LANE AND GARDEN. COLONEL MAPLESON wisely retired with his Company on Monday last rather than incur a disastrous loss. The Colonel is an old soldier, and his plan of campaign included the probability of such a mischance when there were in the field two distinct an tagonistic forces, in the operatic army of OH, THE JUBILEE! "Per te d'IMMENSO GIUBILO," &c. Lucia di Lammermoor, Chorus, Act II. Signor LAGO-already victorious-and the vast forces at the disposition of General AUGUSTUS DRURIOLANUS. But the Colonel, though he has warily retreated, is still undefeated, and sounds the trumpet for another attack, which is announced for Thursday next. Success to the veteran warrior! Whether AUGUSTUS in tended to take the town by storm with Aïda, is a matter which the result has left uncertain. The Orchestra, under the baton of FieldMarshal MANCINELLI was grand, glorious, and enough to blow off the heads of an audience. Of course Aïda is a noisy opera, and when the voices aren't sufficiently powerful, it is as well to make up for quality with a quantity of wind and string. But here there was quality-good quality, too, as far as the chorus and most of the principals went, and even the weakest of these came out uncommonly well in a chorus. 66 If ensemble were to be the strength of Opera Druriolana, then the public will say to AUGUSTUS IMPERATOR, what Box said to Cox, Then give us a chorus." But this should not be so, as in his Signori PANDOLFINI, MIRANDA, NAVARRINI, and the French Tenore Robusto-" Robusto, toi que j'aime!"-JEAN DE RESZKE,-romantic name quite the title of an Opera in itself-he has what Mrs. RAMSBOTHAMuld call "The Elephants of success." 8. One Company, having got the start, has kept well ahead, and that ALBANI and GAYARRÉ are the favourites, and will bring in Covent Garden first at the end of the season. Opera will pay, two won't. Why doesn't the Musical Millionnaire, Madame PATTI, come forward, and, out of mere love of Music, start a Company of her own, paying first-rate salaries, and being a naturalised Welshwoman, ready to show what "gallant little Wales" can do, ready to take the profits as her share, or nothing, since she is well able to stand the loss of a few thousands, if loss there could ever be with the proverbially lucky diva. That she, our Dinorah, our Aida, our Rosina, our several other things, should be out of it, is "the pity of it," and, if she liked, she could put it all right. This is a suggestion from T'OTHER FELLOW. P.S.-"In this hot weather, after the Opera is over, a cold something in aspic, or a deliciously fresh lobster, washed down with whatever your particular weakness may be"But one of my rules is never to sup." "Then," we say, go to our RULE'S for an exception." It's worth the last quarter of an hour of any Opera. Verb. sap. Not with the scent of battle, or the taint Making the sick air faint Is not the martial pomp that tyrants love, No purchased shout of slaves the shamed air rends; Peace's white-pinion'd dove Might perch upon those banners unafraid, The shackled forces here are thralls of Art and Trade. Titans beneficent that in the train Of peaceful progress walk with willing feet, boast Of indiscriminate self-eulogy Rings from our lips, or from the loyal host From every land and sea Who gather, drawn by kinship's gentle cords, As heroes flocked of old to the fierce feast of swords. The hands that wave in jubilant acclaim Could, at stern need, clench close upon the hilt; But England yearns to build a nobler name Not on the conqueror's guilt, The iron ruler's raw and ruthless might, But on the patient potent faith in love and right. That were a triumph which might fire our souls And shake our steeples with the joy-bells' Straining to that most glorious of goals Were the realm's olive-crown of deathless Is not this Peaceful Triumph foretaste fair Ring unconstrained rejoicing on your way, sway. Just, pure, and gentle, yet of steadfast will When high occasion calls and honour pricks! With such a soul our Commonwealth should thrill, That, that alone shall fix Our rule in rock-like safety, and maintain Free way for England's flag o'er the windwinnowed main. Clang bells, cheer Britons, clamour voices sweet gay, Of English womanhood in chorus clear! In the proud service of the conquering brain, Flood with a sea of faces the grey street, Loyally strong and fleet; Of Babylon the drear! With calm-eyed Science, and with white- The flower-pied meadow-world is scarce more robed Health, [day. The unarmed champions of the new Common-Than the thronged city vistas on this festal wealth. A galaxy of girlish eyes gleams bright And blue as hyacinth clumps amidst the grass, Where'er in the huge Capital's full sight, Man's ringing cheer and woman's radiant This pageantry shall pass. smile, Unarmed with tools of slaughter, yet of strength To shake the phalanx and to blunt the Signora (why "Sa?" as she's German?-but no matter) MILA KÜPFER-BERGER may be all that is required as a "Prima Donna Drammatica" by the audience of the Teatro Real at Madrid, but the audience of the still more real Theatre at Drury Lane, want something more than dramatic talent, which didn't seem very over-powering,-in an Opera. The make-up and costume of the Donna Drammatica as Aida was curiously suggestive of one of the Huntresses of the O Wild West Show, and some ignoramuses seeing Mr. FOLEY-we mean Signor FOLI-in the stalls, mistook him, on account of the Of length of his locks and his drooping mous- And tache, for BUFFALO BILL himself, who they thought was present to encourage the performance of one of his troupe. On the same night, at Covent Garden, Lohengrin was given, with ALBANI and GAYARRÉ; and though the Opera to nonWagnerites is somewhat tedious (and the heat was trying to audiences everywhere), yet there can be little doubt that the Covent Garden spear. QUEEN! the loyal land through all its length Breaks into one wide cheer patriot rejoicing on this day, hails your Peaceful Triumph winding its calm way. Triumph! Shall we not triumph who have seen Those fifty years round on from sun to From snow to sun, since when, a girlish QUEEN In that far June-tide's glow, Speak love for England's QUEEN and our dear sea-girt Isle. And Punch whose memory scans those fifty [days, years, Whose patriot forecast broods o'er coming Smiles with the smiling throngs, and lifts his cheers, With those the people raise, And prays that firmer faith, spirit more free, May date from this proud day of jocund Jubilee. ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday Night, June 13.-When new office created for KING-HARMAN in connection with Irish Government, every body wanted to know Why? Nobody answered. Now secret out. KING-HARMAN made Parliamentary Secretary to Irish Government in order that he might deliver the perfectly delicious answer about ambulatory crowbar which convulsed House to-night. "Is it true," CONYBEARE asked, "that at the Bodyke Evictions a bailiff threw a crowbar through a wall ?" No, Sir," said KING-HARMAN, drawing himself up to full height, and steadily confronting querist, "no such occurrence happened. What is true is, that on one occasion a crowbar slipped from the bailiff's hand, and entered the house through an aperture in the wall." Shouts of laughter, amid which KING-HARMAN stood immovable. When uproar partially subsided, he added, "It was purely accidental, and did not occur a second time." Disposition on part of Irish Members to resent ARTHUR BALFOUR's practice of leaving questions to be answered by his subordinate. If KING-HARMAN can go on this way, there will be no further question of the arrangement. "Put a penny in, and the figure will move." 66 At last House resumed Committee on Coercion Bill, the movement being signal for general Exodus. Almost alone GLADSTONE sat on Front Bench with Bill in one hand and copy of Amendments in other, eagerly comparing them. Everyone else, not excluding the indomitable TIM, wearied with the worn-out theme. Leaders of the Government abdicated, leaving Treasury Bench in possession of Irish ATTORNEY-GENERAL, SOLICITOR-GENERAL, and CHIEF SECRETARY. Even JOHN MORLEY, most assiduous attendant upon House, had given himself rest. The Irish Camp half empty, and the Benches opposite tenantless. And here was GLADSTONE, leaning forward, with elbows on knees, Bill in one hand, and Amendments in the other, as eagerly scanning them as if he had but just discovered this new fount of delight. ARTHUR BALFOUR looked across the table at him with perceptible increase of interest. "What on earth can he find interesting in the beastly Bill ?" he muttered, and, settling himself forward another inch, went to sleep. "Curious thing," says WILFRID LAWSON, "how Irish Secretaryship diversely affects different men. It ruined FORSTER's health and temper; it turned TREVELYAN's hair grey; it gave an added tone of placidity to CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN'S imperturbability; and it makes ARTHUR BALFOUR sit more and more recklessly on his spine. Fancy, before Bill is reported, he'll have accomplished his heart's desire, and be able to sit upon the blades of his shoulders." Business done.-Very little. No prospect of more pending compulsory conclusion of Committee Stage on Friday. All owing to the Jubilee. So, till Jubilee is over, shall move my own Adjournment. ROBERT ON THE JUBILEE. More pegging away at Coercion Bill in Committee. Settled that at Ten o'clock on Friday, "SHADES OF EVENING."-" What to do with your hands," is whatever Amendments to whatever num- always a difficulty for amateurs, for débutants in Society, and for ber of Clauses remain unsettled shall be nervous persons. If anyone would learn what to do with his hands, run through forthwith, and Committee let him call in one evening at the Pavilion and see Professor TREWEY stage accomplished. That being so, BAR- (he used to exhibit at the Alhambra) make a "galanty show," out TLEY, who looks in on his way home after of his two hands. Wonderful and immensely amusing, especially on having founded another Penny Bank, a hot evening, which is warm in the well-ventilated Pavilion. It is wants to know what's the use of wasting well worth seeing, and anyone visiting the place will find our words time? TIM HEALY, who has discovered verified, we mean Trewey-fied. in facial aspect of the Member for Islington resemblance to one of those automatic figures which moves when a penny is inserted in the open mouth, tells him to go away and mind his own business. As for Irish Members, they intend to ignore Resolution of Saturday morning. Will discuss Clauses line by line and word by word as before. If on Friday Government like to rush through without discussion any Clauses that may remain, the consequence be on their head. Penny Bank BARTLEY is conjured to put that in his pipe and smoke it;" which he, metaphorically, does, and goes his way. JOHN MANNERS back to-night, after a bout of illness. House delighted to see him. Cheer enthusiastically when he rises, blushing, to answer question. House justly proud of the picturesque old man, almost last surviving link with Young England days. Business done.-Coercion Bill in Committee. Tuesday.-Shadow of the coming Jubilee lies heavy on House. Various questions discussed; but Jubilee always reasserts itself. Many questions about Grand Stand in Parliament Square. Seats not to be reserved and numbered, it appears. GEORGE CAMPBELL sternly asks,Are we to understand that Ladies are to scramble for their places ?" "I hope," said that preux chevalier, PLUNKET, with a pained look at the enormity of the suggestion, "that Ladies do not scramble." Clear through the grating in the cage over the Press Gallery, came the whisper, "What a nice man!" WELL, all I can say is, if we're to have many more Jewbillys such as this here one during the nex year or two, they will have to get a rayther younger Head Waiter than me to look after matters, so as to keep 'em strate. With all my long xperience, I never know'd sitch a time for eating and drinking and speechifying. First it's a grand lunch, hot and hurley, at a Livery Company's All; then it's sitch a dinner as few people as ewer had the chance of heating, at the Grand Metropoll; and then a Ball and supper for a few thousand gesteses, at which they all eats and drinks as if they had nothink to speak of all day! Thems wot had occurd, and will occur again has on Thurssday nex; and as we has to prepare for about five thousand wisiters to a Ball at Gildhall, and sitch a supper as nobody carnt give except the honerd Copperashun, at what time can I reasonably expec to reach my downy and wirtuous couch? And ewen that isn't all, for my old friends the Jiners has fixt on the werry next day for a heckscursion, on bord the "Maria Wood" City Barge, and of course they insists on having me as ushal, coz I knows their little ways, and the partickler brands of Shampane as they likes. Well, if sum of us tumble asleep falls overboard, and is drownded in the foaming bilis off Monkey Iland, all I can say is, it won't be suicide, but overdun uooty. Of all the warious ways of sillybrating a Jewbilly as I've herd on up to now, I thinks as the Livery Company's is about the best. They not only asks lots of people to cum to dinner, and gives lots of money to their Poor, but they presents theirselves with bootiful reel Gold deckorations to show their loyalty to the QUEEN in a senserble sort of way. One company has given theirselves all butifool gold pencil-cases, another has given theirselves butifool gold deckorations to wear in their coats on Sherrymonial occasions, and then has a grand Lady's party on purpos to show 'em off; wile a third has given theirselves, ewery one of 'em, butiful gold five-pound pieces as has just been made in the Mint. Ah, that's what I calls common sense, and no nonsense; for wen it's all over, and the luminations have all been put out, and the fireworks all gorn off, and the werry last grand dinner eaten and thoroly digested, and paid for, they will still have sumthink left, of that loveliest of all colours, pure gold of 15 carrots, to keep the Jewbilly in their fond remembrance. GARDNER wanted to know how long the streets would be kept open for Members' carriages, and Alderman FOWLER, twice Lord Mayor of London, posed PLUNKET with inquiry as to what was to be done with Members' carriages when they had arrived and set down their I shood think if there's one class of peeple more than another, who fare? JOHN DILLON gave new ought to cash up pretty hansum for all the warious ways as kind turn to conversation by sug-frends suggests for sillybrating the Jewbilly, it's the Doctors, for I gesting that House should sit rayther thinks as they'll be having a high time of it. both at the on Jubilee Day; at which suggestion WINTER BOTHAM, Q.C., with a West End and in the City, for the nex munth or so. What we jolly rose in his button-hole, audibly smiled. waiters calls the Livery complaint, will be pretty nearly universal. "Smiles audibly." But a trewse to such sollem professys on this festiv occashun. If a peace, witch I s'pose is about as much as anybody will trust you. there must be a skeleton in the cupboard, lock in him and lose the I bent my heagle glance upon him, but he didn't shrink, and so we key, and forget all about him. There's one thing as seems rayther parted; and I don't mind confessing as I have hacted on his hint; hard upon us perfeshnal gents. Ewerybody is to be made appy and for though of course it carnt be true, yet it might be, and my xcuse cumferal for a hole fortnite, princes and princesses, and perlicemen for not paying my little bills is, what I hear everybody else say, and poor paupers, and ewen prisoners, all alike is to rejoice, and be namely, that times is so bad that I find it difficult to make both ends happy and to be thankfull, all, all, with ony one xception, and what meet, speshally when one is so werry much shorter than the other. a xception! Hus! Yes, we as is so necessary a part of a bankwet, that it wood be simply ridicklus to attempt to have one without us, we, as has so much to do during the nex few weeks as, when I ony thinks of it, fills me with haw! we who is the loyalest and most conservatiffest of men, are to sillybrate the QUEEN's Jewbilly by workin arder than ever! The ony peace of sunshine as I have heard on to briten us up to the performance of our hextra one duties is the roomer that all our fees is to be dubbled, and shabby sixpences is for the nex few weeks, to be reserved for Charity Sermons. As there ain't enuff room in Buckenham Palace for all HER MAJESTY'S Royal Gests, I'm harf promised a engagement at wun of the Hotels where sum on em is a going for to stop, so I may posserbly realise the one great wish of my art, and have to hand a dish of taters or sumthink to a King! The simple thort busts me out into a perfuse prespiration, speshally when I remember that His Majesty may praps say summut to me in Russian or Austrian-and then where shood I be? We waiters held a privet and confidenshal meeting larst week to consult about matters that ain't nothink to noboddy till they is rewealed, as they will wun day be. Well, at that Meeting, one of our most risingest young chaps, not above forty, acshally had the wulgar bad taste to say, as he wondered, as amost everybody was a doing sumthink for the QUEEN, what the QUEEN was a going to do for amost everybody! Well, the skream of horror with which his owdacious sentiment was received was somethink as he won't soon forget. How I hears as a good many other Boards is a going to foller the bold xample of the Assylums Board, and send their congraterlations to HER MAJESTY, and conklude with saying that they thinks as it would be a werry nice return for the complement if HER MAJESTY Would kindly Night their Cheerman! That seems to have struck a good many others besides me about as cool a thing as is to be heard of in this hot weather. as I'm told that among the shoals of honners as is about to be showered on the hungry xpectants, there was two of a rayther staggering character, namely Dookdom for the Prime Minister, and a Nighthood for his great rival, and that both has been I declined with thanks. How werry difficult it is to please sum people! I have found, strange to say, a werry great difference of opinion about the Jewbilly. All stingy peeple, and all quiet peeple, as hates what they calls a fuss, and all the sneerin and illnatured peeple, which is a werry numerous body, is ded against it, but on the hother hand, all the hopefool, and all the jolly fellers, and all the Ladies, bless 'em! and all their dressmakers, and all the Shampain peeple is dead for it. The shining loyalty of the Gas Shareholders is werry creditable to 'em, and the efferwessing loyalty of the Pollynaris peeple is quite refreshing. I don't know when the nex one is to be held, but I spose it will be sum time fust, for when I wentured to surgest as the elumination gasfittings should be kep up till that time, to save xpense, there was quite a roar of larfter, said as he thort that I was a rum un, tho I'm sure I don't know Sweeper (surprised at receiving a Shilling). ""THANK YER 'ONOUR, AN' MAY THE BLISSED and BROWN acshally SAINTS PAY YER BACK A THOUSAND THOIMES!" City Croesus (having "done the sum "). "PHOOUGH! ON'Y FIFTY POUNDS!" sad it seems to see a yung feller, as mite one day praps become an Hed Waiter, a running off the line, and a kicking over the traces and taking the downward path as most suttenly leads to a Corffee Shop! Well, after the Meeting, BROWN and me was a warking home together, when he says to me, says he, "Do you know, ROBERT, I've bin told as the QUEEN has sum idear of doing what that yung donkey surgested, and that is, to pay all the dets as ewerybody ows which is under £5 why he shood have made such a werry imperent remark. However there's one thing as is clear enuff to my mind, wiz., that whether they bees of one sort or of the other, favorable or the rewerse to Eluminations and Fireworks, stingy or liberal, good or bad or middling in all other matters, they all jines hartily, and sincerely and ewen effecshunately, in the one grand prayer, GOD SAVE THE QUEEN! ROBERT. UBILICON is an entirely New and Dean, who has undertaken, on behalf JUBniversal food. JUBILICON contains all the Nutritive Properties of Soup, Fish, Joint, two Entrées, Sweets, Vegetables, and Cheese. UBILICON creates a perfect furore in a Ju menagerie. UBILICON is immensely relished by the Rhinoceros. JUBI UBILICON infallibly delights the Baby. JU UBILICON forms an excellent Dog JBiscuit. UBILICON can, with confidence, be set OYAL ANNIVERSARY BOX will before Epicures. OYAL ANNIVERS ROYAL UBILICON may be taken before daybreak. JUB ROYAL guests. OYAL ANNIVERSARY SOAP.-An R JUBILICON, mixed with Dublin Stout, affords an admirable Porridge. UBILICON mingled with Ink, produces truly marvellous. My face which was a dusky brown is now a creamy white. Nobody knows me." is desirous of contributing to the general gala rejoicing at the proposed universal illumination, on the occasion of Her Most Gracious MAJESTY's Jubilee, and has purchased a box containing ten of Price's Night Lights, one of which he intends to utilise for the purpose, would be thankful to anyone who would advise him how to display it to the best advantage. Whether it should be over the hall-door, or in the drawing-room balcony, or placed conspicuously in the attic-window. Advertiser will be thankful for any hints to guide him in the settlement of his problem. Address, BLAZER, Flare St., Hackney Wick. of a Local Bankrupt Committee, to celebrate the occasion of Her Most Gracious MAJESTY'S Jubilee by roasting an ox, giving a dinner to 300 aged people, and providing tea and fireworks for 5,000 children, will be obliged by any Expert, who has had a similar experience, informing him how he is to set about the undertaking with the sum of £4 138. 7d., all the available capital he has in hand subscribed for the purpose. He will also be obliged for any information that will enlighten him as to the proper method of roasting an entire ox at once, if he finds himself in a position to purchase one. The Advertiser is ignorant as to the proper method of proceeding with the performance. He wishes particularly to be informed whether the creature should be cooked in its skin over a bonfire, which he opines must cause a good deal of waste, or trimmed by a Butcher, and spitted on a traction-engine, and exposed to the heat of several kitchen ranges temporarily set up on the Vicarage lawn for the purpose. Any solution of the above rather disquieting problems will be gratefully received by the Revd. X.. The Vicarage, Swampham-onStroke, Herts. UBILEE BOARDER.-A Member of a Central Reception Committee, who finds he has left on his hands a distinguished Indian Chief, who has somehow not been included in the list of Royal Invitations to Buckingham Palace, is desirous of finding a quiet home for him for a fortnight, where he could enjoy the advantages of domestic supervision, coupled with such liberty in seeing the chief sights of the Metropolis as might be found compatible with his social proclivities. As he enters a Drawing-room with a double back somersault, descends the stairs with a war-dance, and would like, if possible, the run of a neighbouring square on a Buck-jumping cab-horse, an aged and lonely couple, living in a retired suburb, who wished to enliven their declining years by the introduction of a little novelty and excitement into their household arrangements, would find this an eligible opportunity. As the Chief's food consists of a raw tripe breakfast, an early lunch-dinner of Bison steak, while he takes five o'clock tea in a watering-pot, the character of the cuisine would be no great object. Is quite contented with a shake-down on a couple of coal-sacks in the front area. The Advertiser will supply strait-waistcoat, handcuffs, leg-chains and padlock complete, for taking him out to dinner, which can always be managed most conveniently in an empty furniturevan. Five 3-lb. pots of paint, for fulldress purposes, would also be thrown in. Might, with a little humouring, be introduced as a feature into some local Music Hall entertainment. Apply to "Red Tailed Fire Escape "" care of Agent, Bagstone's Menagerie, Mile End. NOTICE.-Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception. 1 |