woman, subtile of heart, whose house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death; "* the importunities and craft of the wicked of every kind, the enticements of wine and strong drink, the seductions of sloth, the value of industry and integrity, the opposite ways and end of the righteous and of the wicked, the use and abuse of the tongue, the sins of pride, avarice, fraud, and oppression, are all spread out as on a map before the young, by this author; so that, to use his own illustration, if, amid such advice and counsel, the young man is still so much without discretion as to be caught, he is as simple as the bird caught in the snare which itself has seen spread before its own eyes.† The right of parental advice is especially important in regard to two particulars on which the welfare and happiness of children very much depend; to wit, the choice of the employment they are to pursue in life, and the connexions in marriage which they are disposed to form. In both these particulars, parental advice, timely and judiciously given, may be of the greatest benefit. Where there is nothing to prevent, reasons of convenience will lead the sons to pursue the employment, which their father has pursued before them. This is the natural course and tendency of things, and it is probable that nine sons in ten engage in the employment of their father. But sometimes this is inconvenient, unsuitable, and otherwise undesirable. In giving advice, the physical endowments of the son, his natural genius and temper, his education, the circumstances of the times, the natural tendencies and probable effects of the employment or profession, and, most of all, his own inclination, should be consulted and kept fully in view. Children seldom do well in an employment into which they have been forced or over-persuaded. If their partialities are gratified in this most important of all their interests, the choice of their profession, they feel themselves to be thrown upon their own responsibility, and to be committed, in honor to their parents, to justify the choice they have made by their good conduct and success. It is all-important, that they should feel the full force of this personal responsibility; it is the chief encouragement and spring of the excellence at which every youth ought to aim. Without this self-responsible feeling, this self-reliance, this main spring of the character, as it may be called, a high standard of excellence will not often be attained. Any interference on the part of parents beyond mere suggestions, advice given in a spirit of moderation and candor, and information which, by reason of their youth and inexperience, they cannot have had the means of obtaining for themselves, impairs, if it does not destroy, this self-reliance and self-responsibility; and indifference to the attainment of excellence, discouragement, broken hopes, and ultimate failure are the too common consequences. The more delicately and judiciously, and in general the more indirectly, this right of advice is used, in influencing a son's choice of his profession, the more beneficial will be its effect. Much more, too, depends on the manner in which the advice is given, than on the advice itself. The same observations, in substance, apply to the other particular, on which the advice and counsel of parents is usually supposed to be most valuable, the marriage connexions which their children may be inclined to form. There should be the same delicacy of interference, and the same caution not to impair the self-reliance and personal responsibility, on which I have before enlarged. And it must not be forgotten, that, in this most intimate of all human relations, so much of the happiness of the parties depends on their personal preference of one another, that any but the most delicate and cautious interference must be attended with the utmost hazard of great and enduring evil. Still there may be cases, both in the choice of a profession and in the forming of marriage connexions, in which the direct and decisive interference of parents is justifiable, and may be useful. Such are extreme cases; no minuteness of remark or description can reach them, and they must be acted on according to the best judgment of the parents under the peculiar circumstances. But the duty of parents towards their children is not finished, when they have given them maintenance, education, advice in the choice of a profession, and aid in qualifying themselves for the pursuit of it. Without some outfit with which to begin, a young man will find it extremely difficult to make his way in the world. The competition of other persons just entering the same branch of business with himself, and, still more, of those well established in it, must be met; experience must be acquired, and the confidence of the public, always slowly and reluctantly given, must be secured. These remarks apply particularly to the case of sons; but I believe it may be said with great truth, that even a daughter acquires additional dignity and respect in the eyes of her husband, if she brings something to the common stock with which they are to begin the world. In discharging this duty of aiding their children, the ability of parents must be consulted, and of course, the duty itself, as in all other cases, must be limited by the ability to discharge it. When the ability is not wanting, the aim of the parents should be, to give aid enough to encourage, without relaxing, the personal exertions, or impairing the self-reliance, of their children. A strong conviction of the necessity of self-reliance and personal endeavours, combined with sufficient parental aid to stimulate and encourage, is the most desirable and promising outfit in life. It is sometimes alleged, that parental aid in the outset of life is of no advantage; and, to sustain this opinion, those instances are cited in which young men, who began life with a large outfit, have been overtaken and outstripped in their career of usefulness, honor, and success, by those who began life with no other aid than a parental blessing, a good conscience, hope in Heaven, and free opportunity on earth. Without delaying to discuss this question, it may be observed, that both these classes of persons attract our special attention. In the latter we admire the ardor, firmness, and perseverance, which have carried them through so many discouragements; but, in our admiration, we forget how many young men of the best promise, sink under the difficulties which beset their way, and, for the want of a little encouragement, come to a premature death, and bury their blasted hopes and expectations in the same grave with themselves. If some fail by setting out in life with too much aid, it is probable that a manifold greater number are ruined for want of some timely aid.* * See 2 Corinthians xii. 14. It is the duty of parents, in making arrangements for the distribution of their estates, at their death, to have special regard to the exigencies of their children's situation. If a child has been successful in business, and has amply provided for himself, or is otherwise well provided for, there is no reason why further provision should be made for him. But success does not always attend on merit; and the less successful members of a family are they, who, provided they are deserving, are fairly entitled to be provided for in the will of the parents. The claims of married daughters, in this respect, are to be placed on the same footing with those of sons; but the case of single daughters is peculiar, and deserves more than a passing notice. Especially, a daughter who is single, and who from age, personal defects, or other circumstances, may be expected to remain so, may justly claim a more than ordinary share of the anxiety and solicitude of parents. There are almost no lucrative employments in which ladies can honorably engage, and for these they may be unqualified; it must, therefore, be one of the first wishes of a good parent's heart to secure to a single daughter a comfortable and honorable independence. There may be children in a family afflicted with idiocy or alienation of mind. Of course, these must take precedence of all the other children in their claim upon the parental estate. A párent may rightfully disinherit a child in extreme cases; but for these no definite rule can be prescribed.* 2. The duty of children to honor their parents is made the subject of the fifth commandment; and from its being thus ranked with the duty of worshipping one God and him only, and with the obligation to respect the life, chastity, and property of our neighbours, we may well infer its importance. "Honor thy father and thy mother," says St. Paul, "which is the first commandment with promise." The promise, when amplified by St. Paul, is," that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest live long on the earth." The term "honor," is admirably chosen, comprising, as it does, affection, respect, obedience, and * See Brown's Philosophy of the Human Mind, Vol. III. p. 366, 367. whatever else can contribute to the comfort and gratification of parents. A long and prosperous life is promised to children. who render this honor to their parents, a reward more earnestly and universally coveted by mankind, than riches, beauty, glory, or any other object which they are accustomed to desire. And that God, in his providence, is accustomed to fulfil this promise in its literal import, has been believed by many persons who have had enlarged experience and extensive opportunities of observing human affairs.* Dr. Dwight says, "No small measure of prosperity seems ordinarily interwoven with a course of filial piety. The comfort which it insures to parents, the harmony which it produces in the family, the peace which it yields to the conscience, are all essential ingredients of happiness. To these," continues he, "it adds the approbation of every beholder, the possession of a fair and lasting reputation; the confidence and good will of every worthy man ; and of consequence, an opportunity of easily gaining those useful employments which worthy men have to give. Beyond this, it naturally associates with itself that temperance, moderation, and sobriety, which furnish a solid foundation for health and long life. On the tide of Providence, multiplied blessings are borne into its possession, at seasons when they are unexpected, in ways unforeseen, and by means unprovided by its own forecast, which are often of high importance; which altogether constitute a rich proportion of prosperity, and which usually are not found by persons of a contrary character." I may add, that the practice of the moral virtues, to which the honoring of parents naturally leads the way, contributes to health and length of life, at least as much as air, climate, local situation, and other physical circumstances on which we more habitually rely. Again, St. Paul says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord." It may be well to expand the apostolic injunctions into two or three particulars. Children are required to regard their parents with special * See Dwight's Theology, Vol. IV. p. 98. Ephesians vi. 1; Colossians iii. 20. ↑ Ibidem. |