Dim. Hold to that, madam, and let his head | ache into the bargain. Mrs. Drug. Your poor father heard it as well as ine. Lady Rac. Then let your doors be opened for him this very moment-let him return to London -if he does not, I'll lock myself up, and the false one shan't approach me, though he beg on his knees at my very door-a base, injurious man! [Exit. Mrs. Drug. Dimity, do let us follow, and hear what she has to say for herself. [Exit. Dim. She has excuse enough, I warrant her. What a noise is here, indeed! I have lived in polite families, where there was no such bustle imade about nothing. Enter SIR CHARLES and DRugget. [Erit. Mrs. Drug. I wish you'd moderate your anger a little, and let us talk over this affair with temper my daughter denies every tittle of your charge. Sir Cha. Denies it! denies it! Sir Cha. And that aggravates her fault. Mrs. Drug. She vows you never found her out in any thing that was wrong, Sir Cha. So! she does not allow it to be wrong, then?-Madam, I tell you again, I know her thoroughly; I say, I have found ber out; and I ain now acquainted with her character. Mrs. Drug. Then you are in opposite stories she swears, my dear Mr. Drugget, the poor girl swears she never was guilty of the smallest infidelity to her husband in her born days. Sir Cha. And what then?-what if she does say so? Mrs. Drug. And if she says truly, it is hard her character should be blown upon without just cause. Sir Cha. And is she, therefore, to behave ill in other respects? I never charged her with infidelity to me, madam-there, I allow her inno cent, Drug. And did you not charge her, then? a Sir Cha. No-never-never. Drug But I say you did-you called yourself cuckold-Did not he, wife? Mrs. Drug. Yes lovey; I'm witness. Mrs. Drug. You did, indeed, sir. Mrs. Drug. Sir Cha. I said so, and what then? himself a cuckold, and without rhyme or reason Drug. There he owns it owns that he called into the bargain. Sir Cha. I never owned any such thing. Drug. You owned it even now-now—now— now Mrs. Drug. This very moment. Sir Cha. No, no; I tell you, no. Drug. This instant-Prove it: make your words good: shew me your horns, and if you can't, it is worse than suicide to call yourself a cuckold, without proof. Enter DIMITY, in a fit of laughing. Dim. What do you think it was all about? Ha ha! the whole secret is come out, ha! ha! It was all about a game of cards-Ho! ho! ho! Drug. A game of cards! Dim. [Laughing.] It was all about a club and [Runs out laughing, Drug. And was that all, Sir Charles? Sir Cha. And enough too, sir. a diamond. in? Drug. And was that what you found her out Sir Cha. I can't bear to be contradicted, when I am clear that I am in the right. Drug. I never heard of such a heap of nonsense in all my life. Woodley shall marry Nancy. Mrs. Drug. Don't be in a hurry, my love; this will all be made up. Drug. Why does he not go and beg her pardon, then? Sir Cha, I beg her pardon! I won't debase myself to any of you. I shan't forgive her, you may rest assured. [Erit. Drug. Now there, there's a pretty fellow for you! Mrs. Drug. I'll step and prevail on my Lady Nan. They marry one woman, live with another, and love only themselves. Drug. And then quarrel about a card. Nan. I don't want to be a gay lady. I want to be happy. Drug. And so you shall: don't fright yourself, child. Step to your sister, hid her make herself easy; go, and comfort her, go. Nan. Yes, sir. [Erit. Drug. I'll step and settle the matter with Mr. Woodley, this moment. [Erit. SCENE II.-Another Apartment. SIR CHARLES, with a pack of cards, at a table. Sir Cha. Never was any thing like her behaviour. I can pick out the very cards I had in my hand, and then 'tis as plain as the sun.There-there-now-there-no-damn it,no→ -there it was-now let me see-They had four by honours and we play'd for the odd trick, damnation! honours were divided-ay!-honours were divided, and then a trump was led, and the other side had the-confusion !--this preposterous woman has put it all out of my head. [Puts his cards into his pocket.] Mighty well, madam; I have done with you. Enter MRS. DRUGGET. Love. Ay! but my pretty little dear, that should engage your attention. To set off and adorn the charms that nature has given you, should be the business of your life. Nan. But as 1 have something else to do, you'll excuse my leaving you. [Exit. Love. I must have her, notwithstanding this: for tho' I am not in love, I am most confouudedly in debt. Enter DRUGGET. Drug. So, Mr. Lovelace! any news from above stairs? Is this absurd quarrel at an end? Have they made it up? Love. Oh! a mere bagatelle, sir: these little fracas never last long as you see; for here they come, in perfect good humour. Enter SIR CHARLES and LADY RACKETT. Lady Rac. All made, up, sir. I knew how to bring the gentleman to a sense of his duty. This is the first difference, I thing, we ever had, Sir Mrs. Drug. Sir Charles, let me prevail. Come Charles. with me and speak to her. Sir Cha. I don't desire to see her face. Mrs. Drug. If you were to see her all bath'd in tears, I am sure it would melt your very heart. Sir Cha. Madam it shall be my fault if ever I Am treated so again. I'll have nothing to say to her. [going, stops.] Does she give up the point? Mrs. Drug. She does, she agrees to any thing. Sir Cha. Does she allow that the club was the play? Mrs. Drug. Just as you please: she is all submission. Sir Cha. Does she own that the club was not the best in the house? Sir Cha. And I'll be sworn it shall be the last. Drug. I am happy now, as happy as a fond father can wish. Sir Charles, I can spare you an image to put on the top of your house in London. Sir Cha. Infinitely obliged to you. Drug. Well! well! its time to retire: I am glad to see you reconciled; and now I wish you a good night, Sir Charles. Mr. Lovelace, this is your way. Fare ye well both. I am glad your quarrels are at an end: this way Mr. Lovelace. [Exeunt DRUGGET and LOVELACE. Lady Rac. Ah! you are a sad man, Sir Charles, to behave to me as you have done. Sir Cha. My dear, I grant it: and such an absurd quarrel too-ha! ha! Lady Rac. Yes-ha! ha!-about such a trife. Sir Cha. It is pleasant how we could both fall into such an error. Ha! ba! Lady Rac. Ridiculous beyond expression! Ha! ba! Sir Cha. And then the mistake your father and mother fell into! Lady Rac. That too is a diverting part of the story. Ha ha!-But, Sir Charles, must I stay and live with my father till I grow as fantastical as his own evergreens? Sir Cha. Nay, pr'ythee don't remind me of my folly. Sir Cha. Well, now mind me, my Lady Rackett, we can now talk of this matter in good humour: we can discuss it coolly. Lady Rac. So we can-and it is for that reason I venture to speak to you. Are these the ruffles I bought for you? Sir Cha. They are, my dear. Lady Rac. They are very pretty. But indeed you played the card wrong. Sir Cha. No, no, listen to me; the affair was thus: Mr. Jenkins having never a club left— Lady Rac. Mr. Jenkins finessed the club. Sir Cha. [Peevishly.] How can you? Lady Rac. And trumps being all out— Sir Cha. And we playing for the odd trick Lady Rac. If you had minded your Lady Rac. Ah! my relations were all standing behind counters, selling Whitechapel nee-gamedles, while your family were spending great estates. Sir Cha. Spare my blushes: you see I am covered with confusion. Lady Rac. How could you say so indelicate a thing? I don't love you. Sir Cha. It was indelicate; I grant it. Lady Rac. Am I a vile woman? Sir Cha. How can you, my angel? Lady Rac. I shan't forgive you! I'll have you on your knees for this. [Sings and plays with him.]-Go naughty man.'-Ah! Sir Charles! Sir Cha. The rest of my life shall aim at convincing you how sincerely I love you. Lady Rac. [Sings.]' Go naughty man, I can't abide you'-Well! come, let us go to rest. [Going.] Ah! Sir Charles! now it's all over, the diamond was the play. Sir Cha. Oh no, no, no; now that one may speak, it was the club indeed. Lady Rac. Indeed my love, you are mis taken. Sir Cha. And the club being the best— Lady Rac. If you had led your diamondSir Cha. Mr. Jenkins would, of course, put on a spade. Lady Rac. And so the odd trick was sure. Speaking very fast & together. Sir Cha. Damnation! will you let me speak? Lady Rac. Very well, sir, fly out again. Sir Cha. Look here now: here is is a pack of cards. Now you shall be convinced. Lady Rac. You may talk till to-morrow, I know I am right. [Walks about. Sir Cha. Why then, by all that's perverse, you are the most headstrong-Can't you look here? here are the very cards. Lady Rac. Go on; you'll find it out at last. Sir Cha. Will you hold your tongue, or not? will you let me shew you?-Po! its all nonsense. [Puts up the cards.] Come, let's go to bed. [Going.] Only stay one moment. [Takes out the cards.] Now command yourself, and you shail have demonstration. Lady Rac. It does not signify, sir. Your head will be clearer in the morning. I chuse to go to bed. Sir Cha. Stay and hear me, can't you? Lady Rac. No; my head aches. I am tired of the subject. There, Sir Cha. Why then, damn the cards. and there, and there, [Throwing them about the room.] You may go to bed by yourself. Confusion seize me, if I stay here to be tormented a moment longer. [Putting on his shoes.] No; never, never, madam. Lady Rac. Take your own way, sir. Sir Cha. Now then I tell you once more, you are a vile woman. Lady Rac. Don't make me laugh again, Sir Charles. [Walks and sings. Sir Cha. Hell and the devil! Will you sit down quietly and let me convince you? Lady Rac. I don't chuse to hear any more about it. Sir Cha. Why then may I perish if ever-a blockhead, an idiot I was to marry. [Walks about.] Such provoking impertinence! [She sits down.] Damnation! I am so clear in the thing. She is not worth my notice-[Sits down, turns his back, and looks uneasy.] I'll take no more pains about it. [Pauses for some time, then Looks at her.] Is it not very strange, that you won't hear me? Lady Rac. Sir, I am very ready to hear you.. Sir Cha. Very well, then, very well; you remember how the game stood. [Draws his chair near her: Lady Rac. I wish you would untie my necklace, it hurts me. Sir Cha. Why can't you listen? Lady Rac. I tell you it hurts me terribly. Sir Cha. Death and confusion! [Moves his chair away.] there is no bearing this. [Looks at her angrily. It won't take a moment, if you will but listen. [Moves towards her.] Can't you see, that by forcing the adversary's hand, Mr. Jenkins would be obliged to Lady Rac.[Moving her chair away from him.] Mr. Jenkins had the best club, and never a diamond left. Sir Char. [Rising.] Distraction! Bedlam is not so mad. Be as wrong as you please, madam. May I never hold four by honours, may I lose every thing I play for, may fortune eternally forsake me, if I endeavour to set you right again. [Exit. Enter MR. and MRS. DRUGGET, WOODLEY, and NANCY. Mrs. Drug. Gracious! what's the matter now? Lady Rac. Such another man does not exist. I did not say a word to the gentleman, and yet he has been raving about the room, and storming like a whirlwind. Drug. And about a club again! I heard it all. Come hither, Nancy; Mr.Woodley, she is yours for life. Mrs. Drug. My dear, how can you be so pas sionate? SCENE I-A Room in SIR THEODORE GOOD- the mirth, especially when they know what kind CHILD'S House. Enter SIR THEODORE and CHARLOTTE. Char. Nay, there can be no harm in a little mirth, guardian, even those who happen to be the objects, must approve the justice of it. Sir T. But consider, Charlotte, what will the world say of me? will it not be in every mouth, that Sir Theodore Goodchild was a very imprudent man, in combining with his ward to turn her lovers into ridicule ! Char. Not at all, sir: the world will applaud of lovers they are; and that the sole motive of their addresses was the lady's fortune. Well, sure, since the days of giants and enchanted castles, no poor damsel has been besieged by such a group of odd mortals. Let me review my equipage of lovers!. the first upon the list is a beau Jew, who, in spite of nature and education, sets up for a wit, a gentleman, and a man of taste. Sir T..Aye, laugh at him as much as you will. Char. The next is a downright EnglishNewmarket, stable-bred gentleman jockey, who having ruined his finances by dogs, grooms, cocks, and horses, and such polite company, |