I, my deary; but I take it for granted. Besides, our little lawyer put it into my head. Well, we wrote again, and told the poor old soul, for which I assure you I am heartily penitent, that, if he did not send me double the sum, in the same manner, without delay, his house was to be set on fire, while he and all

his family were in bed and asleep. Now don't make faces nor shruggings; for I promise you I think already I deserve to be hung for giving him the fright; though I would not really have hurt the hair of his head for half his fortune. But who could have guessed that the old codger would have bitten so readily? The money, however, came; and we thought the business all secure, and agreed to get the same sum annually.

Cam. Annually! O horrible!

Lion. Yes, my darling. You have no conception how convenient it would have been for our extra expenses. But unluckily, uncle grew worse, and went abroad and then consulted with some crab of a friend, and that friend with some demagogue of a magistrate, and so all is now blown. However, we had managed it so cleverly, that it cost them nearly three months to find it out owing, I must confess, to poor uncle's cowardice, in not making his inquiries before the money was carried off, and he himself beyond the sea. The other particulars Lavinia must give you; for I have talked of it now till I have made myself quite sick: Do tell me some diverting story to drive it a little out of my head. But, by the way, pray what has carried the old folks to Cleves? Have they gone to tell this sad tale to uncle Hugh, so that I might lose him too?

Lav. No; your afflicted parents are determined not to name it. They are striving that nobody else shall know any thing of the matter, except Dr. March

mont.

Lion. Well they are good souls, it must be acknowledged. I wish I deserved them better. I wish too it was not such plaguy dull business to be good. I confess, girls, it wounds my conscience to think how I have afflicted my parents, especially my poor mother, who is not so well able to bear it. But when one is at Oxford, or in London-your merry blades there, I can't deny it, my dear sisters, your merry blades there are but sad fellows. Yet there is such fun, such spirit,

such