. divine, were I thus to indulge, what would become of the poor of my flock, who have not wherewith to purchase the necessaries of life? My poor £500 a year would buy but few pictures, but may, with management, help many of my necessitous brethren: dare I say to such, “Be ye warmed, and clothed," and not give them wherewith to be so? I find, my friend, if we would act out our high and holy calling, many of even our lawful inclinations must be sacrificed-not but that the sacrifice has a reward, often a present reward, in one's own mental peace and inward approval." Everything connected with Mr. M. is in perfect keeping with these sentiments. His wife seems animated by the same spirit: not that I know much of her-for I shun the society of all women-they too keenly bring to remembrance my own suffering and sorrows. But, as far as I can understand, they both find their own happiness, in promoting that of others. It is, perhaps, needless to remark, that this sublime kind of benevolence can only spring from its true source-deep, vital piety, kept in vigorous exercise, by constant communion with the Source of all virtue and of all good. For, can such results be obtained from any inferior motives, from any inferior influence? The innate, clinging selfishness of our nature, can it be loosened or eradicated by other, or less elevated considerations? In vain do we expect men to "love as brethren❞—to be "pitiful" to be "courteous"-to "look every one, not on his own, but on the things of others" to "rejoice with those who do rejoice, and to weep with those who weep"-unless they are actuated, in a degree, by that Spirit from whom emanated these wise, these benevolent precepts. I revert to my own sad history in confirmation of this truth-for, as long as I lived under the influence, in my earlier and happy days, of christian principles, I felt I was not my own-that it was a high privilege, no less than a sacred duty, to labour to promote the good of others—not always by preaching or exhortation, or any direct appeal to their consciences-but by making them feel I sympathized with them as fellow-men, and fellow-sufferers; and, as participating in our common lapsed humanity, striving to induce them to become candidates for higher hopes and a better happiness, and a more elevated mode of being, than they had yet entered on; and thus to obtain the highest state of perfectibility, of which our fallen nature is capable. : True, my own subsequent history, it may be thought, was a refutation of this sublime theory— but it is not so; for as long as those holy motives actuated me, so long did their legitimate effects follow when the fountain was forsaken, little wonder that the streams dried up, and disappeared. Does the objection still force itself— Why, if there were such an amount of real palpable good in the ways of religion, why should I have forsaken them for an inferior happiness? I reply— The frailty of my nature was overcome by the present, the visible, the tangible:-faith was lost and swallowed up by sight-the earthy prevailed over the spiritual principle. But do I attribute this evil consequence to necessity? to the irresistible decree of destiny? or, in other words, to the will of God?—I shudder at the impiety of such a conclusion. I believe that I might have "fought the good fight”—that I might have withstood in the evil day-I know I had often great strugglings with my conscience before I could take many of the steps that gradually led into the paths of acknowledged sin. This was particularly the case as it related to my second ill-starred marriage; every preliminary stage of that proceeding was accompanied by severe mental conflict: passion and conscience then came in fearful collision! It is known how the former triumphed, and how deep and deadly have been the results that followed that triumph. * My self-imposed task is nearly ended-the act of unburdening my conscience is performed-the imperfect sketch of my chequered life is almost brought to a close. The recording on paper my sad story has furnished me for some time past with employment, which, though often of a painful and humiliating nature, has not been altogether unsalutary. Besides the unburdening my mind, I have by this means endeavoured to warn others of the shoals on which the bark of my happiness foundered. I have endeavoured, too, to press on their attention the intimate connexion ever maintained between happiness and goodness; and that in attending to the dictates of an enlightened coN 310 THE VOICE OF CONSCIENCE. SCIENCE, is present and future peace alone to be found. These, it may be thought, are trite truths, but experience tests their importance, and confirms their value. Life's feeble sands are now running low-its weak tide is ebbing-the golden bowl is breaking -the silver cord is loosening-I feel my days are numbered-Life's feverish dream will soon be over, and I shall awaken to the realities of eternity! So let it be, for 66 My trust is in the Cross-there lies my rest, FINI S. London Fisher, Son, & Co. Printers. |