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A LAY OF ST. GENGULPHUS.

"Non multò post, Gengulphus, in domo suâ dormiens, occisus est à quodam clerico qui cum uxore suâ adulterare solebat. Cujus corpus dum in feretro in sepulturam portaretur, multi infirmi de tactu sanati sunt."

"Cum hoc illius uxori referretur ab ancillâ suâ, scilicet dominum suum quam martyrem sanctum miracula facere, irridens illa, et subsurrans, ait, "Ita Gengulphus miracula facitat ut pulvinarium meum cantat," &c. &c.

WOLFII MEMORAB.

ENGULPHUS comes from the Holy Land,
With his scrip, and his bottle, and sandal

Full many a day has he been away,

Yet his Lady deems him return'd full

soon.

Full many a day has he been away,
Yet scarce had he crossed ayont the sea,
Ere a spruce young spark of a Learned Clerk
Had called on his Lady and stopp'd to tea.

This spruce young guest, so trimly drest,

Stay'd with that Lady, her revels to crown;
They laugh'd; and they ate, and they drank of the best,
And they turn'd the old Castle quite upside down.

They would walk in the park, that spruce young Clerk,
With that frolicsome Lady so frank and free,

Trying balls and plays, and all manner of ways,
To get rid of what French people call Ennui.

Now the festive board, with viands is stored,
Savoury dishes be there, I ween,

Rich puddings and big, and a barbecued pig,
And oxtail soup in a China tureen.

There's a flagon of ale as large as a pail—
When, cockle on hat, and staff in hand,

While on nought they are thinking save eating and drinking,
Gengulphus walks in from the Holy Land!

"You must be pretty deep to catch weazels asleep," Says the proverb: that is, "take the Fair unawares ;" A maid, o'er the banisters chancing to peep,

Whispers, "Ma'am, here's Gengulphus a-coming upstairs."

Pig, pudding, and soup, the electrified group,
With the flagon, pop under the sofa in haste,
And contrive to deposit the Clerk in the closet,
As the dish least of all to Gengulphus's taste.

Then oh what rapture, what joy was exprest,

When "poor dear Gengulphus" at last appear'd!
She kiss'd, and she press'd "the dear man" to her breast,
In spite of his great, long, frizzly beard.

Such hugging and squeezing! 'twas almost unpleasing,
A smile on her lip, and a tear in her eye ;*

She was so very glad, that she seem'd half mad,
And did not know whether to laugh or to cry.

Then she calls up the maid, and the table cloth's laid,
And she sends for a pint of the best Brown Stout;
On the fire, too, she pops some nice mutton chops,
And she mixes a stiff glass of " Cold Without."

* Ενι δακρυσι γελασασα.—Hom.

Then again she began at the " poor dear" man ;
She press'd him to drink, and she press'd him to eat,
And she brought a foot-pan with hot water and bran,
To comfort his " poor dear" travel-worn feet.

"Nor night nor day since he'd been away,
Had she had any rest" she "vow'd and declared."
She "
never could eat one morsel of meat,

For thinking how poor dear' Gengulphus fared."

She "really did think she had not slept a wink
Since he left her, although he'd been absent so long."
He here shook his head,—right little he said;

But he thought she was "coming it rather too strong."

Now his palate she tickles with the chops and the pickles,
Till, so great the effect of that stiff gin grog,

His weaken'd body, subdued by the toddy,
Falls out of the chair, and he lies like a log.

Then out comes the Clerk from his secret lair;
He lifts
up the legs, and she raises the head,
And, between them, this most reprehensible pair
Undress poor Gengulphus, and put him to bed.

Then the bolster they place athwart his face,

And his night-cap into his mouth they cram; And she pinches his nose underneath the clothes, Till the " poor dear soul" went off like a lamb.

And now they try'd the deed to hide ;

*

For a little bird whisper'd, "Perchance you may swing; Here's a corpse in the case with a sad swell'd face,

And a Crowner's Quest' is a queer sort of thing!"

So the Clerk and the Wife, they each took a knife,
And the nippers that nipp'd the loaf-sugar for tea;
With the edges and points they sever'd the joints
At the clavicle, elbow, hip, ankle, and knee.

Thus, limb from limb, they dismember'd him

So entirely, that e'en when they came to his wrists, With those great sugar nippers they nipp'd off his "flippers," As the Clerk, very flippantly, term'd his fists.

When they'd cut off his head, entertaining a dread
Lest folks should remember Gengulphus's face,
They determined to throw it, where no one could know it,
Down the well, and the limbs in some different place.

But first the long beard from the chin they shear'd,
And managed to stuff that sanctified hair,
With a good deal of pushing, all into the cushion,
That filled up the seat of a large arm-chair.

They contrived to pack up the trunk in a sack,

Which they hid in an osier-bed outside the town, The Clerk bearing arms, legs, and all on his back, As the late Mr. Greenacre served Mrs. Brown.

But to see now how strangely things sometimes turn out, And that in a manner the least expected!

Who could surmise a man ever could rise

Who'd been thus carbonado'd, cut up, and dissected?

No doubt 'twould surprise the pupils at Guy's;

I am no unbeliever—no man can say that o' me— But St. Thomas himself would scarce trust his own eyes, If he saw such a thing in his School of Anatomy.

You

may deal as you please with Hindoos or Chinese, Or a Mussulman making his heathen salaam, or

A Jew or a Turk, but it's other guess work

When a man has to do with a Pilgrim or Palmer.

*

By chance the Prince Bishop, a Royal Divine,

Sends his cards round the neighbourhood next day, and urges his

Wish to receive a snug party to dine

Of the resident clergy, the gentry, and burgesses.

At a quarter past five they are all alive

At the palace, for coaches are fast rolling in; And to every guest his card had expressed "Half past" as the hour for " a greasy chin."

Some thirty are seated, and handsomely treated

With the choicest Rhine wines in his Highness's stock; When a Count of the Empire, who felt himself heated, Requested some water to mix with his Hock.

The Butler, who saw it, sent a maid out to draw it,
But scarce had she given the windlass a twirl,
Ere Gengulphus's head from the well's bottom said
In mild accents, "Do help us out, that's a good girl!"

Only fancy her dread when she saw a great head
In her bucket-with fright she was ready to drop :-
Conceive, if you can, how she roar'd and she ran,
With the head rolling after her bawling out "Stop!"

She ran and she roar'd till she came to the board
Where the Prince Bishop sat with his party around,
When Gengulphus's poll, which continued to roll

At her heels, on the table bounced up with a bound.

M