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FAITHLESS NELLY GRAY.
work. Some people may think them an embellishment; but to me it is a matter of astonishment how any one can be so impertinent, to the detriment of all rudiment. But, my lud, this is not to be looked at through the medium of right and wrong; for the law knows no medium, and right and wrong are but its shadOws. Now, in the first place, they have called a kitchen my client's premises. Now, a kitchen is nobody's premises. A kitchen is not a ware-house nor a wash-house, a brew-house nor a bakehouse, an inn-house nor an out-house, nor a dwelling-house ; no, my lud, 't is absolutely and boʻna fi’de neither more nor less than a kitchen, or, as the law more classically expresses it, a kitchen is, camera necessaria pro usus cookare; cum saucepannis, stewpannis, scullero, dressero, coal holo, stovis, smoak-jacko; pro roastandum, boilandum, fryandum, et plum-pudding-andum mixandum; pro turtle-soupos, calves-head-ashibus, cum calipee et calepashibus. But we shall not avail ourselves of an alibi, but admit of the existence of a cook-maid. Now, my lud, we shall take it upon a new ground, and beg a new trial; for, as they have curtailed our name from plain Mary into Moll, I hope the court will not admit of this; for, if the court were to allow of mistakes, what would the law do? For, when the law don't find mistakes, it is the business of the law to make them.”
Therefore, the court, after due consideration, allowed the parties the liberty of a new trial; for the law is our liberty, and it is happy for us we have the liberty to go to law.
G. A. STEVENS.'
V. - FAITHLESS NELLY GRAY.
The love that loves a scarlet coat should be more uniform !”
“0, fulse and fickle Nelly Gray! I know why you refuse :
VI. — THE POETASTER'S FIRST TRAGEDY. [The speaker enters with a roll of manuscript in his hand, from which he reads
the fourth stanza.]
I'll read them. my new tragedy - no ordinary treat ;
If you don't send that child to bed, he will not sleep a wink;
Pray take a chair, and now prepare the laurel crown for me! “Have all got pocket-handkerchiefs ? Your tears will fall in streams
Place water near to sprinkle over any one who screams.
And, when I've done, I'm very sure you 'll wreathe my brow with laurel. “ Hem- Act the first, and Scene the first - a wood - Bumprumpli enters,
Bumprumpti speaks : And have I, then, escaped from my tormentors!
* Pronounced ädleet'.
SORROWS OF WERTER.
Throngh five long sots0, very long ! - the happy bard proceeds ;
T. H. BAYLY,
VII. - THE EXCELLENT MAN.
VIII. SORROWS OF WERTER.
Such as words could never utter ;
know how first he met her?
And a moral man was Werter,
Would do nothing for to hurt her.
And his passion boiled and bubbled,
And no more was by it troubled.
Borne before her on a shutter,
IX. - THE POET AND THE CHEMIST. THERE was a chemist once, who had a mighty faith in the elixir vitæ; and, though unflattered by the dimmest glimpse of success, he still kept groping and grubbing in his dark vocation, stupidly hoping to find the art of changing metals, and guineas coin from
pans and kettles, by mystery of transmutation, A starving poet took occasion to seek this conjuror's abode, - not with encomiastic ode, or laudatory dedication, but with an offer to impart, for twenty pounds, the secret art, which should procure, without the pain of metals, chemistry, and fire, what he so long had sought in vain, and gratify his heart's desire.
The money paid, our bard was hurried to the philosopher's sanctorum; who, somewhat sublimized, and flurried out of his chemical decorum, crowed, capered, giggled, seemed to spurn his crucibles, retort, and furnace, and cried, as he secured the door, and carefully put to the shutter, “ Now, now, the secret I implore! Out with it - speak - discover - utter!” With grave
and solemn look, the poet cried : “ List - 0, list! for thus I show it: – let this plain truth those ingrates strike, who still, though blessed, new blessings crave : That we may all have what we like, simply by liking what we have.”
X. - LODGINGS FOR SINGLE GENTLEMEN. Who has e'er been in London, that overgrown place, Has seen “ lodgings to let” stare him full in the face. Some are good, and let dearly; while some, 't is well known Are so dear, and so bad, they are best let alone. Will Waddle, whose temper was studious and lonely, Hired lodgings that took single gentlemen only ; But Will was so fat, he appeared like a tun, Or like two single gentlemen rolled into one. He entered his rooms, and to bed he retreated ; But, all the night long, he felt fevered and heated ; And, though heavy to weigh as a score of fat sheep, He was not, by any means, heavy to sleep. Next night 't was the same ! and the next! and the next! Ho perspired like an ox; he was nervous and vexed ; Week after week, till, by weekly succession, His weakly condition was past all expression,
In six months his acquaintance began much to doubt him;
bed is immediately over my oven.”, "The oven!” says Will. — Says the host, "Why this passion? In that excellent bed died three people of fashion, Why so crusty, good sir?” “Zounds!” cried Will, in a taking, '“Who would not be crusty, with half a year's baking ?" Will paid for his rooms : - cried the host, with a sneer, "Well, I see you 've been going away half a year.” "Friend, we can't well agree ; — yet no quarrel,” Will said, “But I'd rather not perish, while you make your bread.”
XI.- ORATOR PUFF.
The one squeaking thus, and the other down so ;
0! 0! Orator Puff,