« ForrigeFortsett »
and hails : on the other was the Death of Atic tallow-chandler, ora Roman pastrythe Stag, finely coloured by Mr. Overton : cook? Or could any of their shoe-makers close by the parlour-doorthere hung a pair or tailors boast a villa with his tin casof stag's horns ; over which there was laid cades, paper statues, and Gothic rootacross a red roquelo, and an amberheaded houses ? Upon the above principles we
Over the chimney piece was my may expect, that posterity will perhaps see friend's picture, who was drawn bolt up- a cheesemonger's apiarium at Brentford, a right in a full-bottomed perriwig, a laced poulterer's theriotrophium at Chiswick, cravat with the fringed ends appearing and an ornithon in a fishmonger's garden through a button-bole, a snuff-coloured at Putney.
Connoisseur. velvet coat with gold buttons, a red velvet waistcoat trimmed with gold, one hand $ 119. Humourous Scene between Devstuck in the bosom of his shirt, and the Nis the Critic (satirically represented other holding out a letter with this super- by SWIFT as mad) and the Doctor, scription : "To Mr. _-, commoncouncil-man of Farringdon-ward with
Scene, Dennis's Garret. out.” My eyes were then directed to another figure in a scarlet gown, who I was Dennis, Doctor, NURSE, Lintor the informed was my friend's wife's great Bookseller, and another Author. great uncle, and had been sheriff and knighted in the reign of king James the DENNIS. [Looking wise, and bringing First. Madam herself filled up a pannel out his words slowly and formally.] on the opposite side, in the habit of a
Beware, Doctor, that it fare not with shepherdess, smelling to a nosegay, and
you, as it did with your predecessor, the stroking a ram with gilt horns. I was then invited by my friend to sec
famous Hippocrates, whom the mistaken what he was pleased tỏ call his garden, citizens of Abdera sent for, in this very which was nothing more than a yard about manner, to cure the philosopher Democrithirty feet in length, and contained about tus. Ile returned full of admiration at the
wisdom of the person whom he had sup. a dozen little pots ranged on each side with lilies and coxcombs, supported by posed a lunatic. Behold, Doctor, it was some old laths painted green, with bowisthus that Aristotle himself
, and all the of tobacco-pipes on their tops. At the end great ancients, spent their days and nights of this garden he bade me take notice of wrapt up in criticism, and beset all round square building surrounded with with their own writings. As for me, be
swellfilleroy, which he told me an alderman of assured, I have no disease besides great taste had turned into a temple, by
my legs, of which I say nothing, since your art
farther certify you. erecling some battlements and spires of
Doctor. Pray, Sir, how did you colle painted wood on the front of it : but con
tract this swelling? cluded with a hint, that I might retire to it
Dennis. By criticism. upon occasion.
Doctor. By criticism ! that's a distemAs the riches of the country are visible in the number of its inhabitants, and the per I have never heard nor read of.
Dennis. Death, Sir, a distemper! it is clegance of their dwellings, we may ven, ture to say that the present state of Eng- fourteen hours a day at it: and are you a
no distemper; but a noble art. I have sat land is very
flourishing and prosperous : doctor and don't know that there's a and if our taste for building increases with
communication between the brain and the our opulence for the next century, we
legs? shall be able to boast of finer country-seats
Doctor. What made you sit so mang belonging to our shop-keepers, artificers,
hours, Sir? and other plebeians, than the most pom
Dennis. Cato, Sir. pous descriptions of Italy or Greece have
Doctor. Sir, I speak of your distemper. ever recorded. We read, it is true, of
gave you this tumor? country-seats belonging to Pliny, Horten
Dennis. Cato, Cato, Cato*. sius, Lucullus, and other Romans. They
Nurse. For God's sake, Doctor, name were patricians of great rank and fortune :
not this evil spirit; it is the whole cause of there can therefore be no doubt of the excellence of their villas. But who has ever
* He published Renarks on Cato, in the year read of a Chinese bridge belonging to an 1712.
his madness. Alas! poor master will have lost? O destruction! perdition! cursed his fits again.
[almost crying opera! confounded opera !* as poetry Lintot. Fits ! with a pox! a man may once raised critics, so, when poetry fails, well have fits and swelled legs, that sits critics are overturned, and the world is no writing fourteen hours in a day. The more. Remarks, the Remarks, have brought all Doctor. He raves, he raves. Ile must his complaints upon him.
be pinioned, he must be straight-waistcoatDoctor. The Remarks! what are they? ed, that he may do no mischief.
Dennis. Death! have you never read Dennis. o I am sick! I am sick to my Remarks? I'll be hang'd if this nigr death! gardly bookseller has advertised the book Doctor. That is a good symptom, a as it should have been.
very good symptom. To be sick to death Lintot. Not advertise it, quoth'a ! pox! (says the modern theory) is Symptoma I have laid out pounds after pounds in ad- præclarum. When a patient is sensible vertising. There has been as much done of his pain he is half-cured. Pray, Sir, of for the book as could be done for any book what are you pick? in Christendom.
Dennis. Of every thing. Of every Doctor. We had better not talk of books, thing. I am sick of the sentiments, of the Sir, I am afraid they are the fuel that diction, of the protasis, of the epitasis, and feed bis delirium. Mention books no the catastrophe. —- Alas! for the lost more.--I desire a word in private with drama! the drama is no more! this gentleman.-I suppose, Sir, you are Nurse. If you want a dram, Sir, I will his apothecary.
bring you a couple of penn'orths of gin Gent. Sir, I am his friend.
in a minute. M:. Lintot has drank the Doctor. I doubt it not. What regimen last of the noggin. have you observed since he has been under Dennis. () scandalous want! () shameyour care? You remember I suppose, the ful omission! By all the immortals, here passage in Celsus, which says, “ If the pa- is not the shadow of a paripatia ! no
tient on the third day have an interval, change of fortune in the tragedy ! 'suspend the medicines at night.” Let Nurse. Pray, Sir, don't be uneasy about fumigations be used to corrobrate the change. Give me the sixpence, and I'll brain. I hope you have upon no account get you change immediately at the gin promoted sternutation by heilebore. shop next door.
Gent. Sir, you mistake the matter Doctor. Hold your peace, good woman. quite.
His fit increases. We must call for help. Doctor. What! an apothecary tell a Mr. Lintot, a- -hold him, pray. [Docphysician he mistakes ! you pretend to tor gets behind Lintot.] dispute iny prescription ! Pharmacopola Lintot. Plague on the man! I am afraid componant. Medicus solus præscribat. Fu- he is really mad. And if he be, who the migate him, I say, this very evening, while devil will buy the remarks? I wish (scratchhe is relieved by an interval.
ing his head] he had been besh-t, rather Dennis. Death, Sir, do you take my than I had meddled with his Remarks. friend for an apothecary ! a man of genius Doctor. He must use the cold bath, and and learning for an apothecary! Know, be cupped on the head. The symptoms Sir, that this gentleman professes, like seem desperate. Avicen says, " It learn. myself, the two noblest sciences in the uni. “ing be mixed with a brain that is not of verse, criticism and poetry. By the im- a contexture fit to receive it, the brain murtals, he himself is author of three “ ferments till it be totally exhausted." whole paragraphs in my Remarks, had a We must endeavour to eradicate these inhand in my public Spirit, and assisted me digested ideas out of the pericranium, and in my description of the furies and infer- to restore the patient to a competent knownal regions in my Appius.
ledge of himself. Lintot. He is an author. You mistake Dennis. Caitiffs, stand off! unhand me, the gentleman, Doctor. He has been an miscreants ! [The Doctor, the Nurse, and author these twenty years, to his booksel- Lintot, run out of the room in a hurry, and ler's knowledge, if to no one's else. tumble down the garret stairsalltogether.]
Dennis. Is all the town in a combina- Is the man, whose labours are calculated tion? shall poetry fall to the ground? must * He wrote a treatise to prove, that the decay our reputation in foreign countries be quite of public spirit proceeds from the Italian opera.
to bring the town to reason, mad? Is the thing which makes against himself. After man, who settles poetry on the basis of an- he had turned over many volumes, said the tiquity, mad? See Longinus in my right seller to him,—Sir, you know I have long hand, and Aristotle in my left![Calls after asked you to send me back the first volume the Doctor, Bookseller, and the Nurse, of French Sermons I formerly lent you. from the top of the stairs.] I am the only Sir, said the chapman, I have often looked man among
the moderns, that supports the for it but cannot find it: it is certainly venerable ancients. And am I to be assas- lost; and I know not to whom I lent it, it sinated ? shall a bookseller, who has lived is so many years ago. Then, Sir, here is upon my labours, take away that life to the other volume; I'll send you home that, which he owes his support? [Goes into and please to pay for both. My friend, kis garret, and shuts the door.)
replied he, can'st thou be so senseless, as not
to know, that one volume is as imperfect $ 120. The two Bees.
in my library, as in your shop? Yes, Sir, On a fine morning in May, two Bees set but it is you have lost the first volume; and, forward in quest of honey : the one wise to be short, I will be paid. Sir, answered and temperate, the other careless and ex- the chapman, you are a young man; your travagant. They soon arrived at a garden book is lost; and learn, by this little loss, enriched with aromatic herbs, the most to bear much greater adversities; which fragrant flowers, and the most delicious
you must expect to meet with. Yes, Sir, fruits. They regaled themselves for a I'll bear when I must; but I have not lost time on the various dainties that were now, for I say you have it, and shall pay spread before them : the one loading his me. Friend, you grow warm; I tell you, thigh at intervals with provisions for the the book is lost; and I foresee, in the hive against the distant winter; the other course even of a prosperous life, that you revelling in sweets, without regard to any will meet afflictions to make you mad, if thing but his present gratification. At you cannot bear this trifle. Sir, there is, in length they found a wide-mouthed phial, this case, no need of bearing, for you have that hung beneath the bough of a peach- the book. I say, Sir, I have not the book; tree, filled with honey ready-tempered, but your passion, will not let you bear and exposed to their taste in the most allur. enough to be informed that I have it not. ing manner. The houghtless epicure, spite Learn resignation betimes to the distresses of all his friend's remonstrances, plunged of this life : nay, do not fret and fume; it headlong into the vessel, resolving to in- is my duty to tell you that you are of an dulge himself in all the pleasures of sen- impatient spirit; and an impatient spirit is suality. The philosopher on the other never without woe. Was ever any thing hand, sipped a little with caution : but be like this?— Yes, Sir, there have been many ing suspicious of danger, flew off to fruits things like this. The loss is but a trifle; and flowers: where, by the moderation of but your temper is wanton, and incapable his meals, he improved his relish for the of the least pain; therefore, let me advise true enjoyment of them. In the evening, you, be patient: the book is lost, but do however, he called upon his friend, to en- not you, for that reason, lose yourself. quire whether he would return to the hive;
Spectator. but found him surfeited in sweets, which he was as unable to leave, as to enjoy. $ 122. Falstaff's Encomiums on Sack. Clogged in his wings, enfeebied in his feet, A good sherris-sack hath a two-fold opeand his whole frame totally enervated, he ration in it-It ascends me into the brain: was but just able to bid his friend adieu, dries me, there all the foolish, dull, and and to lament with his latest breath, that, crudy vapours which environ it : makes it though a taste of pleasure might quicken apprehensive, quick, inventive; full of the relish of life, an unrestrained indul- nimbly, fiery, and delectable shapes, which gence is inevitable destruction.
delivered over to the voice, the tongue, § 121. Pleasant Scene of Anger, and the The second property of your excellent
which is the birth, becomes excellent wit. Disappointment of it.
sherrisis, the warming of the blood; which There came into a bookseller's shop a before, cold and settled, left the liver white very learned man, with an erect solemn and pale which is the badge of pusillaniair: who, though a person of great parts mity and cowardice. But the sherris warnis otherwise, is slow in understanding any it, and makes its course from the inwards
to the parts extreme. It illuminateth the and are there not some of them set forward face, which, as a beacon, gives warning to already? What a Pagan rascal is this! an all the rest of this little kingdom, man, to infidel !—Ila! you shall see now, in very arm; and, then, the vital commoners, and sincerity of fear and cold heart, will he to inland petty spirits, muster me all to their the king, and lay open all our proceed. captain, the heart; who, great, and puffed ings. Ö! I could divide myself, and go up with this retinue, doth any deed of cou. to buffets, for moving such a dish of rage, and this valour comes of sherris. skimmed milk with so honourable an acSo that skill in the weapon is nothing with- tion.- Hang him ! let him tell the king. out sack, for that sets it a work; and learn. We are prepared. I will set forward toing a mere hoard of gold kept by a devil, night.
Ibid. till sack commences it, and sets it in act Hereof comes it that Prince
$ 124. Falstaff's Soliloquy on Honour. Harry is valiant: for the cold blood he did Owe heaven a death! 'Tis not due naturally inherit of his father he hath, like yet; and I would be loth to pay him be. lean, sterile, and bare land, manured, hus. fore his day. What need I be so forward banded, and tilled, with drinking good, with him that calls not on me?-Well, and good store of fertile sherris.— If i had, tis no matter, honour pricks me on. But a thousand sons, the first human principle how if honour pricks me off when I come I would teach them, should be --To for- on? how then ? Can honour set to a leg? swear thin potations, and to addict them- no: or an arm? no; or take away the selves to sack.
Shakespeare. grief of a wound ? no. Honour hath no
skill in surgery, then ? no. What is ho123. Hotspur reading a letter.
nour? a word. What is that word boBut, for mine own part, my lord, I nour? air : a trim reckoning. Who hath " could be well contented to be there, in it? he that died a Wednesday. Doth he
respect of the love I bear your house." feel it? no. Doth he hear it? no. It is -He could be contented to be there! insensible then? yea to the dead. But will Why is he not then ?-In respect of the it not live with the living? no. Why? love he bears our house ! Ile shews in this, detraction will not suffer it; therefore, i'll he loves his own barn better than he loves none of it ; honour is a mere 'scutcheon ; our house. Let me see some more. “The and so ends my catechism. Ibid. purpose you undertake is dangerous." - Why, that's certain ; 'tis dangerous to
$ 125. The perfect Speaker. take a cold, to sleep, to drink; but I tell Imagine to yourselves a Demosthenes you my lord fool, out of this nettle dan- addressing the most illustrious assembly in ger, we pluck this hower safety. “ The the world, upon a point whereon the fate
purpose you undertake is dangerous; of the most illustrious of nations depended. "The friends you have named, uncertain ; -How awful such a meeting ! How vast
and time itself, unsorted; and your whole the subject !-Is man possessed of talents plot too light for the counterpoise of so adequate to the great occasion ? Adequate
great an opposition.”-Say you so, say-yes, superior. By the power of his eloyou so? I say unto you again, you are a quence, the augustness of the assembly is shallow cowardly hind, and you lie. What lost in the dignity of the orator; and the a lackbrain is this ! Our plot is a good importance of the subject for a while suplot as ever was laid: our friends true and perseded, by the admiration of his talents. constant; a good plot, good friends, and -With what strength of argument, with full of expectation ; an excellent plot, what powers of the fancy, with what emovery good friends. What a frosty-spirited tions of the heart, does he assault and sub. rogue this is! Why, my lord of York jugate the whole man, and, at once, capticommends the plot, and the general course vate his reason, his imagination, and his of the action. By this hand, if I were passions !—To effect this, must be the utnow by this rascal, I could brain him with most effort of the most improved state of his lady's fan. Is there not my father, human nature.--Nota faculty that he posmy uncle, and myself; lord Edmund Mor- sesses, is here unemployed; not a faculty timer, my lord of York, and Owen Glen- that he possesses but is here exerted to its dower? Is there not, besides, the Doug- highest pitch. All his internal powers are glas? Have I not all their letters, to meet at work; all his external testify theirer me in arms by the ninth of the next month? gies. Within, the memory, the
the judgment, the passions, are all busy ; affront imaginable without shewing the without, every muscle, every nerve, is least resentment. exerted : not a feature, not a limb, but The reverend Mr. Puff, a methodist speak. The organs of the body, attuned preacher, was so extravagantly zealous to the exertions of the mind, through the and laborious in his calling, that his kindred organs of the hearers, instanta- friends were afraid he would bawl bimself neously, and as it were with an electrical into a consumption. By my interest with spirit, vibrates those energies from soul to a noble lord, I procured him a living with soul.—Notwithstanding the diversity of a reasonable income: and he now behaves minds in such a multitude, by the light- himself like a regular divine of the estaning of eloquence, they are melted into one blished church, and never gets into a pul. mass--the whole assembly, actuated in pit. one and the same way, become as it
were, Mrs. Diapa Bridle, a maiden lady, about but one man, and have but one voice. forty years of age, had a conceit that she The universal cry is-Let us march against was with child. I advised her to convert Philip-let us fight for our liberties- let her imaginary pregnancy into a real one, us conquer-or die.
by taking a husband; and she has never $ 126. Distempers of the mind cured.
abeen troubled with any fancies of that kind
Mr. William Moody, an elderly gen. Being bred to the study of physic, and tleman, who lived in a solitary part of having observed, with sorrow and regret, Kent, was apt to be very low spirited in that whatever success the faculty may meet an easterly wind. I nailed his weatherwith in bodily distempers, they are gene- cock to a westerly point; and at present, rally baffled by distempers of the mind, I whichsoever way the wind blows, he is have made the latter the chief subject of equally cheerful. my attention, and may venture to affirm, Alexander Stingo, Esq. was so strongly that my labour has not been thrown away, possessed by the spirit of witticism, that he Though young in my profession, I have would not condescend to open bis lips for had a tolerable share of experience, and any thing less than an epigram. Under have a right to expect, that the credit of the influence of this malady he has been some extraordinary cures I have perform- so deploralsly dull, that he has often been ed will furnish me with opportunities of silent a whole week together. I took him performing more. In the mean time, I into my own house ; instead of laughing at require it of you, not as a favour to myself, his jests, I either pronounced them to be but as an act of justice to the public, to
puns, or paid no attention to them at all. In insert the following in your chronicle. a month I perceived a wonderful alteration
Mr. Abraham Buskin, taylor, was horri- in him for the better : from thinking with bly intected with the itch of stage-playing, out speaking, he began to speak without to the grievous discomfiture of his wife, thinking: at present never says a good and the great detriment of nine small chil- thing, and is a very agreeable companion. dren. I prevailed with the manager of I likewise cured a lady of a lonring for one of the theatres to admit him for a ortolans, by a dozen of Dunstable larks ; single night in the character of Othello, in and could send you many other remarkwhich it may be remembered that a but- able instances of the efficacy of my preton-maker hac formerly distinguished him- scriptions ; but these are sufficient for å self; u ben, having secured a seat in a con- specimen.
I am, &c. venient corner of the gallery, by the dex
Bonnel Thornton. terous application of about three pecks of potatoes to the sinciput and occiput of the $ 127. Character of a Choice Spirit. patient, I entirely cured him of his deli. rium; and he has ever since betaken him- Sir, self quietly to his needle and thimble. That a tradesman has no business with
Mr. Edward Snap was of so, choleric a humour, unless perhaps in the way of his temper, and so extremely apt to think bim- dealing; or with writing, unless in his self affronted, that it was reckoned dange- shop-book, is a truth, which I believe no rous even 10 look at him. I tweaked him body will dispute with me. I am so unforby the nose, and administered the proper tunate however as to have a nephew, who
, application behind: and he is now so good- not contented with being a grocer, is in humoured, that he will take the greatest danger of absolute ruin by his ambition