moments. The person you converse with, after the third bottle, is not the fame man who at first sat down at table with you. Upon this maxim is founded one of the prettiest sayings I ever met with, which is ascribed to Publius Syrus, Qui ebrium ludificat, lædit absentem: He who jeits “ upon a man that is Drunk injures the absent.”

Thus does Drunkenness act in a direct contradiction to reason, whose business it is to clear the mind of every vice which is crept into it, and to guard it against all the approaches of any that endeavours to make its entrance. But besides thefe ill effects which this vice produces in the person who is actually under its dominion, it has also a bad influence on the mind even in its sober moments, as it insensibly weakens the understanding, impairs the memory, and makes those faults habitual which are produced by frequent excefles.

I shall now proceed to shew the ill effects which this vice has on the bodies and fortunes of men ; but these I shall reserve for the subject of fome future Paper.

* By Addison. See Tar. No. 152, No. 205, No. 24); Spect. No. 189, No. 195; and GUARD. No. 56. : *** For the information of gentlemen, and promotion of trade among booksellers, there is this day publi hed « The “ Monthly Catalogue of all books, sermons and pamphlets, « which were published in the months of May and June last; " the name of the Printer and price being to each book." Printed for B. Lintot, price 3 d. each month; to be continued monthly. Spect. in folio..

Whichthly Calokfellerstion of genUARD. N: 205, No.

No. 570.

No 570. Wednesday, July 21, 1714.


Nugæque canora. Hor. Ars Poet. ver. 3222 • Chiming trifles.

RoscoMMON. THERE is scarcely a man living who is

not actuated by AMBITION. When this principle meets with an honest mind and great abilities, it does infinite service to the world; on the contrary, when a man only thinks of distinguishing himself without being thus qualified for it, he becomes a very pernicious or a very ridiculous creature. I shall here confine myself to that petty kind of Ambition, by which some men grow eminent for odd accomplishments and trivial performances. How many are there whose whole reputation depends upon a pun or a quibble ? You may often see an artist in the streets gain a circle of admirers by carrying a long pole upon his chin or forehead in a perpendicular 'posture. Ambition has taught some to write with their feet, and others to walk upon their hands. Some tumble into Fame, others' grow immortal by throwing themselves through a hoop.

Cetera de genere hoc adeo sunt multa, loquacem Delefare valent Fabium Hor. 1 Sat. i. 13. s With thousands more of this Ambitious race 6 Would çire ev'n Fabius to relate each case.'


I am led into this train of thought by an adventure I lately met with.

I was the other day at a tavern, where the mafter of the houfe * accommodating us himfelf with every thing we wanted, I accidentally fell into a discourse with him ; and talking of a certain great man, who shall be nameless, he told me that he had sometimes the honour 66 to “ treat him with a whistle ;" adding (by way of parenthesis) “ for you must know, gentle“ men, that's whistle the best of any man in “ Europe." This naturally put me upon defiring him to give us a sample of his art ; upon which he called for a case-knife, and, applying the edge of it to his mouth, converted it into a musical instrument, and entertained me with an Italian folo. Upon laying down the knife, he took up a pair of clean tobacco-pipes; and, after having slid the small end of them over the table in a most melodious trill, he fetched a tune out of them, whistling to them at the same time in concert. In thort, the tobacco-pipes became musical pipes in the hands of our virtuoso, who confessed to me ingenuously, he had broke fuch quantities of them, that he had almost broke himself before he had brought this piece of mufic to any tolerable perfection. I then told him I would bring a company of friends to dine with him next week, as an encouragement to his in

* This man's name was Daintry. He was in the trained bands, and commonly known by the name of Captain DainTRY. The annotator received this information from old Mr. Heywood. See GUARD. in 8vo. No. 84, and Note on Mr. J. Heywood.



genuity; upon which he thanked me, saying that he would provide himself with a new frying-pan against that day. I replied, that it was no matter; roast and boiled would serve our turn. He smiled at my simplicity, and told me that it was his design to give us a tune upon it. As I was surprised at such a promise, he sent for an old frying-pan, and, grating it upon the board, whistled to it in such a melodious manner, that you could scarcely diftinguith it from a bass-viol. He then took his seat with us at the table, and, hearing my friend that was with me hum over a tune to himself, he told him if he would fing out he would accompany his voice with a tobacco-pipe. As my friend has an agreeable bass, he chote rather to sing to the frying-pan, and indeed between them they made up a moft extraordinary concert. Finding our landlord so great a proficient in kitchen music, I asked him if he was master of the tongs and key. He told me that he had laid it down some years since as a little unfashionable; but that, if I pleased, he would give me a lesson upon the gridiron. He then informed me that he had added two bars to the gridiron, in order to give it a greater compass of Tound; and I perceived was as well pleased with the invention as Sappho could have been upon adding two strings to the lute. To be short, I found that his whole kitchen was furnished with musical instruments; and could not but look upon this artist as a kind of burlesque musician.


He afterwards of his own accord fell into the imitation of several singing birds. My friend and I toasted our mistresses to the nightingale, when all of a sudden we were surprised with the mufic of the thrush. He next proceeded to the skylark, mounting up by a proper scale of notes, and afterwards falling to the ground with a very easy and regular descent. He then contracted his whistle to the voice of several birds of the smallest fize. As he is a man of a larger bulk and higher stature than ordinary, you would fancy him a giant when you looked upon him, and a tom-tit when you shut your eyes. I must not omit acquainting my reader, that this accomplished person was formerly the master of a toyThop near Temple-bar; and that the famous Charles Mather was bred up under him, I am told that the misfortunes which he has met with in the world are chiefly owing to his great application to his music; and therefore cannot but recommend him to my readers as one who deferves their favour, and m ay afford them great diversion over a bottle of wine, which he fells at the Queen's-arms, near the end of the little piazza in Covent-Garden *.

* Mr. James Heywood likewise informed the editor, that the tavern here mentioned was much frequented by STEELE and Addison. See Spect. Vol. IV. No. 268. Note on Mr. Heywood, and GUARD. 8vo. No. 84 and Note.

*** Just published, the second Edition of Verses at the public Commencement at Cambridge. Written and spoken by Mr. Eusden. Printed for J. Tonson, at Shakespear's Head, against Catherine-ftreet in the Strand, Spect. in folio.

No. 571.

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