Percussion cap I dare not snap, Or raise my voice for Mr. Joyce, At Hawker's book I must not look, Or else" It's hard, you've no regard, The very dress I wear no less Must suit her timid mind, A blue or black must clothe my back, With swallow-tails behind; By fustian, jean, or velveteen, "Oh do not, John, put gaiters on, Even little James she snubs, and blames His Lilliputian train, Two inches each from mouth to breech, His crackers stopped, his squibbing dropped, He has no fiery fun, And all thro' her "How dare you, sir? I cannot bear a gun יי! Yet Major Flint-the Devil's in 't! May talk from morn to night, Of springing mines, and twelves and nines, And volleys left and right, Of voltigeurs and tirailleurs, And bullets by the ton: She never dies of fright, or cries "I cannot bear a gun!" 1 330 It stirs my bile to see her smile I must not name the fallen game: She's in her pout, and crying out, Yet, underneath the rose, her teeth And yet objects to none; "What have I got, it's full of shot! At pigeon-pie she is not shy, Her taste it never shocks, Though they should be from Battersea, So famous for blue rocks; Yet when I bring the very thing My marksmanship has won, I cannot bear a gun!" Like fool and dunce I got her once A box at Drury Lane, And by her side I felt a pride I ne'er shall feel again; To read the bill it made her ill, And this excuse she spun, "Der Freyschütz, oh, seven shots! you know, I cannot bear a gun!" Yet at a hint from Major Flint, And never winks, or even thinks, She thus may blind the Major's mind But let a bout at war break out, And where's the soldier's wife, Or will she cry, "My dear, good-bye, If thus she doats on army coats, The yeomanry might surely be Secure from her rebuffs; But when I don my trappings on, To follow Captain Dunn, My carbine's gleam provokes a scream, "I cannot bear a gun. It can't be minced, I'm quite convinced, All girls are full of flam, Their feelings fine, and feminine, On all their tricks I need not fix, I'll only mention one, How many a Miss will tell "I cannot bear a gun!" you this, TRIMMER'S EXERCISE, FOR THE USE OF CHILDREN. HERE, come, Master Timothy Todd, You don't know your A from your B, your Primer: So backward you are in Don't kneel-you shall go on my knee, For I'll have you to know I'm a Trimmer. This morning you hindered the cook, By melting your dumps in the skimmer; Instead of attending your book- But I'll have you to know I'm a Trimmer. To-day, too, you went to the pond, And bathed, though you are not a swimmer; And with parents so doting and fond— But I'll have you to know I'm a Trimmer. After dinner you went to the wine, And helped yourself—yes, to a brimmer; You could n't walk straight in a line, But I'll make you to know I'm a Trimmer. You kick little Tomkins about, Because he is slighter and slimmer; But I'll have you to know I'm a Trimmer. Then you have a sly pilfering trick, Your school-fellows call you the nimmerI will cut to the bone if you kick! For I'll have you to know I'm a Trimmer. To-day you made game at my back: You think that my eyes are grown dimmer, But I watched you, I've got a sly knack! And I'll have you to know I'm a Trimmer. Don't think that my temper is hot, It's never beyond a slow simmer; I'll teach you to call me Dame Trot, But I'll have you to know I'm a Trimmer. Miss Edgeworth, or Mrs. Chapone, Might melt to behold your tears glimmer; Mrs. Barbauld would let you alone, But I'll have you to know I'm a Trimmer. TO A BAD RIDER. WHY, Mr. Rider, why Your nag so ill endorse, man? To make observers cry, You're mounted, but no horseman? With elbows out so far This thought you can't debar me Though no Dragoon-Hussar- I hope to turn M.P. You have not any notion, At "seconding a motion !" |