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Ere I reach'd Parnassus' top,
I thould burst, and bursting drop.
All my fire would fall in scraps ;
Give your head fome gentle raps ;
Only make it smart a while:
Then could I forbear to smile, ?
When I found the tingling pain,
Ent'ring warm your frigid brain;
Make you able upon fight
To decide of wrong and right;
Talk with sense whate'er you please on ; ;
Learn to relish truth and reason?
Thus we both should gain our prize ;
I to laugh, and you grow wife.
The DisCOVERY *.
7 HEN wise Lord Berkeley first came here,
Statesmen and mob expected wonders ;
Nor thought to find so great a peer
Ere a week past committing blunders.
Till on a day cut out by fate,
'When folks came thick to make their court,
Out ilipt a mystery of state,
To give the town and country sport.
Now enters Bush + with new ftate-aits,
His Lordship's premier minister;
And who in all profound affairs
Is held as needful as his clyfter 1.
• When the Earl of Berkeley went over to Ireland as one of
the Lords Justices, the author, in compliance with his invitation,
went over with him as chaplain and private secretary. But Bush,
another of the Earl's attendants, having insinuated, that the place
of secretary was not proper 'for a clergyman, found means, foon
after they arrived at Dublin, to obtain it for himself.-Swift,
fired with indignation at this injurious treatment, writ this satiri-
cal copy of verses. Swift.
f My Lord's wise secretary.
Always taken before my Lord went to council.
With head reclining on his shoulder,
He deals and hears mysterious chat, While every ignorant beholder
Alks of his neighbour, Who is that? With this he put up to my Lord,
The courtiers kept their distance due, He twitch'd his neeve, and stole'a word;
Then to a corner both withdrew.
Imagine now my
Lord and Bush
Whisp'ring in junto most profound,
Like good King Phyz, and good King Usht,
While all the rest stood gaping round.
At length a spark, not too well bred,
Of forward face and ear acute, ki so
Advanc'd on tiptoe, lean'd his head, 1 ;
To overhear the grand dispute ;
To learn what northern kings design,
Or from Whitehall fome new express,
Papists difarm’d, or fall of cain :
si For sure (thought he) it can't be less. My Lord, said Buih, a friend and I
Disguis'd in two old threadbare coats, Ere morning's dawn stole out to (py.
How markets went for hay and oats : With that he draws two handfuls out,
The one was oats, the other hay; Puts this to's Excellency's fnout,
And begs he would the other weigh. My Lord seems pleas'd, but still directs
By all means to bring down the rates ; Then, with a congee circumflex,
Bush, smiling round on all, retreats. Our littner stood a while confusid,
But gath'ring spirits wisely ran for’t, Enrag'd to see the world abus'd
By two such whisp'ring kings of Brentford.
That my Lord B-ley stinks when he's in
ID ever problem thus perplex,
Or more employ the female sex?
So sweet a passion, who would think,
Jove ever form’d to make a stink?
The ladies vow and swear they'll try,
Whether it be a truth or lie.
Love's fire, it seems like inward heat,
Works in my Lord by ftool and sweat ;
Which brings a stink from ev'ry pore,
And from behind, and from before :
Yet what is wonderful to tell it,
None but the fav’rite nymph can smell it.
But now to solve the nat'ral cause
By sober philosophic laws :
Whether all paffions, when in ferment,
Work out, as anger does in vermin
So when a weazel you torment,
You find his passion by his scent.
We read of kings, who in a fright,
Tho'on a throne, would fall to ih
Befide all this, deep scholars know,
That the main ftring of Cupid's bow,
Once on a time was an a gut,
Now to a nobler office put,
By favour or defert preferr'd
From giving passage to a't
But still, tho' fix'd among the stars,
Does sympathize with human a
Thus, when you feel an hard-bound breech,
Conclude love's bow-ftring at full firetch,
Till the kind looseness comes, and then
Conclude the bow relax'd again.
And now the ladies all are bent
To try the great experiment,
Ambitious of a regent's heart,
Spread all their charms to catch a f-
Watching the first unsav'ry wind,
Some ply before, and some behind.
My Lord, on fire amidst the dames,
Fts like a laurel in the flames.
The fair approach the speaking part,
To try the back-way to his heart.
For, as when we a gun discharge,
Altho' the bore be ne'er so large,
Before the flame from muzzle burst,
Just at the breech it flashes first :
So from my Lord his passion broke,
He farted first, and then he spoke.
The ladies vanish in the smother,
To confer notes with one another :
And now they all agree to name
Whom each one thought the happy dame.
Quoth Neal, whate'er the rest may think,
I'm sure 'twas I that smelt the fink.
You smell the stink ! by G--, you lie,
Quoth Ross, for I'll be sworn 'twas I.
Ladies, quoth Levens, pray forbear,
Let's not fall out, we all had fare;
And, by the most I can discover,
My Lord's an universal lover.
A Love Poem from a PHYSICIAN to
Written at London in the year 1738.
By poets we are well assurd
That love, alas ! can ne'er be cur'd;
A complicated heap of ills,
Despising boluses and pills.
Ah! Chloe, this I find is true,
Since first 1 gave my heart to you.
Now, by your cruelty hard-bound,
I strain my guts, my colon wound:
Now, jealoufy my grumbling tripes
Affaults with grating, grinding gripes :
When pity in those eyes I view,
My bowels wambling make me Spue.
When I an am'rous kiss design'd,
I belch'd a hurricane of wind.
Once you a gentle figh let fall,
Remember how I fuck'd it all ;
from thence I felt,
Had you but known, your heart would melt,
Like ruffing winds in caverns pent,
Till nature pointed out a vent.
How have you torn my heart to pieces,
With maggots, humours, and caprices!
By which I got the bamorrhoidi,
And loathsome worms my anus voids.
Whene'er I hear a rival nam'd,
I feel my body all inflam'd,
Which breaking out in boils and blanes,
With yellow filth my linen stains.
Or, parch'd with unextinguish'd thirs,
Small beer I guzzle till I burst :
• Dean Swift was not in London after the year 1727.