Only something that was very like it; just so, Only something like brain is the brain of a beau. The pineal gland, where the soul's residence is, Smelt desperate strong of perfumes, and essences, With a bright horny substance encompast around, That in numberless forms, like a diamond, was ground; In so much that the soul, if there was any there, Must have kept pretty constant within its own sphere; [traces, Having bus'ness enough, without seeking new To employ all its time with its own pretty faces. In the hind part o' th' head there was Brussels, and Mechlin, [ling; Seem'd so little us'd, that the beau, I dare say, Was like other heads, neither lesser nor bigger; Had talents in's way; for sometimes at a ball Some ladies, they say, took the beau for a wit, But in his head, truly, there lay-deuce a bit: And ribands, and fringes, and such kind of tack-He was cut off, alas! in the flow'r of his age, Billet-doux, and soft rhymes lin'd the whole cerebellum; [vellum. Op'ra songs and prickt dances, as 't were upon A brown kind of lump, that we ventur'd to squeeze, Disperst in plain Spanish, and made us all sneeze. In short, many more of the like kind of fancies, Too tedious to tell, fill'd up other vacancies. On the sides of this head were in several purses, On the right, sighs and vows; on the left, oaths and curses: These each sent a duct to the root of the tongue, A pretty large vessel did plainly appear [ear; Entirely free from it, not one head in twenty, Mighty hard, thick, and tough was the skin of bis front, And, what is more strange, not a blood vessel on't; From whence we concluded, the party deceast Was never much troubled with blushing at least: The os cribriforme, as full as could stuff, [snuff: Was cramm'd, and in some places damag'd, with For beaus with this ballast keep stuffing their crib, To preserve their light heads in a true equilib. That muscle, we found, was exceedingly plain, That helps a man's nose to express his disdain, If you chance to displease him, or make a demand, Which is oft the beau's case, that he don't understand. [cle, The reader well knows, 't is about this same musThat the old Latin poets all make such a bustle, When they paint a man giving his noddle a toss, And cocking his nose, like a rhinoceros. Looking into the eye, where the musculi lay, Which are call'd amatorii, that is to say, Those muscles, in English, wherewith a man ogles, When on a fair lady he fixes his goggles, We found 'em much worn; but that call'd th' elevator, [Nature, Which lifts the eyes up tow'rds the summit of By an eminent cit, that was put in a rage: Having finish'd our work, we began to replace WHY, prithee now, what does it signify For to bustle, and make such a rout? It is virtue alone that can dignify, Whether clothed in ermin, or clout, Come, come, and maintain thy discretion; Let it act a more generous part; For I find, by thy honest confession, That the world has too much of thy heart. Beware, that its fatal ascendency Do not tempt thee to moap and repine; With an humble, and hopeful dependency Still await the good pleasure divine. Success in a higher beatitude Is the end of what's under the pole; A philosopher takes it with gratitude, And believes it is best on the whole. The world is a scene, thou art sensible, Upon which, if we do but our best, On a wisdom, that's incomprehensible, We may safely rely for the rest: Then trust to its kind distribution, And however things happen to fall, Prithee, pluck up a good resolution To be cheerful, and thankful in all. EXTEMPORE VERSES, LONG was the great Figg, by the prize fighting Sole monarch acknowledg'd of Marybone plains; Where liv'd Mr. Sutton, pipe-maker by trade, Resolv'd to put in for a share of his fame, With alternate advantage two trials had past, last. To see such a contest, the house was so full, 'Till wearied at last with inferior disasters, All the company cry'd, “ Come, the masters, the masters." Whereupon the bold Sutton first mounted the Their arms were encircled by armigers two, [bilbo. Shook hands, and went to't, and the word it was With danger so little, with honour so much!- it: Then after that bout they went on to another, Sure such a concern, in the eyes of spectators, Was never yet seen in our amphitheatres : Our commons, and peers, from their several places, To half an inch distance all pointed their faces; While the rays of old Phoebus, that shot thro' the sky-light, [light; Seem'd to make on the stage a new kind of twi-'T And the gods, without doubt, if one could but have seen 'em, ['em. Were peeping there thro' to do justice between Figg struck the first stroke, and with such a Figg arm'd him again, and they took t'other tilt, Such a force in their blows, you'd have thought VOL. XV. was his fate, not his fault, that constrain'd him And thus the great Figg became lord of the field. Now, after such men, who can bear to be told Or Achilles, tho' old mother Thetis had dipt him, To Cæsar, and Pompey, for want of things juster, [pass muster: We compare these brave boys, but 't will never Did those mighty fellows e'er fight hand to fist once? No, I thank you; they kept at a laudable distance. What is Pompey the Great, with his armour be girt, [shirt? To the much greater Sutton, who fought in his Or is Figg to be par'd with a cap-a-pee Roman, Who scorn'd any fence but a jolly abdomen? VERSES SPOKEN AT THE BREAKING UP OF THE A TALE. TALE-that will raise the question, I suppose, And happen'd, as they say, some time ago. People, full oft, are put into a pother, The springs of ill, from bick'ring, up to battle, To note, how meanings, that were never meant, [three" But, by the by, 't was two black crows, not It was not two black crows, 't was only one, Away goes he, and having found him out, And beg'd to know, if true what he had heard; Did you, sir, throw up a black crow?"-"Not "Bless me! how people propagate a lic! Black crows have been thrown up, three, two, and one; And here, I find, all comes, at last, to none! "Why I was horrid sick, and, at the last, I did throw up, and told my neighbour so, VERSES SPOKEN ON THE SAME OCCASION WITH THE "Tis not to tell what various mischief springs Defect which, if occasion offers, makes Tho' strangers to each other, they agreed; "Sir"—and so forth. "Why yes; the thing is To seek this secondary problem out, Tho' in regard to number not exact; "I am," declar'd the bolder of the two, 1 Alluding to some local matters then in agi-I am a Lutheran; and live, or die, Shall not be any thing beside, not I."- Thus fray began; which critics may suppose, [yes." "Yes The prose account in Dr. More, I think, Relates the story of two clowns in drink; The verse has cloth'd it in a different strain; But, either way, the gentle hint is plain, That tis a foolish bus'ness to commence Dispute on words without regard to sense. Such was the case of these two partizans. There is another of a single man's Still more absurd, if possible, than this, Must I go on, and tell it you? (Chorus) A certain artist, I forget his name, Had got for making spectacles a fame, Or helps to read-as, when they first were sold, Was writ, upon his glaring sign, in gold; And, for all uses to be had from glass, His were allow'd, by readers, to surpass: There came a man, into his shop, one day, "Are you the spectacle contriver, pray?" "Yes, sir," said he, "I can, in that affair, Contrive to please you, if you want a pair.""Can you? pray do then."-So, at first, he chose To place a youngish pair upon his nose; And book produc'd, to see how they would fit, Ask'd how he lik'd 'em-"Like 'em?"Then sir, I fancy, if you please to try, [bit."These in my hand will better suit your eye.""No, but they don't."-" Well, come, sir, if you Here is another sort, we'll e'en try these; [please, Still somewhat more they magnify the letter; Now sir?""Why now- -I'm not a bit the better." not a "No! Here take these that magnify still more; How do they fit?"-" Like all the rest before." In short, they tried a whole assortment thro', But all in vain, for none of 'em would do: The operator, much surpris'd to find So odd a case, thought, sure the man is blind; "What sort of eyes can you have got?" said he. Why, very good ones, friend, as you may see." "Yes, I perceive the clearness of the ball. Pray, let me ask you-can you read at all?” "No, you great blockhead! if I could, what need Of paying you for any helps to read?" And so he left the maker in a heat, Resolv'd to post him for an arrant cheat. Thus to hint that a kingdom will flourish the most, [post; Where the men in high station are fit for their And disgraces attend, both on person and station, If regard be not had to due qualification; He invented, they tell us, this fable of old, Which the place I am in now requires to be told." The beasts, on a time, when the lion was dead, Met together in council to choose them a head; And, to give to their new constitution a shape Most like to the human, they fix'd on the Ape; They crown'd, and proclaim'd him by parliament And never was monkey so like to a man. [plan, The Fox, being fam'd for his cunning and wit, Was propos'd to their choice, but they did not think fit To eleet such a sharper, lest, watching his hour, He should cunningly creep into absolute pow'r; No fear of king Ape, or of being so rid; He would mind his diversion, and do as they did. Sly Reynard, on this, was resolv'd to expose Poor Pug, whom the senate so formally chose; And having observ'd, in his rambles, a gin, Where a delicate morsel was nicely hung in, He let the king know what a prize he had found, And the waste, where it lay, was his majesty's ground. "Show me where," said the Ape; so the treasure was shown, [own; Which he seiz'd with paw royal, to make it his But the gin, at same time, was dispos'd to resist, And clapping together caught Pug by the wrist; Who perceiv'd, by his fingers laid fast in the stocks, [Fox. What a trick had been play'd by his subject the "Thou traitor!" said he-" but I'll make thee anon, An example of vengeance"-and so he went on, With a rage most monarchical.-Reynard, who ey'd [ply'd, The success of his scheme, gave a sigh, and re"Well! adieu royal sir! 'twas a cruel mishap, That your majesty's grace did not understand trap!" DULCES ANTE OMNIA MUSE. SPOKEN ON THE SAME OCCASION. Of all companions, that a man can choose, Her's the judicious, and the friendly part, Her lines, whatever the occasion be, Flow without forcing, natural and free: No stiff'ning of 'em with poetic starch, She decks, when call'd, when honour'd to attend A foe, but void of any rancour, foe Life, as Mel. thinks, a short, uncertain lease, With nymphs and swains fond Mel. would strow She scorns alike, ignobly to rehearse No sour, pedantical, abusive rage, She looks on various empires, various men, It would rejoice her votaries to see All Europe, Asia, Africa agree; "But the new world, new England's dire alarms! Should not Melpomene now sing to arms?"No, she must ever wish all war to cease, While folks are fighting, she must hold her peace. Content to hope that, what events are due Safe from all foreign and domestic foes At home, your lives, your acres, and your bags; And plots against ye vanish all to rags. But much of safety, let concluding line Observe, depends upon yourselves—in fine, Home or abroad, the world is but a school, Where all things roll to teach one central rule, That is, if you would prosper, and do well, Love one another, and remember Mel. THE COUNTRY FELLOWS AND THE ASS. A FABLE. SPOKEN ON THE SAME OCCASION. A COUNTRY fellow and his son, they tell In modern fables, had an ass to sell: [ass! As they were jogging on, a rural class Was heard to say: "Look! look there, at that And those two blockheads trudging on each side, That have not, either of 'em, sense to ride; Asses all three!"--And thus the country folks On man and boy began to cut their jokes. Th' old fellow minded nothing that they said, But ev'ry word stuck in the young one's head; And thus began their comment there upon: "Ne'er heed 'em, lad."—" Nay, faither, do get on." "Not I indeed."-" Why then let me, I pray.” "Well do; and see what prating tongues will say." The boy was mounted; and they had not got Much farther on, before another knot, Just as the ass was pacing by, pad pad, Cried, "O! that lazy looby of a lad! How unconcernedly the gaping brute Lets the poor aged fellow walk a foot." Down came the son, on hearing this account, And begg'd and pray'd, and made his father mount: Till a third party, on a farther stretch, "See! see!" exclaim'd, "that old hard hearted wretch!. How like a justice there he sits, or squire; While the poor lad keeps wading thro' the mire." 66 "Stop," cried the lad, still deeper vex'd in mind, Stop father; stop; let me get on behind." Thus done, they thought they certainly should please, Escape reproaches, and be both at ease; Still disappointed, by succeeding tone, On this, they both dismounted; and some say, Contriv'd to carry, like a truss of hay, The ass between 'em; prints, they add, are seen With man and lad, and slinging ass between: Others omit that fancy in the print, As overstraining an ingenious hint. |