my son is lineally descended, boasts to have performed this warlike Dance in the presence of the Emperor, to the great admiration of all Germany. What would he say, could he look down and see one of his posterity so ignorant, as not to know the least step of that noble kind of Saltation?"

66

The poor Lady was at last inured to bear all these things with a laudable patience, till one day her husband was seized with a new thought. He had met with a saying, that "Spleen, Garter, and Girdle, are the three impediments to the Cursus.” Therefore Pliny (lib. xi. cap. 37.) says, that such as excel in that exercise have their Spleen cauterized. My Son (quoth Cornelius) runs but heavily; therefore I will have this operation performed upon him immediately. Moreover it will cure that immoderate Laughter to which I perceive he is addicted: For Laughter (as the same Author hath it, ibid.) is caused by the bigness of the Spleen." This design was no sooner hinted to Mrs. Scriblerus, but she burst into tears, wrung her hands, and instantly sent for his brother Albertus, begged him for the love of God to make haste to her Husband.

Albertus was a discreet man, sober in his opinions, clear of Pedantry, and knowing enough both in Books and in the World, to preserve a due regard for whatever was useful or excellent, whether ancient or modern: if he had not always the authority, he had at least the art, to divert Cornelius from

sæpe et diu, jussu Bonifacii patrui, coram Divo Maximiliano, non sine stupore totius Germaniæ, repræsentavimus. Quo tempore cox illa Imperatoris, Hic puer aut thoracem pro pelle aut pro cunis habuit. P.

many extravagances. It was well he came speedily, or Martin could not have boasted the entire Quota of his Viscera. "What does it signify (quoth Albertus) whether my Nephew excels in the Cursus or not? Speed is often a symptom of Cowardice, witness Hares and Deer."--"Do not forget Achilles (quoth Cornelius) I know that Running has been condemned by the proud Spartans, as useless in war; and yet Demosthenes could say, Ανὴρ ὁ φεύγων καὶ πάλιν μαχήσεται ; a thought which the English Hudibras has well rendered,

For he that runs may fight again,

Which he can never do that's slain.

That's true (quoth Albertus); but pray consider on the other side, that Animals "spleen'd grow extremely salacious, an experiment well known in dogs." Cornelius was struck with this, and replied gravely; "If it be so, I will defer the Operation, for I will not increase the powers of my Son's body at the expense of those of his mind. I am indeed disappointed in most of my projects, and fear I must sit down at last contented with such Methods of Education as modern barbarity affords. Happy had it been for us all, had we lived in the age of Augustus! Then my Son might have heard the Philosophers dispute in the Porticos of the Palæstra, and at the same time formed his Body and his Understanding." "It is true (replied Albertus) we have no Exedra for the Philosophers, adjoining to our

Blackmore's Essay on the Spleen. P.

8

Tennis-Courts; but there are Ale-houses where he will hear very notable argumentations: Though we come not up to the Ancients in the Tragic-dance, we excel them in the Kußorin, or the art of Tumbling. The ancients would have beat us at Quoits, but not so much at the Jaculum or pitching the Bar. The Pugilatus is in as great perfection in England as in old Rome, and the Cornish-Hug in the 9 Luctus is equal to the volutatoria of the Ancients." "You could not (answered Cornelius) have produced a more unlucky instance of modern folly and barbarity, than what you say of the Jaculum. 1The Cretans wisely forbid their servants Gymnastics, as well as Arms; and yet your modern Footmen exercise themselves daily in the Jaculum at the corner of Hyde-Park, whilst their enervated Lords are lolling in their chariots (a species of Vectitation seldom used among the Ancients, except by old men)." You say well (quoth Albertus), and we have several other kinds of Vectitation unknown to the Ancients; particularly flying Chariots, where the people may have the benefit of this exercise at the small expense of a farthing. But suppose (which I readily grant) that the Ancients excelled us almost in every thing, yet why this singularity? your Son must take up with such masters as the present age affords; we have

"It is almost impossible to read, without a smile, what Brown, in his Dissertation, p. 27, has with much seriousness and gravity advanced on the importance of Dancing among the Ancients; accompanied with something like a wish, that modern Divines would make it a part of religious ceremonies.

8

Fisty-Cuffs. P.

9

• Wrestling. P.

1 Aristot. Politic. lib. ii. cap. 3. P.

Dancing-masters, Writing-masters, and Music-mas

ters."

2

The bare mention of Music threw Cornelius into a passion. "How can you dignify (quoth he) this modern fiddling with the name of Music? Will any of your best Hautboys encounter a Wolf nowa-days with no other arms but their instruments, as did that ancient piper Pythocaris? Have ever wild Boars, Elephants, Deer, Dolphins, Whales, or Turbots, shewed the least emotion at the most elaborate strains of your modern Scrapers, all which have been, as it were, tamed and humanized by ancient Musicians? Does not Ælian tell us how the Lybian Mares were excited to horsing by Music? (which ought in truth to be a caution to modest Women against frequenting Operas; and consider, Brother, you are brought to this dilemma, either to give up the virtue of the Ladies, or the power of your Music.) Whence proceeds the degeneracy of our Morals? Is it not from the loss of ancient Music, by which (says Aristotle) they taught all the Virtues? Else might we turn Newgate into a College of Dorian Musicians, who should teach moral virtues to those people. Whence comes it that our present diseases are so stubborn? whence is it that I daily deplore my sciatical pains? Alas! because we have lost their true cure by the melody of the Pipe? All this was well known to the Ancients, as

3

2 Ælian. Hist. Animal. lib. xi. cap. 18. and lib. xii. cap. 44. P. 'Nothing can exceed the exquisite humour of this fine ridicule on the supposed effects of ancient music; which nobody has car-. ried to a greater extreme than Isaac Vossius de Poemat. Cantu

*Theoprastus assures us (whence "Cælius calls it loca dolentia decantare); only indeed some small remains of this skill are preserved in the cure of the Tarantula. Did not "Pythagoras stop a company of drunken Bullies from storming a civil house, by changing the strain of the Pipe to the sober Spondæus? and yet your modern Musicians want art to defend their windows from common Nickers. It is well known, that when the Lacedemonian Mob were up, they commonly sent for a Lesbian Musician to appease them, and they immediately grew calm, as soon as they heard Terpander sing: Yet I don't believe that the Pope's whole band of Music, though the best of this age, could keep his Holiness's Image from being burnt on a fifth of November." "Nor

et Viribus Rhythmi, p. 47, who tells us, "That to build cities, surround them with walls, to assemble or dismiss the people, to celebrate the praises of gods and men, to govern fleets and armies, to accompany all the functions and ceremonies of peace and war, and to temper the human passions, were the original offices of music: in short, ancient Greece was wholly governed by the lyre." Dr. Brown insists that this ridicule of Scriblerus is founded on an entire misrepresentation or misapprehension of the true nature of ancient music, which implied not only Melody, but Verse or Song; and was the established vehicle of all the leading principles of their Religion, Morals, and Polity. It was to such an artist that Agamemnon consigned the care of Clytemnestra in his absence, whose banishment furnished Thomson with the finest part of his Tragedy; and it is thus we must interpret what Polybius says of the effect of music, in the well-known passage of his fourth Book concerning the Arcadians. The reader will be much entertained by turning to the tenth section of Burney's excellent History of Ancient Music.

• Athenæus, lib. xiv.

P.