Ail. Don't talk to me; you want to send me to my grave -Dr. Last, pray come back! Enter DR. LAST. Dr. Last. [Fiercely to FRIENDLY.] Did you call me, sir? Friend. No, doctor, but Mr. Ailwould did. Dr. Last. Mr. Ailwould, I am not used politely here at all. Ail. Indeed, sir, it was not Dr. Last. I have given that there thing to ladies; nay, to children, that have been troubled with the worms, who never made a wry face, but licked their lips after it as pleasantly as if it had been so much treacle or sugar-candy. Ail. It was not I I have discovered secret interviews in my house, which some people don't think I've dis covered. Friend. I dare swear, brother, my neice has no attachment but to the gentleman I have mentioned to you in which case, yon have nothing to be angry with, all tending to the honourable purpose of marriage. Ail. I don't care for what you say I'll send her over to France; I am determined on it. Friend. There's somebody you want to please, brother, by that, I doubt. Ail. I know your meaning. sir; you're always harping upon the same strain. My wife is a strange hobgoblin in your eyes, brother. Friend. Yes, brother, since 'tis necessary to be plain with you, 'tis your wife, that I mean; and Dr. Last. And when I took the trouble of I can no more bear your ridiculous fondness for coming myself— Ail. Twas he Dr. Last. In my own chariot————— Dr. Last. Without demanding nothing extraordinary for my trouble-I have a good mind not to marry your daughter! Ail. I tell you it was all my brother; it was, upon my word and credit-But give me the cordial; and, to make you amends, I'll take double the quantity. Friend. Are you mad? Dr. Last. No, he's not-I insist upon his taking it for the honour of my medicine-And if you don't take a glass, too, you shall hear further from me. Friend. Very well, doctor; I fear your sword less than your poison. Dr. Lust. O, ay, poison, poison, we shall see whether it's poison. Ail. Give it to me, doctor. Ail. Pray, now, brother, let me prevail upon you, in compliment to the doctor Friend. Nay, good brother, don't be absurd. Dr. Last. Now I'm satisfied; and I'll call upon you again in an hour. [Exit DR. LAST. Enter PRUDEnce. Ail. Prudence! Ail. Get me my armed chair here-Its inconceivable what a warmth this medicine diffuses all over my body. her, than that you have for physic; nor endure to see you run hand over-head into all the snares she lays for you. Pru. O, dear sir, don't speak so of my ladyshe's a woman, that nobody can say any thing against; a woman without the least grain of artifice or design, and loves my master !—there's no saying how much she loves him. Ail. Ay, only ask her how excessive fond she is of me. Pru. Most excessive! Ail. How much concern my illness gives her. Ail. And the care and pains she takes about me. Ail. As how, Prudence? Pru. Hark! my lady is just returned. Do you step into the next room there-stretch yourself out, and feign yourself dead: he may slip into the closet; I'll set the doors open, and you'll see what violent grief she'll be in, when I tell her the news. Ail. Hey-hum!-I profess I have a mind to take her advice-but, no; I can never bear to hear the shrieks and lamentations she'll make over me; and yet, 'twill be a comfort to me to hear them too, to feel her virtuous tears bedew my face, and her sweet lips kissing my cheeks a thousand times, to bring me back again to life: and her-Ah, verily, I'll do it; verily, I'll do it; Friend. Well, but, brother, did not you hear and then, sir, what will become of your fine surDr. Last say just now, that he was in doubt whe-mises?-But, Prudence, art thou not afraid, ther he would marry your daughter or not? and that her very thinking me dead will break her after so slighting an expression, surely you will heart? not persist in your design! but let me talk to you of this gentleman who wishes to have my niece. Ail. No, brother, if Dr. Last won't have her, I'll send her to France, and put her into a convent; I am sure she has an amorous inclination for somebody: and to let you know, Pru. To be sure, sir, if you should keep her in her fright too long. Ail. O, let me alone for that; I'll make the experiment this very minute; this very minute. But is there no danger in feigning one's self dead! Pru. No, no; what danger should there be? 'Tis only shutting your eyes, and stretching your- [Exeunt AILWOULD and FRIENDLY. Enter MRS. AILWOULD. Friend. Your servant, madam. Mrs. Ail. Lord! my dear, I'm so disappointed so pleased, I mean, and so frightened-This wicked girl told me you were dead. Ail. Yes, and a fine oration you pronounced over me! Mrs. Ail. Nay, but, my dear, this is the most unreasonable thing-[Turning to FRIENDLY some slight conversation, that I have had with my maid here, which Mr. Ailwould takes in a wrong sense: but, I dare swear, when he has Oh! Heavens! Oh! fatal misfortune! what a considered the matter a little, he will think difstrange accident is this! Mrs. Ail. What's the matter, Prudence? Mrs. Ail. What is it? what do you mean by blubbering, pr'ythee? Pru. My master's dead, madam. Pru. [Sobbing.] Ye-ye-yes. Pru. Too sure, alas! No body yet knows any thing of this accident: There was not a soul but myself to help him; he sunk down in my arms, and went off like a child- -See there, madam, he lies stretched out in the next room. Mrs. Ail. Now, Heaven be praised!-What a simpleton art thou to cry? Pru. Cry, ma'am! why, I thought we were to cry? ferently. Ail. Get out of my sight, get out of my sight! Mrs. Ail. Well, but, lovely, let me explain the matter to you. Ail. I'll never hear a word from you again as long as I live. Mrs. Ail. Nay, sir, if you bear yourself so haughtily, you'll find me a match for you. It is not to-day, my dear, I am to learn, that your brain is full of maggots; however, you shall call me more than once before I come back to you, I assure you. [Exit. Ail. Ďid you ever hear such an impudent creature? Od's my life, with what an air she carried it! But do'st think she was in earnest, Prudence? Pru. Troth, do I, sir. Mrs. Ail. And for what, pray! I know of no Friend. Come, brother, to tell you the plain loss he is-Was he of any use upon earth? A truth, Prudence devised this method in order to man troublesome to all the world; odious in his open your eyes to your wife's perfidy-She has person; disgusting in his manners; never with-long deceived you with a show of false tenout some filthy medicine in his mouth, or his sto- derness, but now you see her in her genuine comach; continually coughing, hawking, and spit-lours. ting; a tiresome, peevish, disagreeable monster! Pru. An excellent funeral sermon, truly! [Aside. Mrs. Ail. Prudence, you must assist me in the execution of my design; and you may depend upon it, I will amply reward your services. Since, by good fortune, no one is yet apprised of this accident, beside ourselves, let us keep his death a secret a few day, till I have been able to settle my affairs on a sure foundation: there are papers and money of which I would possess myself-Nor, indeed, is it just, that all I have suffered with him living should not be rewarded by some advantage at his death. Pru. To be sure, madam. Mrs. Ail. In the mean time, I'll go and secure his keys, for I know he has a considerable sum of money in his scrutoire, which he received yesterday. Ail. I profess my eyes were dazzled, and all my senses confused; I know not what I either hear or see: but, in the first place, I renounce physic Enter NANCY and HARGRAVE. Pru. Lord! sir, here's Miss Nancy and Mr. Hargrave. Nan. Dear papa, what's the matter? Ail. The matter, child! I don't know, child. [Seeing HARGRAVE.] What brings you here, sir? I propose as a match for your daughter; and, Friend. This, brother, is the young gentleman after what I have said, and what has happened, I hope you will no longer refuse to listen to his pretensions. you, is your total ignorance of the medicinal dil. Why, really, sir, my chief objection to art; if you can think of any method to remove that Har. I must own, sir, I'm afraid I'm rather too far advanced in life to make any progress in so deep and abstracted a study. Ail. Why, with regard to the more capital branches, I grant you; but in the subaltern of fices, I'm of a contrary opinion: Suppose, now, you were to bind yourself apprentice for a year or two to some skilful apothecary? surely, in that time you might learn to decypher a prescription, and make up a medicine with a very few blunders. Har. D'ye think so, sir? Ail. You might, indeed, now and then, give a dose of arsenic for salts; but that's an accident might happen to the oldest practioner. Friend. Ah, brother, brother, what's this I hear! It was but this moment you were determined to renounce physic, and here you are talking as warmly and absurdly about it as ever! Dr. Last. O, don't think to humbug me so! Ail. What are they doing here? Friend. Within there; seize this fellow. Dr. Last. Liberty-I'm a free-born Briton, in my native city-If any one lays a finger upon me, I'll put him into the crown-office. Friend. Ay, but we'll put you into Newgate first-Carry him before a justice! I'll go and be a witness. Pru. Ay, and so will I. Dr. Last. [In a great passion.] Well, but stay: let me go a bit-What will you be a witof? Pru. That you poisoned my master. Ail. Eh! It's very true, indeed, brother.— However, let it suffice, I give the young man my daughter without any conditions at all: Andness now I'll go and get effectually rid of that other plague, my wife; for I shall not be easy, while we are under the same roof. [Exit. Friend. If we can't cure him of his love for drugs, we have done nothing. Nan. I doubt, sir, that will be impossible. Friend. Hist, here comes Dr. Last-I'll take the opportunity of your father's absence to have some sport with him; put on melancholy countenances, and take your cues from me. Pru. I know what you'd be at, sir, and I'll second you. Enter DR. LAST. Friend. We'll prove it. Dr. Last. It's a fictitious report; for, to let you see the difference now-what I gave him was nothing in the world but a little chalk and vinegar; and, if it could do him no good, it could do him no harm. Ail. And so, sirrah, this is the way you take people in Your famous cordial, then, is chalk and vinegar? Dr. Last. What! Mr. Ailwould, aren't you dead? Ail. No, sirrah? but no thanks to you for that-so, get you out of my house, or I'll chalk Dr. Last. Mr. Ailwould, where are you? I and vinegar you with a vengeance, you pretendhave brought you some of my essence of cucum-ing, quacking, cheating ber, by way of a taste. Friend. O, Dr. Last, you are come! your servant, sir, I'm glad to see you. Dr. Last. Sir, I'm obliged to you-Where is Mr. Ailwould? Friend. Where is he, sir ? Dr. Last. Aye; because I wants to speak to him. Friend. Hold, sir, no more of your stuff! Dr. Last. Well, then, let me go and feel his pulse. Friend. Nor that neither shan't ; you go near him: but we insist upon your telling us what you gave him out of your vial just now! Dr. Last. How! tell you my secret-A bookseller offered me a thousand pounds for it. Har. A bookseller offered you a thousand pounds! That may be, sir, but Mr. Ailwould died a few minutes after you administered it; we, therefore, take it for granted, that it has poisoned him; and, unless you prove very clearly to the contrary, we shall consider you as his murderer, and treat you accordingly. Dr. Last. Don't strike me! Ail. I'll break every bone in your skin, if you get out of my house. don't Friend. Nay, brother Dr. Last. My own chariot's below. Ail. A cart, a wheel-barrow for such scoun so I an't! for he kissed me too, and I never said Ia word of it. Friend. Well, my dear, he's to be married to your sister now. Pol. Is he?—And won't you get somebody to marry me, papa? You have been promising me a husband a great while, and I'm tired of old John, the butler. Ail. Ay, my dear, I dare swear you'll lose no time-But, come, brother, let us now go in-[ have got rid of my wife-I have forsworn quacks and physic-and I hope I shall have the satisfaction to see our friends contented. [Exeunt omnes, SCENE I.-An apartment in the seraglio; a throne, in manner of a couch, with a canopy, in the front of which is an escutcheon fixed, with the Ottoman arms crowned with feathers; in the back scenes the Sultan's door covered with a curtain. Enter OSMYN and ELMIRA. you back to Georgia, you did not avail yourself of his generosity. Elm. True; but his munificence, and, above all, the tenderness and love he expressed to me since, have reconciled me to this place, and I vainly thought my charms could have attached him to me. Osm. Why then complain? You still possess his heart. Already you have been twice honour Osm. Tell me, what right have you to be dis-ed with the imperial handkerchief. contented? Elm. When first I came within these walls, I found myself a slave; and the thoughts of being shut up for ever here, terrified me to death: my tears flowed incessantly. Solyman was moved with them, and solemnly promised to restore me to my liberty, my parents, and my country. Osm. And yet, when the Sultan agreed to send Elm. His heart! does not this place contain a hundred beauties, who equally share his love? Tell the Sultan I'm determined, and ready to accept the first opportunity of returning to my friends and country. Osm. I shall procure you an answer this morning-But, hark! the Sultan approaches. [Exit ELMIRA. |