[JULY 2, 1887.

OUR DRAWING-ROOM PETS.

(We give the Colonies a Turn.)

KANGAROO JIM, THE CHAMPION AUSTRALIAN BOOMERANG-THROWER, IS RAPIDLY BECOMING THE IDOL OF OUR MOST EXCLUSIVE LONDON CIRCLES (TO THE INTENSE AMUSEMENT OF HIS NATIVE MELBOURNE, WHERE HE IS ONLY KNOWN TO SOCIETY IN HIS PUBLIC CAPACITY OF PROFESSIONAL STREET ACROBAT.)

N.B.-KANGAROO JIM'S ADVENTUROUS YOUTH WAS SPENT IN THE COOKABOO ISLANDS, AND HE OWNS TO HAVING FREQUENTLY PARTAKEN OF ROAST MISSIONARY THERE; INDEED HE DESCRIBES THESE BANQUETS WITH INIMITABLE GUSTO, AND SEEMS NOT A LITTLE PROUD OF HIS CULINARY SKILL.

BACK TO BUSINESS.

Leo Britannicus loquitur.

:

WHOOF! Well, I am glad it's all over,
Well over, and over so well.

It was worth while abandoning "clover"
For Trafalgar Square or Pall Mall.
By thunder, I hadn't a notion

How youthful I was, and how green,
Till I thrilled with contagious emotion
To 66 God Save the Queen!"

A cynical coldness the vogue is,
And yet my most dandified cubs
Combined with the buffers and fogies
Who thronged the hotels and the Clubs
To crowd for the handiest places
On that the great Jubilee Day,
And yell, until red in their faces,
A British "Hooray!!!"

Let pedants make mock of the yellers,
I fancy the Jubilee shows
The town is more full of "
good fellers"

Than modish omniscience knows.

Their notions nubibustic,

But this is abundantly clear,

That Britishers, urban or rustic,
Still know how to cheer.

A crowd more good-tempered and jolly
Has never stood hour after hour,

66

With scarcely a sun-shade or
Beneath a broad sun at full power.
brolly,"
The help those brave "Bobbies" afforded
Was noble, and free from all blame,
And if they are not fitly rewarded,

I

say it's a shame.

Those Ambulance chaps, too, were splendid!
The gentle and vigilant way

In which on the crowd they attended
Was one of the sights of the day.
Bravo, Sirs! When multitudes muster,
Such help, unconstrained and unfee'd,
Prompt, kind, without red-tape or fluster,
Is service indeed.

Illuminate? Rather! My pockets

Were plumbed pretty well. What a sight,
When lanterns, and beacons and rockets
Made brilliant the Jubilee night!
Big bonfires, the lavish employment

Of fireworks, some dolts deem a bore;
With a view to the people's enjoyment,
I wish there'd been more!

However, it's over, and now, Sirs,
To business I'm going to see,

I must doff my fine Jubilee trousers,
My mane and my tail must flow free.
These frolics have been "
Which statecraft and trade did not shirk,
a big order,"
(E'en the Times flourished forth with a
But now, boys-to work!
[border)

66

66

A PRESCRIPTION.

To those who are becoming rather tired of hearing "Oh, what a Surprise!" and Oh, the Jubilee!" we would suggest some Continent via Holland, Flushing with delight Fresh Air. There are two Jubilee StationsQueenborough," whence you can reach the en route. But nearer and cheaper are Westgate, Margate, and Ramsgate, the first of which (Mr. Punch's own seaside resort) can be reached by the jaded Londoner on Sunday morning in one hour and a half, starting from Victoria (L. C. & D. Line) at the reasonable hour of 10:30 A.M., and Holborn Viaduct 10 25, Ramsgate in two hours. Lovely! No air ever Margate in an hour and three-quarters, and composed by MOZART, HAYDN (the original of Oh, what a Surprise!" called " Surprise"), BEETHOVEN, MEYERBEER Haydn's LESSERBEER, or BALFE, or any other genius, can ever equal the exhilarating, recuperating air of the Isle of Thanet. advice is not to be neglected with impunity. Dr. Punch's Try it.

66

or

The "Never saw

A CARD-PLAYER'S NOTE. such a lot of Kings! What a pack! the Princesses, the Prince, and the Crown Heralds held the Trumps! With the QUEEN, Prince, Honours were easy.

BRITISH LION (rather limp). "WELL, IT HAS BEEN A SPLENDID SUCCESS!! AND NOW-A-WE MUST REALLY GET BACK TO BUSINESS!!!"

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM

THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday Night, June 20.-Very few here to-night. Majority away, either trying on their new clothes for Jubilee to-morrow, or, happier still, filed away from Town till Jubilee over. PICKERSGILL hears that Publichouses to remain open till Two o'Clock in morning, by way of honouring QUEEN's Jubilee. Wants to know if it's true? HOME SECRETARY practically admits the soft impeachment. Police been instructed not to take proceedings against Licensed Victuallers keeping open house till Two in the morning.

But," he added, in stern voice, looking for approval to Sir WILFRID LAWSON, licensed persons have been cautioned that, notwithstanding, they will be held responsible for drunkenness or disorder taking place on their premises."

WILFRID LAWSON not to be caught in net of that kind. Declared that Publicans keeping house open till Two in the morning would be liable to prosecution. More than hinted that steps would be taken to prosecute them.

Rumour current of arrangements made for night out tomorrow. WILFRID LAWSON, PICKERSGILL, ELLIS, PICTON, and SAM SMITH (in new Ulster On the prowl. for the occasion), made up little party to patrol the streets after midnight to-morrow. take note of Publichouses unlawfully open, and institute prosecutions. Quite a pleasant way of spending Jubilee evening.

Will

Bogus Petition on Coal and Wine Dues up again. Sir CHARLES FOSTER, in eloquent though inaudible speech, moved that "REGINALD BIDMEAD, having fabricated signatures to certain petitions presented to the House, has been guilty of contempt and breach of privilege." This Motion, if carried, involved imprisonment of BIDMEAD. BRADLAUGH Wouldn't have thing settled that way. "BIDMEAD only a tool," he said, carefully avoiding glancing at Alderman FOWLER. "If he's sent to prison, what shall be done to those who employed him ?" Enough if BIDMEAD were brought to Bar, and reprimanded. "The question is," said SPEAKER, "that BIDMEAD 'iscourse at the Bar."

After long conversation, Motion agreed to; House got into Committee of Supply, and having resolved to make it a short sitting, didn't adjourn till Two in the morning." As bad as a Publichouse on Jubilee Day," said WILFRID LAWSON. Business done.-Some Votes in Supply.

Called to the Bar.

66 Sergeant-at-Arms," " cried SPEAKER, in tragic tones, "is REGINALD BIDMEAD in attendance ?"

Sergeant-at-Arms, (leaving chair, standing at Bar). "Yes, Sir." SPEAKER, (with deeper tragedy in his voice.) "Then bring him up."

held in thraldom, and in what form would the Sergeant-at-Arms
House shuddered. "Bring him up!" In what depths was he
bring him up? In fragments-now a leg,
then a head, and anon an arm? Members
began to feel uncomfortable. Glanced
with alarm at SPEAKER, who sat in Chair
with pale face set in sternest lines. Silence
broken by approach of Sergeant-at-Arms;
at his side small pale-faced man with
immature whiskers fringing face of death-
like pallor. Both advanced to the Bar.
Sergeant-at-Arms gripped the Mace on
his shoulder, ready at moment's notice to
brain the offender, who trembled at his side.
"REGINALD BIDMEAD!"

It was the voice of the SPEAKER. Ter-
rible voice, to which the knees of the
prisoner at the Bar knocked in audible
response.

Very sorry, Sir, but that's me," they seemed to say.

SPEAKER proceeded, in tones of gathering solemnity, to recite brief history of the case, lapsing into exhortation, thundering into reproof, and concluding with the abrupt command, "You may quit the Bar."

"And may the Lord have mercy on your soul," was the involuntary response that fell from several Members whose feelings had been uncontrollably wrought up by the scene.

BIDMEAD did not wait for repetition of
instructions. Turned to flee, when he
observed that his escort was retiring back-Must keep up dignity of
Quickly turned about; commenced forlorn
wards, making obeissance to the Chair. Parliament."

through which he darted.
process of ducking, which happily landed him at the open glass-door,

Parliament," said H. J. WILSON, throwing himself into attitude
"Hard upon the poor fellow, but must keep up dignity of
suitable to the sentiment. And this is how we do it.
Business done.-Dignity of Parliament maintained. Some Votes

in Supply.

Friday.-House of Lords met to-day, with accustomed pomp and ceremony. LORD CHANCELLOR's stately presence adorned the Woolsack. The Mace on the Table, and so was the Purse, with, as usual, nothing in it. Seven Peers all told, majority sitting on Ministerial Benches, gave to gloomy Chamber a thronged appearance. At Half-past Four, the hour of commencing public business, LORD CHANCELLOR discovered that there was no business to transact. Accordingly proposed that House should forthwith adjourn. No one objected. LORD CHANCELLOR left Woolsack, and, preceded by Mace and the Purse, marched in procession down the House, his lithesome figure disappearing under the Gallery from the glances that lingeringly rested on it.

House of Commons a little more fully occupied. But they, too,
Thursday.-Full to-night.
had cessation from incessant labour. Pounded away through morn-
Every seat secured at prayer- ing sitting at Mines Regulation Bill; Counted Out when met again
time. No Ministerial Crisis at Nine o'Clock. A great day this for British Constitution.
threatening, no critical division Business done.-Got home early.
anticipated. Arrangements
being made to bring BIDMEAD

A PHENOMENON.-" Dat leetle JOSEF" HOFFMANN is a wonderful
He is always playing-happy child!-and yet when he is

to Bar, there to be reprimanded boy.

DUMB CRAMBO AT HENLEY.

by the SPEAKER. Members not playing he is working.
surfeited with excitement of
Tuesday, crowded in to see the
fun. Preliminary skirmish be-
tween BRADLAUGH and Ex-Lord
Mayor FOWLER, in which
Alderman came off decidedly
second best. This over, silence
and attitude of strained ex-
pectation fill over- crowded
benches.

"Now's your time," said
GENT-DAVIS, nervously rub-
bing his hands. "Cry Had-
G. D.'s knowledge of SHAKS-

dock! and let slip the dogs of War."
PEARE, as CAINE says, is extensive and peculiar.

BANK.

BG"Easy 'All."

Taking a Run on the Bank.

GARDEN, LANE, AND MARKET.

THE Jubilee Week was a bad one for Theatres and Operas. At Covent Garden there was another splendid performance of Un Ballo in Maschera. Quality was present, Quantity was absent. Enthusiasm great. Signor GAYARRE first-rate, and Mme. VALDA charming. Mme. SCALCHI could not appear, but she had an excellent substitute. In the Operatic Record of the Season, the Garden is still to the front.

At the Lane AUGUSTUS DRURIOLANUS leads his hosts with undefeated energy. So much for his hosts, but how about his guests? Well, they did not care much about his "Prima Donna Drammatica," and wished that she were more of the Prima Donna, and less of the Drammatica. Then the weather being warmer,

Mr. HARRIS brought out Norma;

in which Miss ENGLE (is she Engle-ish ?) was very nice as Adalgisa, and her appearance quite explained Pollio's little flirtation. In Don Giovanni the HAUK as Zerlina, came out as the Nightingale. Mlle. ARNOLDSON appeared as Rosina in Il Barbiere, and, if she is not yet a JENNY LIND or an ADELINA PATTI, she is, at all events, The success of the Drury Lane Season. She has everything in her favour, especially youth. May we have an Italian Opera House next year with Mlle. ARNOLDSON as one of the principals. Mr. Punch welcomes her, and thinks that she will obtain the ear and voice of the public; not of course in exchange for her own.

Les Huguenots was given at Covent Garden on Saturday. GAYARRÉ superb in Duel 'Scene; SCALCHI said appropriately, "No, No, No, No, No, NO1" to an enthusiastic encore; ELLA RUSSELL, as Margherita di Valois, electrified the audience with a high note; there never was a better Conte di Nevers than DEVOYOD; Mlle. SANDRA was nervous as Valentina; and (here comes poetry) CAMPELLO as Marcello, wasn't good, but didn't bellow. BEVIGNANI'S band and chorus excellent, and Music HALL, with a buttonholia gladstonensis in his coat, beamed on Royalty and a brilliant house.

The same evening, AUGUSTUS DRURIOLANUS was very much to the front," called" vociferously, with his Walpurgis Night Ballet in Faust. Mr. IRVING was in front to assist, if necessary.

At Her Majesty's, revival of The Colonel-(MAPLESON). PATTI is announced for next Friday. She's a dear creature, a very dear creature. Still, if she "draws well as she sings, the piper may be satisfactorily paid.

League," than Leader;-it would ba yard on me, to expect me to cut my hair and to cultivate compromise! MCCARTHY an inoffensive fellow. Much better than HEALY. Yes, decidedly-"Aut Justin, aut nullus."

WHAT THEY ALL THINK OF IT. Justin McCarthy.-Just been proposed to me that I should take "Titular Leadership of Irish Party in House of Commons!" PARNELL (whose health we all hope to see improve) wishes it, it appears. Feel T. P. O'Connor.-It strikes me PARNELL has forgotten my serutterly staggered by suggestion. Proud position, no doubt, but still-vices to the Party; how I won 'em a seat at Liverpool, for instance. am I the sort of person to lead TANNER, TIM HEALY, SEXTON, T. P. Feel I'm cut out for a revolutionary leader. Don't mind what I O'CONNOR, not to mention MICHAEL DAVITT, and the rest of the say, and not much what I do. JUSTIN not the only man in the world "boys" outside Parliament. And what does "titular" leader mean? who can write books. Would back my Gladstone's Parliament Strikes me the word is suspicious. PARNELL says, "I should make against his inflated History of Our Own Times, any day, both such a respectable figure-head." Query-is this complimentary or for style and accuracy. Fancy a Novelist at head of Clan-na-Gael! the reverse? I am sure it's meant to be flattering, but somehow it Still, better to have him than that bellowing bull, TANNER, or that doesn't sound so. Then if I accepted position, it would be positively straw-splitting limb of the law, HEALY. PARNELL says that JUSTIN necessary that I should do something which would force Authorities "divides the least." Yes, but oughtn't Nationalist leader in Parlia to put me in prison, as this is a sine quâ non for obtaining confidence ment to "divide" the most? of Irish people. Question is, what is the very mildest illegal act for which Government would be safe to lock me up? Might arrange matter amicably with BALFOUR, perhaps. Awkward if he refused me ink and paper in Kilmainham. Where would my novels be then? Yet Kilmainham would certainly give me some useful "local colour.' Yes, but then if I had to go a tour like O'BRIEN first, might get the local colour somewhere else all over my body, for example. On the whole think I'm like lamented IDDESLEIGH-haven't sufficient" go," -would rather write History than make it, any day of the week. Davitt.-Not good at game of "follow my leader," under any circumstances. Now PARNELL's shelved, think I might take his place, out of Parliament. Circumstances of course prevent my being leader in Parliament. Besides, I am so volatile-violent, I mean, and can't help breaking out now and then; and that would be awkward for G.O.M. Perhaps on the whole JUSTIN's the man. HEALY's name is TIM, which is fatal for a leader.

...

Dillon. As disinterested Patriot, of course don't care twopence about Leadership. Still, PARNELL might have asked me, I think. Does he forget how often I've led the Forty Thieves-I mean Forty Members, necessary to support motion for adjournment? Not sure, though, if it isn't more comfortable to be the "BAYARD of the

Tim Healy.-Ridiculous to think of "T. P." as my leader! Don't mind JUSTIN, at least not so much, but there's something blatant and even vulgar about the other one. In fact can't think what PARNELL's about if he does not recommend me for Leadership. Haven't I fought Crimes Bill inch by inch? Who's got so much legal-or perhaps I ought to say illegal-acumen as I Can't help being called TIM; besides, it's a Biblical name, and ought to commend me to hierarchy. Think I've a real gift for leading. So had PARNELL-it was thirty thousand in his case, I remember-mustn't say this to anybody, however.

Dr. Tanner.-Nobody seems to have thought of me to succeed PARNELL! Yet nothing succeeds like success, and I flatter myself I've gained a unique reputation in House for language that would disgrace a bargee. HEALY! A quibbling pettifogger. SEXTON! A rhetorical prig. T. P. O'CONNOR! Feeble imitator of my style. As for JUSTIN-well, he's less objectionable than rest, perhaps; but didn't he write History of Our Own Times. Never read the book, but strikes me a Nationalist who would act as chronicler of that blood-thirsty British organ is out of the running for leading Patriots. If it had been a 'History of our own P.M.G.," now, that would have been different.

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