N° 558. Wednesday, June 23. I Qui fit, Macenas, ut nemo, quam fibi fortem Catera de genere hoc (adeo funt multa) loquacem Ne te morer, audi : Quid ftatis? Nolint. Atque licet effe beatis.-Hor. Tis a celebrated Thought of Socrates, that if all the Misfortunes of Mankind were caft into a publick Stock, in order to be equally diftributed among the whole Species, thofe who now think themfelves the most unhappy, would prefer the Share they are already poffefs'd of, before that which would fall to them by fuch a Divifion. Horace has carried this Thought a great deal further in the Motto of my Paper, which implies that the Hardships or Misfortunes we lye under, are more easy to us than thofe of any other Perfon would be, in cafe we could change Conditions with him. AS I was ruminating on thefe two Remarks, and feated in my Elbow-Chair, I infenfibly fell asleep; when, when on a fudden, methought there was a Proclamation made by Jupiter, that every Mortal fhould bring in his Griefs and Calamities, and throw them together in a Heap. There was a large Plain appointed for this Purpose. I took my Stand in the Center of it, and faw with a great deal of Pleasure the whole human Species marching one after another, and throwing down their feveral Loads, which immediately grew up into a prodigious Mountain, that feemed to rife above the Clouds. THERE was a certain Lady of a thin airy Shape, who was very active in this Solemnity. She carried a magnifying Glafs in one of her Hands, and was cloathed in a loose flowing Robe, embroidered with feveral Figures of Fiends and Spectres, that discovered themfelves in a thousand chimerical Shapes, as her Garment hovered in the Wind. There was fomething wild and diftracted in her Looks. Her Name was FANCY. She led up every Mortal to the appointed Place, after having very officioufly affifted him in making up his Pack, and laying it upon his Shoulders. My Heart melted within me to fee my Fellow-Creatures groaning under their respective Burthens, and to confider that prodigious Bulk of human Calamities which lay before me. THERE were however feveral Perfons who gave me great Diverfion upon this Occafion. I obferved one bringing in a Fardel very carefully concealed under an old embroidered Cloak, which, upon his throwing it into the Heap, I difcovered to be Poverty. Another, after a great deal of Puffing, threw down his Luggage, which, upon examining, I found to be his Wife. THERE were Multitudes of Lovers faddled with very whimsical Burthens compofed of Darts and Flames; but, what was very odd, tho' they fighed as if their Hearts would break under thefe Bundles of Calamities, they could not perfwade themselves to caft them into the Heap, when they came up to it; but after a few faint Efforts, hook their Heads and marched away, as heavy loaden as they came. I faw Multitudes of old Women throw down their Wrinkles, and feveral young young ones who ftripped themselves of a tawny Skin.' There were very great Heaps of red Nofes, large Lips, and rufty Teeth. The Truth of it is, I was furpriz'd to fee the greatest Part of the Mountain made up of bodily Deformities. Obferving one advancing towards the Heap with a larger Cargo than ordinary upon his Back, I found upon his near Approach, that it was only a natural Hump, which he difpofed of, with great Joy of Heart, among this Collection of human Miseries. There were likewife Diftempers of all Sorts, tho' I could not but obferve, that there were many more imaginary than real. One little Packet I could not but take Notice of, which was a Complication of all the Diseases incident to humane Nature, and was in the Hand of a great many fine People: This was called the Spleen. But what most of all furpriz'd me, was a Remark I made, that there was not a fingle Vice or Folly thrown into the whole Heap: At which I was very much aftonished, having concluded within my self, that every one would take this Opportunity of getting rid of his Paffions, Prejudices and Frailties. I took Notice in particular of a very profligate Fellow, who I did not queftion came loaden with his Crimes, but upon fearching into his Bundle, I found that inftead of throwing his Guilt from him, he had only laid down his Memory. He was followed by another worthlefs Rogue who flung away his Modefty inftead of his Ignorance. WHEN the whole Race of Mankind had thus caft their Burdens, the Phantome which had been fo bufie on this Occafion, feeing me an idle Spectator of what paffed, approached towards me. I grew uneafie at her Prefence, when of a fudden fhe held her magnifying Glafs full before my Eyes. I no fooner faw my Face in it, but was ftartled at the Shortnefs of it, which now appeared to me in its utmost Aggravation. The immoderate Breadth of the Features made me very much out of Humour with my own Countenance, upon which I threw it from me like a Mask. It happened very luckily, that one who ftood by me had juft juft before thrown down his Vifage, which, it feems, was too long for him. It was indeed extended to a moft fhameful length; I believe the very Chin was, modeftly fpeaking, as long as my whole Face. We had both of us an Opportunity of mending our felves, and all the Contributions being now brought in, every Man was at Liberty to exchange his Misfortune for those of another Perfon. But as there arole many new In cidents in the Sequel of my Vifion, I fhall referve them for the Subject of my next Paper. N° 559. I Friday, June 25. Quid caufa eft, meritò quin illis Jupiter ambas Tam facilem dicat, votis ut præbeat aurem? Hor. N my laft Paper, I gave my Reader a Sight of that Mountain of Miferies, which was made up of those feveral Calamities that afflict the Minds of Men. I faw, with unfpeakable Pleasure, the whole Species thus delivered from its Sorrows: though at the fame time, as we flood round the Heap, and furveyed the feveral Materials of which it was compofed, there was scarce a Mortal, in this vaft Multitude, who did not difcover what he thought Pleafures and Bleffings of Life; and wonder'd how the Owners of them ever came to look upon them as Burthens and Grievances. AS we were regarding very attentively this Confufion of Miferies, this Chaos of Calamity, Jupiter iffued out a fecond Proclamation, that every one was now at Liberty to exchange his Affliction, and to return to his Habitation with any fuch other Bundle as fhould be delivered to him. UPON this, FANCY began again to beftir her felf, and parcelling out the whole Heap with incredi ble Activity, recommended to every one his particular 6 Packet Packet. The Hurry and Confufion at this time was not to be expreffed. Some Obfervations, which I made upon the Occafion, I fhall communicate to the Publick. A venerable grey-headed Man, who had laid down the Cholick, and who I found wanted an Heir to his Estate, fnatched up an undutiful Son, that had been thrown into the Heap by his angry Father. The gracelefs Youth, in less than a quarter of an Hour, pulled the old Gentleman by the Beard, and had like to have knocked his Brains out; fo that meeting the true Father, who came towards him with a Fit of the Gripes, he begg'd him to take his Son again, and give him back his Cholick; but they were incapable either of them to recede from the Choice they had made. A poor GallySlave, who had thrown down his Chains, took up Gout in their ftead, but made such wry Faces, that one might easily perceive he was no great Gainer by the Bargain. It was pleafant enough to fee the feveral Exchanges that were made, for Sickness against Poverty, Hunger against want of Appetite, and Care against Pain. the THE Female World were very bufie among themfelves in bartering for Features; one was trucking a Lock of grey Hairs for a Carbuncle, another was making over a fhort Wafte for a Pair of round Shoulders, and a third cheapning a bad Face for a loft Reputation: But on all these Occafions, there was not one of them who did not think the new Blemish, as foon as the had got it into her Poffeffion, much more disagreeable than the old one. I made the fame Obfervation on every other Misfortune or Calamity, which every one in the Affembly brought upon himself, in lieu of what he had parted with; whether it be that all the Evils which befall us are in fome measure fuited and proporti oned to our Strength, or that every Evil becomes more fupportable by our being accustomed to it, I fhall not determine. I could not for my Heart forbear pitying the poor hump-back'd Gentleman mentioned in the former Pa per, who went off a very well-fhaped Perfon with a Stone in his Bladder; nor the fine Gentleman who had ftruck up this Bargain with him, that limped thro' a VOL. VIII. B whol |