Logical Essays and Disquisitions."

"Without doubt," rejoined we.

"And perhaps, in the third place, there will be some Literary Disputations, on argumentative questions." "Even so," we again slipt in.

"Then you may put it down,"-lifting up his forefinger. "Here's a subscriber," thought we.

"Then you may put it down, I tell ye, as my firm conviction, that it wo'nt take. For, in the first place, you could not grapple with your subjects. Secondly, your subjects could not but be mangled by you, and therefore, in the conclusion, nobody would read them. By the bye, talking of reading, I must say, that in the first place”.

We took our bow with a melancholy face; and rapping at the door of a pretty young widow, consoled ourself by thinking, that we had received a lesson by our own experience.

After the discussion of the last novel, a little harmless gossip about the neighbours, and other agreeable chit-chat, we began to twirl about in our hands, and untie and tie again, the riband of a certain roll of paper, until it at last excited the curiosity and attention of our fair companion. After a little dallying, we let it out as a profound secret, that we wished her name to be at the head of the list; that a great many ladies would then do us the honor to read our labors; that we should have learned discussions,

"My stars! Mr. Airy! would you choke us with your learning? Would you absolutely bore us with your Greek and Latin, and tie us down to your theoretical disputes, as though we were Doctors?"

"You quite mistake, my dearest Madam," we insinuatingly replied, "you quite mistake, as this is only one department, and we shall charm you with soft poesy, and pay great attention to the belles lettres in general, besides affording a budget of interesting and amusing matter."

"Delightful!" quoth she, "delightful!" and hanging down her head, said she would make a confession, which would surprise, astonish, and delight; that it was unknown to her dearest friends, and that she made me a confidant, trusting to my secresy and honor. Then going to the secretary, she opened it.

"Heavens!" thought we, "here, at any rate, is a subscriber."

She unlocked a secret cabinet, and drawing out two or three bundles, gave them to us with downcast eyes, and with full permission to insert them, in such quantities and with such alterations as we thought fit. They were heaps of lack-a-daisical verses, that made our head swim at the first glance. Horror-struck, we vowed and protested, that we were infinitely obliged, and indeed unworthy of them; that we were peculiarly unhappy in saying that there was a particular by-law about ladies

"It is very well, Mr. Airy," she interrupted us, "it is very well, sir. I solicit not your acceptance; but when you see them bound up in red morocco, with gilt cover,-it is all very well, sir."

And forthwith bursting into a passionate flood of tears, we had much ado in escaping with safe bones; for verily an enraged poetess is a dangerous thing. You may praise the features of her acquaintance in her presence; yes, and even neglect her own beauty, but beware how you censure her sonnets;-they are the treasures of her heart. We would as willingly be in the fangs of a she-bear, sorrowing for her cubs, as within the scope of the tongue of a slighted authoress. "Experience is the great master," thought we, as we sauntered along the street, and stopped at a bookseller's, to put down our own honorable name, to add effect to the affair. We then stepped to Mr. Pottle's, the most incorrigible punster, and vilest simile-maker, from St. John's to St. Mary's. He was just sitting down to dinner, but nevertheless welcomed us very kindly.

"And how fares it with you, now-a-days, Mr. Pottle." "Oh, I fear not at all. But allow me to ask how you are getting along, as the fisherman said, when he saw an oyster walking off."

"As well as usual, I thank you, sir; and have paid you this visit, to let you know,-since you are celebrated, Mr. Pottle, as a patron of merit,-that we have just established a college magazine, which we intend to be

"A loud magazine,—as neighbour Grunt said, when the powder-house blew up."

"To contain poetry, jokes, similes, disquisitions on metaphysical subjects, and pleasant essays."

66

-

Truly a pleasing variety, as the beggar said, when he had a drum-stick and a back-bone."

"PROSPECTUS,' we began. On the first of February, eighteen hundred and ""

"Thirty-as Mr. Rust said, when I asked him how many children he had."

"1830, will be published the first number ".

"Or No. 1,'-as I say, when my wife asks whom I love."

"The first Number of

THE COLLEGIAN:

A MONTHLY MAGAZINE,

TO BE CONDUCTED

BY A NUMBER OF UNDERGRADUATES OF HARVARD UNIVERSITY.

"A very good design, indeed,-as the painter said, when he finished his picture.'

"The work to be completed in six numbers; each to contain 48 pages, 8vo."

"And a goodly number of pages,—as the prince said of his attendants. Why-I must-must patronize this excellent-yes-must sign my name-must aid my friends,as the crane said to the frogs."

"Terms, $2, in advance, or $2,50 at the expiration of six months."

Mr. Pottle absolutely jumped six feet; his knife and fork fell to the floor; his eyes seemed bloodshot; with vehement emphasis he cried out

"You shock me, -as the target said to the cannon-ball. I do n't feel very well this morning. You find walking, I suppose, an agreeable exercise, as I asked the fellow in the tread-mill. And particularly with such a fine air,—as the musician said of his pupil; and such a beautiful sun,as my wife says of her boy. Good bye, Mr. Airy,—as the bullet said to the gun; I hope to see you again,—as the shop-man bawled out to his customer."

Thus literally bowed out of the room, and backed to the door, by our good friend Mr. Pottle, we could not help thinking of the versatility of opinion.

However, "Experience," said we, " has given us a lesson," and bent our steps, though rather more slowly and less ardently, towards the domicil of Miss Dorcet, a fat old lady, who tried to acquire the reputation of a blue-stocking. She was surrounded with a dog, cat, monkey, and parrot; being rich withal, and not knowing, like most others of mankind, what to do with her money.

"My young friend," 't was thus she addressed us, "you should never be confused in the statement of particulars,there, Pug-for in every design in life, we should lay out a complete sketch of this design, before-hush, Poll, hush, I say-before we undertake it. Nor do I deem it a markcome here, Cato-a mark of good sense, to make such a mixture of writings, as you represent, since, if you intend to be learned, be altogether so; and if light, do not be grave.

"To show you, madam, how erroneous is the opinion you entertain, allow me to exemplify my remarks by this beautiful little puss,"-seizing a cat that lay dozing on the carpet.

"That is my favorite, Mr. Airy; she was made a present to me-let's me see, on the 20th-no, 21st of January, on a Tuesday, if I remember aright, and came from Italy, after having been to Russia, and being a great traveller "

"And being a great beauty, as you were very properly remarking. But then this beauty, Miss Dorcet, does not, as I conceive, lie in this glossy black; nor does it consist in this velvet white; but in the black being here and there relieved by these spots of white. Just so, my dear Miss Dorcet, I think the chief beauty of a periodical of this kind, to consist in the more meritorious and useful pieces being set off and relieved by a few lighter."

But in the midst of this happy metaphor, puss, not liking her situation, or being too much squeezed by our enthusiastic fingers, gave us a slap in the face, that left a streak of red. We dashed the little traveller to the floor, and she mewed and moaned pitifully. Miss Dorcet screamed out to her housemaid to bring the smelling-bottle-and to her servant to fetch the salve, and the house was in an uproar. Servants running, mistress screaming,-doors banging,—cat mewing, we thought the wisest plan would be to sound a retreat. So springing up hastily, we knocked down the

parrot's cage, and Poll escaping, added no small increase to the din. Jumping aside, at this contact, we trod with one foot on Pug's toes, and with the other gave Cato's tail so forcible a pressure, that he yelped most fearfully, and aided our now swift movements towards the door, barking and biting at our heels.

Fatigued, and dispirited, we took shelter in the store of a merchant, with whom we were slightly acquainted. He was standing at his desk, very busy with his leger; and we verily believe that he took us for a clerk on business, instead of Frank Airy, deputed by the honorable club to collect subscribers; and the neat roll tied round with a pink riband, to be the papers of some neighboring counting-room, instead of the honorable Prospectus of our periodcial. After stating preliminaries, this plague of a merchant not turning from his desk, we began to wax warm, and with powerful rhetoric, were endeavouring to turn one erring mortal to the paths of literature.

"We have, sir, a store of good articles."

"We want not, I tell you, your store of goods now." "We have made firm resolutions 99

"We have nothing to do with your firm, I say. "You quite misunderstand, sir, I only noticed "I have nothing, I tell you, to do with your notes.' "I will first read 99 "6 and 4 are 10"- 66 Prospectus "stock 99 "On the first of Feb."-" to sail "- "The Collegian "—" valued at 61 cents "_"Monthly Magazine” -"cargo "—" conducted "—" composed "" number of undergraduates"—"geese and goslings"

66

"By heaven, sir, do you mean to interrupt me in my own office!" cried the enraged dealer in figures; and forthwith giving us an impetus, that sent us hastily down stairs, he slammed the door, growling out, "Puppy! 7 and 8 are 15, carry 1."

We turned round, and looked, with a woe-begone countenance, up the narrow flight of stairs, down which we had just flown with the swiftness of the wind. We opened the paper, to see if all was right. We looked again-nearerexamined closely-and yet closer-but one name marred the fairness of the page. We said nothing, complained not, but as we bent our steps toward home, we vowed in