66 66 to reprimand us; nevertheless when she saw our condition she could not refrain from upbraiding me; “O Ephraim,” said she, 'Ephraim Martask; what have you done? Your poor sister's dress is spoiled, and she perhaps has caught her death of cold, and your little brother's face is disfigured for life! I can never trust you again." I tried to prove my innocence, but "vox faucibus haesit." So I skulked off to bed, and brooded over my misfortunes, swearing to myself that no one was ever so unfortunate! So much for the fun of a Feast. EPHRAIM MARTASK. TO ELIZA. Since last we met tho' years have past, Forget those charms, by which thou hast In visions oft I seem to dwell, Where love with thee first met me, The breeze that sweeps yon dark blue deep, Once more with thee, no more to weep; Oh, no! I'll ne'er forget thee. J. W. "Cold, cold, is his sea-weed bed, "His dark hair floats on the wave; "On the rock is laid his chill head, "And the sea-bird screams o'er his grave. V. "But William I'll come to thee, love, "For parted we never can be ; "My lasting affection I'll prove, "And I'll live, and I'll die, with thee!" VI. She started at once on her feet, She shrieked in wild agony ; And then at one bound she dash'd from the ground, ON SCHOLASTIC CASTIGATION. E. Some have been beaten till they know, Hudibras. It is not my intention to discuss the beneficial effects that may result to the mind from the battering of the body, nor to what extent the intellect may be expanded and the imagination brightened by the fracturing of the head and the discolouring of the back, I merely wish to give my reader some idea of the good old method, by which, from time immemorial, the youth of our island have had the germs of science forced, I may say, by manual labour into their stubborn crania. I have no doubt, if phrenologists were to direct their attention seriously to the subject, they would find the bumps of "studytiveness" so closely connected with those tender parts of the body on which the birch and ferule are generally applied, that on the principle of counter-irritation, those diseases of the protuberances of the brain which are a hindrance to mental exertion, are frequently removed, or at least relieved, by the application of the abovementioned irritating instruments to those seats of acute sensibility. My reader will well know that every school,-whether classical or commercial, sunday or day school, blue coat or Lancasterian,— is governed by a code of laws, prescribed by the supreme ruler or head master of that seminary; this master is generally invested with despotic authority; in his hands are lodged the legislative, judicial, and executive powers; from his decision there is no appeal, his sentence is final and irrevocable. As legislators have for the most part made the sanction of their laws rather vindicatory than remuneratory, so has the schoolmaster made the sanction of his to consist more in punishments than rewards: for the entire profits of his school would hardly furnish prizes for half his disciples, whereas, a few pence judi ciously expended at the cane merchants, procure him an instrument wherewith to punish their transgressions; and also, because the dread of evil is a much more forcible principle of human action than the prospect of good. The chastisements inflicted on the violators of the Leges Academice are of three sorts-feruling, caning, and birching: the apparatus employed in their infliction are, a ferule, a cane, and a birch, of these the ferule appears to be chiefly renowned for both its antiquity and its universality, and derives its name from the Latin word ferula, signifying giant feurrel; with the stems of which our fathers in days of yore, received the recompence due to their misdeeds. A somewhat more substantial instrument is now used; a round piece of wood about two feet long and half an inch thick. It is most commonly administered in doses of eight or ten strokes to the ends of the digits of those unlucky wights who come under the lash of the law; it causes a twinging of the finger ends, and a somewhat unpleasant sensation proceeding from it pervades the whole hand and arm. I know of no remedy for its smart except the immediate pressure of the parts affected on a cold slate; and even this is frequently unavailing. The cane is the connecting link between the ferule and the birch, a sort of go-between, more painful than the one and less to be dreaded than the other. It is of comparatively modern invention, and, like the steam-engine, has not reached the summit of perfection. The back and shoulders are the places to which it is most frequently applied, it produces an acute pain in those regions, and frequently streaks the back with azure stripes. A pasteboard, fitted in between the coat and the waistcoat has been found very efficacious in breaking the brunt of its descending blows, and in some measure defending the back from its too powerful effects. I now come to consider that most dreadful, most appalling of all instruments of punishment -the birch!!! I feel a sort of superstitious awe in mentioning thy name, thou last and dire avenger of the broken laws of an offended master! thou tree of mighty power, whose twigs when bound together, form the most terrific object that can be presented to the optics of him "with shining face and satchel on his back!" what weeping and wailing hast thou caused in this sublunary sphere! unhappy he who hath felt thy avenging arm! departing from thy shrine, he walketh to and fro like one possessed; no repose for his excoriated frame ! "He Abhorreth bench and stoul and fourm and chair." O that thy race were withered from the face of the earth! would that this clump which now cheers me with its blaze were the last remnant of thy bloodthirsty family! the curses of a tyrannized world light on thy blasted head, may thy very name be forgotten, and thy terrors no more dispirit the grow ing hopes of this island. To these methods of teaching "the young idea how to shoot," might be added many other minor expedients which are sometimes used when the malefactor is guilty of smaller crimes, but as these are, owing to the march of intellect, nearly exploded, it would be a waste of time to enlarge on their several species. I would not have my reader to suppose from what he has read in the foregoing brief description of the pains and penalties to which school boys are liable, that I am at all unfriendly to the present method of employing physical stimuli in taming obstreperous youth. I am far from wishing to see the school master bereft of his wand, or the disciple of the flagellation to which his indolence and disobedience have subjected him. Infected with the spirit of modern innovation, as well as having the good of the West India trade at heart, I certainly should prefer seeing the spruce bamboo supplant the benumbing ferule and the twigging birch, and reign the sole and the triumphant dispenser of academical chastisement. Oh, ye who rule the generous youth of nations, It mends their manners,-never mind the pain. Byron. LETTER FROM RALPH SPINDLE, ESQ. TO HIS FRIEND BEN SCRIBBLE. CONTAINING AN ARTICLE, &c. MY DEAR BEN.-I had just bid farewell to my second cigar, and was cogitating on the propriety of a speedy retreat to bed, when I was roused by a no gentle application to the rapper of my front door, (a very unusual circumstance at that time of night,) and presently was announced the redoubtable Miss Leodia, who made her appearance in a blue silk petticoat with trimmings, in company with your very acceptable epistle. I could not be so exceedingly unpolite as to desert my company on their very first introduction, and therefore lighting a third cigar and stirring the fire, I sat down again and commenced the perusal, first of your worship's letter, and secondly of "The Leodiensian." |