the most invincible refiftance. It was no longer thofe ftimulating denials given to enhance the value of what is granted, nor yet thofe tender and modeft, but abfolute refusals which intoxicated me with love while I was forced to refpect them. They were the ferious repulfes of a decided mind, which coníders doubt as an infult. She reminded me with vehemence of thofe engagements formerly entered into in your prefence. "However it may be (faid fhe) with regard to me, you should fet a proper value upon yourself, and refpect for ever the promife of Emilius. My faults do not authorife you to violate your own promises. You may punish me, but you cannot force me; and be affured I fhall never admit your embraces.' What could I answer, what could I do, but try to move her, to foften her, to conquer her oblinacy by perfeverance? Thefe vain efforts at once excited my love and my pride. Difficulties inflamed my heart, and I made it a point of honour to furmount them. Never, perhaps, after ten years of marriage, and after fo log an eftrangement, did the paffion of a hufband blaze forth with more violence. I never, during the firit ardour of my paffion, fhed fo many tears at her feet: yet all was in vain-fhe remained inexorable,

I was as much surprised as afflicted, knowing well that this inflexibility of heart was not natural to her. I was not disheartened; and, if I did not overcome her obftinacy, I imagined I faw in it -lefs averfion. Some figns of forrow and pity tempered the bitternefs of her refufals; I fometimes thought it was with pain fhe denied

me-her languid eyes let fall on me fome looks not lefs forrowful, bat lefs wild, and which feemed to indicate compaffion. I fuppofed that the fhame of fuch exceffive caprice rendered her fo obdurate, that the perfevered as not being able to excufe herself, and that perhaps he waited only for a little compulfion, that the might feem to give to force what the dared not now bestow of herself. Struck with an idea which flattered my defires, I gave myself up to it with transport; I wished to pay this addi tional attention to her that I might fpare her the embarraffment of yielding after fo long a resistance.

One day, when carried away by defire, I joined to the most tender fupplications the most ardent careffes; I faw fhe was moved, I endeavoured to complete my victory, Oppreffed and palpitating, fhe was near yielding; when on a fudden, changing her air and whole deportment, the pushed me back with inexpreffible violence and agitation, and beholding me with an eye which fury and defpair rendered dreadful- Hold, Emilius (faid fhe ), and know that I am no longer your's; another has defiled your bed-I am with child-our perfons fhall never be united-" and, rufhing with impetuofity into her closet, the shut the door,

I remain confounded.

My friend, this is not the hiftory of the events of my life; they are little worthy to be related; it is the hiftory of my paffions, of my feelings, of my ideas. Suffer me to fpeak at large of the most terrible revolution that ever my heart experienced.

The greater wounds of the

mind, as well as of the body, do Lut bleed the moment they are given, nor is the pain they occafion immediately felt. Nature collects all her force to fuftain its violence, and the mortal wound is often given before it is felt. At this unexpected scene, at these words which my ears feemed to fhut out, I remain motionlefs, annihilated; my eyes close, a deadly cold runs through my veins; without fainting, I feel all my fenfes benumbed, all my faculties fufpended; an univerfal anarchy reigns in my mind, like the chaotick appearance of a changing theatre, when the prefent scene difappears to give place to a new creation.

I am ignorant how long I remained in this fituation, on my knees, and without daring to move, left I fhould discover that all which had happened was not a dream. I wish that this ftate of ftupefaction had lafted for ever. Being roufed at length, my firft fenfation was an inexplicable horror for every thing that furrounded me. I rife immediately, I ruth out of the room and down stairs, without feeing any thing, with out fpeaking to any one; I get out into the street, and, with hafty ftrides, fly away with the rapidity of a ftag, which thinks to avoid, by his velocity, the dart he carries buried in his fide.

Thus I ran without ftopping, without moderating my flight, into a public garden. The fight of day, and of the heavens, was a burden to me; I fought for darkness under the trees at length, being out of breath, I let myfelf fall, half dead, upon the grafs Where am I? What is become of me? What have I heard? What

a cataftrophe? Madman! what a chimera have you followed? Love, honour, faith, virtue, what is become of you? The elevated the noble Sophia, is nothing but a proftitute! this exclamation, extorted by defpair, was followed by fuch agonies of mind, that, choaked with my fobs, my breath and utterance remained fufpended. Had it not been for the ftorm of paffion that followed, this agony would have ftrangled me. O who could exprefs that conflict of different fenfations, which fhame, love, rage, forrow, pity, jealoufy, raifed all at once in my mind. No, fuch a fituation, fuch a war of paffions, cannot be defcribed. The intoxications of extreme joy, which by an uniform progreffion feems to dilate, and, as it were, rarefy our whole being, we eafily conceive. But when exceffive anguish affembles in the breaft of a fingle wretch all the furies of hell; when, wounded on every fide by a thousand different ftings, he feels all, without being able to diftinguish any; when torn a hundred different ways, by a hundred different cords-multiplied in his fufferings, he seems to lose the unity of his being, and every fingle torment takes up his whole existence. Such was my fituation, and fuch it remained during feveral hours. - How shall I picture it to you ? volumes would be neceffary to defcribe the fufferings of every fingle inftant. Happy mortals! you, whofe narrow and frozen minds are infenfible to every thing but the viciffitudes of fortune, undifturbed by every paffion but the defire of gain, may you always confider this dreadful state as a fiction, and never experience the

cruel

cruel torments, which the difunion of more worthy attachments occafions, in hearts capable of feeling them.

Our powers are bounded, and all violent emotions have their intervals. In one of those moments of fufpenfion, when nature prepares herself for new fufferings, I happened to think on a fudden of my youth-of you, my friend -of your inftructions. I recollected that I was a man, and I afked myself immediately, what injury have I fuffered in my perfon? what crime have. I committed? what part of myself have I loft? If at this moment I were to fall, fuch as I am, from the clouds to commence my existence, could I confider myself as an unhappy being? This reflection, quicker than lightening, illumined my mind for an instant: I foon loft this light, but it was fufficient to discover me to myself. I faw myfelf clearly in my place: the ufe I made of this moment of reafon was to learn that I was incapable of reafoning. The dreadful agitation that reigned in my mind prevented me from taking notice of any object: I was not in a condition to fee any thing, to compare, to deliberate, to refolve, to judge. All attempts, therefore, to difcover by deliberation what was beft to be done, would have been but an useless torment; they would have aggravated my fufferings to no purpofe, and my only care was to gain time, that I might compofe my fenfes and fettle my imagination. I believe this is the only thing you could have done yourself had you been prefent to inftruct me. Determined to let the fury of thofe paffions fubfide VOL. XXVI.

which I could not overcome, I fet about this refolution with a kind of voluptuous defperation, as having removed all the obftacles to my grief. I rife with precipitation, I proceed to walk as before without following any determinate path: I run, I wander, different ways; I give up my body to all the agitation of my mind; I follow its fuggeftion without reftraint; I put my felf out of breath, and, increafing the dificulty of refpiration by the frequency of my fighs, I feel myfelf at times on the point of fuffocation.

The violence of this exercife diverted my pain, by fufpending my feelings. Instinct, in violent paffions, fuggefts certain exclamations, motions, and geftures, which give vent to the fpirits, and turn the tide of paffion another way. Agitation is but a fymptom of rage. A gloomy filence is more to be dreaded; it is the neighbour of defpair. That very night, I experienced this difference in a manner almost to be laughed at; if any thing, that fhows the folly and mifery of mankind, could appear so to man.

After innumerable wanderings, of which I was altogether unconfcious, I found myfelf in the middle of the city, furrounded by carriages, in the neighbourhood of a theatre, and about the hour of its opening. I fhould have been trampled upon by the crowd, if fomebody, who pulled me by the arm, had not told me of my danger: I throw myfelf into a door that was open; it was a coffeehouse. I was there accofled by people of my accquaintance, who, after telling me I know not what, carried me I know not where. Struck

N

Struck with the found of mufick and the fplendour of lights, I come to myfelf, I open my eyes and look about me: I find my felf in the pit, on the night of a first representation, preffed by the crowd, and unable to get out.

I trembled; but I refigned myfelf to my fituation; I faid nothing; I preferved an air of apparent tranquillity, however dear it coft me. The noise was great, and of the perfons fpeaking on all fides of me, fome addreffed themselves to me; understanding nothing, what answer could I give? But one of those who had brought me there, having accidentally mentioned my wife, at this fatal name, I fent forth a piercing cry which was heard by all the affembly, and occafioned much noife. I quickly compofed myfelf, and every thing was quiet. However, having by this cry attracted the attention of those who stood round me, I fought the moment of efcape, and, drawing near the door by degrees, I at length got out before they had finished.

On entering the ftreet, happening to look at my hand, which I had kept in my bofom during the whole reprefentation, I faw that my fingers were stained with blood, and I thought I felt fome trickling down my breast. I open my bofom, I look, I find it bloody and lacerated like the heart it enclosed.

You may eafily imagine that a fpectator, undisturbed, in fuch circumftances, was no very good judge of the piece he had feen performed.

I quickened my pace, tremb ling left I should be again met with; night favouring my wanderings, I fet about walking the streets a fecond time, as if to make amends for the reftraint I had just experienced. I wandered for feveral hours without refting one moment; at length, being hardly able to fupport myself, and finding that I was near home, I enter, not without a dreadful palpitation of the heart. I afk where my fon is; I am told he is asleep; I remain filent and figh; my fervants wish to speak to me; I command them to be filent; I throw myfelf on my bed, and defire them all to go to reft. After a few hours repofe, worfe than the agitation of the preceding day, I rife before it is light, and croffing the apartments without noise, come to Sophia's chamber; there, unable to reftrain myself, with the moft defpicable meannefs, I cover with a thoufand kiffes, and bathe with a torrent of tears, the threshold of her door; retreating then with the fear and precaution of a guilty perfon, I walk quietly out of the house, refolved never to reenter it."

POETRY.