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But he still talked away, spite of coughs and of frowns,
0! 0! Orator Puff,
One voice for an orator 's surely enough. Reeling homewards, one evening, top-heavy with gin,
And rehearsing his speech on the weight of the crown, He tripped near a saw-pit, and tumbled right in, “Sinking fund” the last words as his noddle came down.
0!0! Orator Puff,
One voice for an orator 's surely enough. “Help, help!” he exclaimed, in his he-and-she tones,
Help me out! help me out !- I have broken my bones !” Help you out !” said a Paddy, who passed ; " what a bother ! Why, there's two of you there; can't you help one another ?”
0! O! Orator Puff,
XII. — THE NEWCASTLE APOTHECARY. A MEMBER of the Æsculapian line lived at Newcastle-uponTyne : no man could better gild a pill, or make a bill, or mix a draught, or bleed, or blister ; or draw a tooth out of your head; or chatter scandal by your bed; or spread a plaster. His fame full six miles round the country ran; in short, in reputation he was solus : all the old women called him “a fine man!" His name was Bolus.
Benjamin Bolus, though in trade (which oftentimes will genius fetter), read works of fancy, it is said, and cultivated the « belles lettres." *
Bolus loved verse ; — and took so much delight in 't, all his prescriptions he resolved to write in 't. No opportunity he e'er let pass of writing the directions on his labels in dapper couplets, like Gay's Fables, or, rather, like the lines in Hudibras.
He had a patient lying at death's door, some three miles from the town,
it might be four, to whom, one evening, Bolus sent an article — in pharmacy that's called cathartical : and on the label of the stuff he wrote this verse, which one would think ras clear enough, and terse,
* In both those French words tho o is unsounded.
Next morning early Bolus rose, and to the patient's house he goes, upon his pad, who a vile trick of stumbling had : but he arrived, and gave a tap, between a single and a double rap. The servant lets him in, with dismal face, long as a courtier's out of place, — portending some disaster. John's countenance as rueful looked and grim, as if the apothecary had physicked him, and not his master.
"Well, how's the patient ?” Bolus said. John shook his head. * Indeed !- hum !- ha!- that 's very odd !- He took the draught?” — John gave a nod. - “ Well 7- how? — what then ?- speak out, you dunce !” “Why, then," says John, "we shook him once.”. -"Shook him! how ? how ” friend Bolus stammered out. We jolted him about.”
“What! shake the patient, man !- why, that won't do." “ No, sir,” quoth John, " and so we gave him two." “ Two shakes ! O, luckless verse! 'T would make the patient worse !” “It did so, sir, and so a third we tried." _“ Well, and what then ?”—“Then, sir, my master- died !"
XIII. — THE REMOVAL.
and his daughter's new song Were banished and spoiled by their hammers' ding-dong. He offered each Vulcan to purchase his shop; · But, no! they were stubborn, determined to stop : · At length (both his spirits and health to improve) He cried, “ I'll give each fifty guineas to move."
“ Agreed !" said the pair ; “ that will make us amends." " Then come to my house, and let us part friends : You shall dine ; and we'll drink on this joyful occasion, That each may live long in his new habitation." He gave the two blacksmiths a sumptuous regale ; He spared not provisions, his wine, nor his ale; So much was he pleased with the thought that each guest Would take from him noise, and restore him to rest. “And now," said he, " tell me, where mean you to move ? I hope to some spot where your trade will improve." Why, sir,” replied one, with a grin on his phiz, "Tom Forge moves to my shop, and I move to his ! ”
XIV. - THE RETORT.
Sitting with guests at table, all quite merry, —
To crack a joke upon his secretary. “ Young man,” said he, “by what art, craft, or trade,
Did your good father earn his livelihood ? " “ He was a saddler, sir,” the young man said,
“ And in his line was always reckoned good.”. “A saddler, eh ? and had you stufted with Greek,
Instead of teaching you like him to do!
A saddler, too, of you ?”
Said (craving pardon if too free he made), “Sir, by your leave, I fain would know
Your father's trade." • My father's trade? Why, sir, but that 's too bad !
My father's trade! Why, blockhead, art thou mad ? My father, sir, was never brought so low.
He was a gentleman, I'd have you know !” “ Indeed! excuse the liberty I take;
But, if your story 's true,
THE VISIT OF ST. NICHOLAS.
XV. – THE VISIT OF ST. NICHOLAS.
open the shutters, and threw up the sash.
Now, Dasher ! now, Dancer ! now, Prancer! now, Vixen !
He had a broad face, and a little round belly,
sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle ; But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”
CLEMENT C. NOORE
XVI. — BEAUTY, WIT, AND GOLD.
Then the man of wit and sense