on some princess of the west, where the daughters of nobles had contended for thy hand? Oh would that thou hadst never heard of me! Would that thou hadst rather perished by the side of thy brave brothers, pierced by the javelin of some heroic duke upon a wellfought battle field of Tartary or Egypt! And for me, alas! it were better far to be along with thee in the rushing waters, than here to be left a lonely damsel among hard-hearted men, who will scoff at thy romantical heroism rather than honour thy self-sacrificing devotedness!"

At the thought whereof, she conceived so great an agony, that her grief could not longer be contained, but burst forth in that sort of long crowing and laughter unnatural, which the doctors do call "an hysteriæ;" and thus was that pitiable young gentlewoman afflicted with the double grief of unconquerable lamentation and fear, lest any of the household might overhear the same, and learn its doleful cause. Alas! her fears did prophesy the truth; for soon starting from the side of her worshipful husband, that discreet gentlewoman, the lady of the Mayor, arose, and taking up her light, came quickly to the chamber of her daughter, whom in such sort as hath been rehearsed she there discovered. Clapping her hands together for affright, she dropped the lamp which she had brought with her; and being thus left in darkness, could do nought for the recovery of her child, save only utter such screams of discreet potency, as thortly summoned from all parts of the household servants and attendants, with lights and torches in number so many, that they had it reported for certain the next day that the Mayor's house was that night illuminated. Be sure (courteous reader) that in the midst of such light and bustle, the trunk hose which lay across the foot of the coach, did not long escape the greedy eyes of the domestics; for Marian, the dairy wench, who had snatched a long wick from the kitchen lamp as she was passing, no sooner beheld them, they say, than snatching them up, she displayed them on high, passing the light to and fro, (lamentably greasing the new plush thereby) the better to exhibit their shape and aspect to that virtuous and discreet gentlewoman, her mistress. She at a glance, aware of the nature of

the objects, letting her daughter's head, which she had hitherto supported, fall from her hands to the ground, seized hold of them upon the instant, one in either hand, and rushed into the chamber of the worshipful the Mayor, her husband.

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Oh heavens, husband," quoth she, "here is my house dishonoured! here hath thy vile daughter admitted some man into her chamber!" "How say you," cried the Mayor, "fetch hither my long sword," and starting from bed, he laid hold of his weapon; but being heavy with wine, stood a good space with the scabbard between his knees, essaying to draw the blade that was now somewhat rusted, while that discreet gentlewoman, his lady, stood beside, and ceased not saying that this was no fault of hers, (she could tell him) that it all came of his own vain indulgency of books of romance to his daughter, and that she would turn the hussey(shewould warrant him)forth upon the highway, that had brought dishonour on her mother's daughter. Now, the Mayor being a man of good blood and lineage, was moved to extreme rage; and when he had at last got out his sword, stepped forth upon the lobby, and calling before him his steward, Turlogh O'Bryan, flung the trunk hose at his head, and commanded him to bring the owner thereof before him within ten minutes, (he knew them to be of his own livery by the yellow binding) else would he lop off his head, like a rebellious dog's, as it was, (for Turlogh was a confirmed papist), and with that made the bright blade fly around him, till all who saw were terrified.

Now, then, while fair Mistress Ellen lieth speechless on her couch, with hot questions and shrewd guesses busy around her; and while that virtuous gentlewoman, her mother, sitteth by her own bed-side in her smock, ceaselessly lamenting the misfortune of her house; and while bold Pierce, the cause of all the turmoil, is shivering in his shirt behind a ditch over against the Castle gate, which he durst not enter; behold, the worshipful the Mayor with his long sword in his hand, hath gone into the great hall, and there standing on the lowest step of the stair, foaming at the mouth, and swearing horribly, awaiteth the destroyer of his daughter's peace.

And here, at length, entereth Turlogh O'Bryan, two able-bodied serving men aiding him to thrust in, half-naked, and in the extremity of terror, the whilom owner of the hose, the porter, Humphry Drake, whom, sleeping between his wife and two children, they have cruelly dragged from his bed. And now having hauled him into the middle of the floor, they fall back at either side, lest the sweeping sword should confound the miscreant with the guilty, and Humphry, unsup ported, falls pale and trembling on his knees.

Now, it must be known that, besides being an old man and a cripple, this Drake was sorely disfigured with a running in his cheek; then, how so lovely a lady as his youthful daughter could but cast her eyes on such an object, not to speak of admitting him to her chamber, strikes her worshipful father with a certain divine astonishment, and he casteth the great sword from his hand upon the pavement with such a clang, that Humphry falleth flat, thinking himself run through the body. And before the echoes thereof had well died away among the long lobbies and stone passages of the Castle, behold that virtuous and much distressed gentlewoman, the worthy lady of the Mayor, rusheth in, in one hand displaying abroad the laced blue coat of Master Sendale, while in the other she grasped the crumpled waistcoat of the Squire. "Oh heavens, husband," quoth she, "here hath thy vile daughter admitted men into her chamber by twos and threes! Behold here the coat of that young profligate Marmaduke, which I have even now plucked forth from underneath her pillow, and see; it is my firm belief, if I were to die this minute, that this is the waistcoat your friend, the Squire, was wont to wear at the Castle balls. I always thought it. I have told you again and again, but you would take no heed of my advice. Vile villains! profligate knaves! if there be law in the country, I will have them hanged by the necks! if there be law in the country, I say, since none of the old honourable spirit need be looked for from thee; for thou, thou poor dullard, art unworthy to wear a sword by thy side, that standest still in the time of need, and avengest not the wrongs of thy wedded wife! Give me the sword if thou art afraid there

of!" And so saying, with angry and scornful carriage she pusheth by her husband, who all the while was standing very fixedly contemplating the ground, and snatching up the sharp weapon, offers it, not as all expect at Humphry (who, dreading a second passado, hath retreated into a far corner of the hall) but perversely, and with pernicious shrewdness, at her own breast. Her worshipful husband nevertheless, taking no note thereof, she layeth down the sword again in much great indignation, and betaketh herself once more to the chamber of fair Mistress Ellen.

But who cometh in now, wrapped in a blanket and girt about the middle with a rope of straw, his hands bound behind his back, his knees knocking one against the other, and cold sweat dropping from his nose and eyebrows? "Please your honorable worship," quoth Turlogh, "this is Bodkin the taylor, whom we have caught in his shirt behind the ditch over against the Castle gate. We have wrapped him in a blanket, so please your Worship, that my lady might not be scandalized, for his shirt is none of the best." For all this the Mayor returneth not one word, but gazeth at them all like a man in a dream. Then Humphry seeing that the Mayor did not speak, limps forth from his corner, and shaking his fist in Pierce's nose, "villain," quoth he, "what hast thou done with my trunkhose of murrey coloured plush." "Friend Drake," quoth Pierce very softly, "I know not of thy hose except that they are with Master Sendale's coat, and the Squire's vest of green figured silk; upon my lapboard, as I suppose, where else would they be, I pray you; I have but stepped forth my masters to taste cool air, which is a custom I learned when in the hot countries beyond sea, and know not why you should do me this violence."

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Why, thou_villain," cries Humphry, "dost thou deny that thou hast been in thy young mistresses chamber, for suspicion whereof I have well nigh been put to the death?" "My young mistress's chamber!" quoth Pierce, "I know not even in what part of this Castle my young mistresses chamber is.

Oh thou liar!" crieth Humphry, what sayest thou to this?" with that he catches up the trunk hose and holds them close to Pierce's face, "seest

thou these, thou knave, that none but thou hast had possession of for these three days past; here have they been found but now in my young lady's bed! how dost thou account for that? answer me, thou rogue, how dost thou account for that? and, villain, I say, how came they by all those spots of grease?"

Now, before Pierce could bethink himself of any lie monstrous enough for such a necessity; behold, that virtuous gentlewoman the lady of the Mayor cometh once more towards the hall, crying, "Oh heavens, husband, our daughter doth nothing but talk of a gentleman of good estate, who, being disguised for love of her, hath cast himself into the Goodburn, and is drowned, but his name she willeth not to make known." Madam, madam," crieth Marian the dairy-wench, running after, "young Mistress Ellen sayeth he is a gentleman of Galway, the youngest son of seven, six of whom were slain in the wars of Tartary, that his uncle hath unjustly seized his inheritance and that his name is Bodkin -I pray God it be not the taylor!" With that Pierce fairly at his wit's end casteth himself upon his knees before the Mayor, and confesseth how the devil had tempted him to dress himself in fine clothes and play the gentleman; how he had deceived Mistress Ellen by telling her he was one of the Bodkins of Galway; how, for the pleasure of her company, he had agreed to leap the river into her garden, and how he was unable to perform the same by reason of the tightness of Humphry Drake's trunk-hose, praying humbly withal for forgiveness, and protesting that, by virtue of his baptism, there was not a more modest or virtuous young lady than Mistress Ellen in all the realm of Ireland.

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Now was our taylor sorely beset on all sides, "rogue," stitch-louse," and "ninth part of a man," were the civillest words in their mouths; and Marian laying hold of the laced coat by the sleeves, and beginning to lay its skirts about his head, was followed by Turlogh O'Bryan who took the Squire's vest in hand and they again by old Humphrey himself, who swinging the hose around his head and bringing them down on Pierce's back and 'shoulders made him jump so cleverly, that, bounden as he was, had he been led to the river's brink, it is thought he would have leaped it at the first start. Thus did they beat him round the hall, tumbling and flouncing through such a storm of cloth as hath hardly been seen on a washerwoman's lines of a blowing day. At last when all were out of breath, the Mayor (no longer in fear for the honour of his Lady's house) ordered that they should thrust him forth upon the highway, and having locked the gates should retire to their several beds. Accordingly with kicks and cuffs innumerable they tumbled him out of the hall, through the courtyard, and into the ditch over against the castle gate wherein he had been found. Then pitching out from the garret window his store of needles, shears and clippings, with his lap-board and the great goose, (which had narrowly missed beating out his brains,) they locked and bolted their doors and retiring to their places of rest, left our knight of the needle to go his way at his leisure; which he shortly did, some kind traveller having cut his cords, and took his journey towards Bellfarst, where he afterwards throve exceedingly (having left off his vain follies,) as a master taylor in the Crown Entry.

As we happen to be in a candid humour, we may as well confess that on some subjects we are a little prejudiced, and liable to express ourselves warmly, In a matter of Algebra, or Political Economy, for example, our temper might get the advantage of us, and we might, peradventure, express ourselves with some heat, which the censorious would, perhaps, call violence. To make amends for this, however, we flatter ourselves that in questions of party politics, concerning the merits of Whigs and Tories, Radicals and Absolutists, we are the most remarkable example of moderation and impartiality, now extant among public writers. In examining the merits of political men, and political measures, we are as cool as a cucumber, and as mild as milk. Having premised thus much, we trust we shall be understood as uttering a calm, cautious, and well-considered opinion, when we declare that the present ministers who conduct the government of these kingdoms, are the most outrageously impudent set of quacks, that ever relied upon public credulity, and in that reliance succeeded in most extensively cheating the unwary. The most unblushing impostor that ever put off two pence worth of trash, by means of lying puffs, and advertisements, as ten shillings worth of the "cordial balm" of this, that, or the other, was but a faint type of these monstrous and utterly worthless puffers of themselves. After a session of Parliament which, by all but universal consent, is held to be the most disgraceful on record-after a Parliamentary campaign, which for shufflings, contradictions, violations of express pledges and established principles, barrenness of talent, and blackguard behaviour, has exceeded all that could have been imagined by the bitterest cynic in existence-after a session in which months were spent in tedious, profitless, and disgusting babble, and a few weeks in huddling up the public business without any discussion at all; his Majesty's ministers wind up the affair with a speech from the throne, VOL. II.

in which they go over seriatim, the stupidities and wrongs of which they had been guilty, and accompany each notice with a modicum of praise, which would have been fulsome had it come from others, but coming from themselves, is at once impudent and ludicrous. Nor were they content with this. Considering themselves mighty clever at a pamphlet, and confident in their powers of persuasion, they have prepared nine dozen of pages of selfcommendation, which is to the king's speech, what a big soap bubble is, to the bit of nasty, slippery stuff before it is blown into the bubble form. title of this pamphlet is the same that we have done its authors the honor to prefix to this article. It was our first intention to have given a review of it, but on looking it over for that purpose, we found that the only way we could deal fairly and decisively with it would be to quote paragraph after paragraph with the brief criticism upon each"this is a lie." Now this might have seemed harsh, and since, to use the elegant language of the poet

"Politeness an Irishman's trade is,"

The

we thought it better to avoid a course of remark so foreign to our usual habits, and the urbanity of our natural disposition. We propose, therefore, to touch with brevity upon some of the subjects which ministers pride themselves upon having mastered in Parlia ment; without taking the trouble of following the muddy course of their stupid eulogies of themselves, and when we have occasion to allude to their pamphlet, we shall take the liberty of indulging in a polite fiction, and call it the modest manifesto.

To classify all the balderdash which occupied the talking powers of ministers and members of Parliament during the long session now happily at an end, would be impossible, and not worth while, though it were easy. The matters of business meddled with, are thus classified by the modest manifesto—Ireland, Slavery, Finance, Bank Charter,

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East India Charter, Trade, Law, Corporations, Scotland, Poor Laws, and Foreign Policy.

And first, of Ireland, with which the Reform Ministry and the Reformed Parliament made so brave and appropriate a beginning. After two years of the most abominable misrule, in which violence and atrocity were all but openly patronized, in which the law was left totally without support by the executive, and those who endea voured to enforce the law, persecuted by the government for their pains, the Whigs found they had brought affairs to such a pass that they might venture to ask the Houses of Parliament for the absolute power and authority which it is the particular delight of all liberals to possess. The Whig leader of the House of Commons, whose perceptions are so dull that he is not himself conscious of the enormous effrontery of what he is continually saying and doing, had the modesty to give the following catalogue of the results of the policy of the government to which he belonged. In one year, says he, (the second year of the Whig government,) the following crimes have been perpetrated in Leinster :-Murders and attempts to murder, 163; robberies, 387; burglaries, 182; burnings, 194; houghing cattle, 70; other wilful and malicious injuries to property, 407; serious assaults, 744; illegal notices, 913. This edifying epitome of his own and his colleagues skill in governing Ireland, Lord Althorp had the modesty to read to the House, when asking for new powers of the most astounding description, and with similar modesty, the ministerial pamphleteer brings it forward in laying the groundwork for a dose of flattery to the present, by calumniating the late government. After having brought Ireland to this frightful state, these modest ministers, who, when in opposition, were always railing against what they called the severity of the Tory government of Ireland, demanded and obtained from Parliament, an enactment an hundred times more severe than the Tories had ever dreamed of an enactment which gave to the government power to suspend all the most important liberties of British subjects in Ireland, wherever it thought

fit so to do. This the ministry had the modesty to ask from Parliament, and have now the modesty to boast of, as a most creditable achievement. They boast, too, of its admirable effects, of the terror which it inspired, and the tranquillity it produced. This is more modesty. It never strikes them, that the summer nights are not so convenient for the pastimes enumerated by Lord Althorp, as those of winter, nor that the Church being sacrificed in part, the boys are for the present satisfied; but winter is coming again, and the Established Church has still something to be robbed of, by the combined efforts of Whiteboy ruffianism, and a Whig government. We shall see whether the Marquis of Wellesley will venture to put the coercion act in force -we think that he dare not, whatever be the provocation-but time will tell.

After this followed the Church Robbery Bill, "by the courtesy of the House," termed the Church Reform Bill. The provisions of this bill having been so recently and so ably discussed in a periodical well known to most of our readers,* it would be useless to enter into any detail. Bills have also been passed with respect to Irish juries which meet the unanimous disapprobation of the judges of the land, whose integrity, learning, and experience, all must respect. Two commissions have been issued; one for inquiring into the state of Irish corporations, the other for inquiring into the state of the labouring classes. Mr. Roman Catholic Sergeant Perrin, is at the head of the former-a particularly appropriate judge of corporations, established for the support of the Protestant or English interest in Popish Ireland-the particularly liberal and logical Archbishop of Dublin, and (as the modest ministerial manifesto hath it,) the "Catholic Primate," are members of the latter. No doubt the gentry of Ireland must have great confidence in such commissioners! The boast as respects the legislation for Ireland is wound up by an allusion to the bill which insults and aggrieves the Irish clergy, while it supplies a partial remedy for the robbery inflicted upon them by the sacrifice of their lawful property, to the violence of the rabble