and what required the nicest judgment, and confequently could not be brought to any degree of perfection in lefs than fixteen years more. HEREIN I refolved to exceed the advice of Horace, a Roman poet, which I have read in Mr Creech's admirable translation, that an author fhould keep his works nine years in his clofet, before he ventured to publish them and finding that I ftill received fome additional flowers of wit and language, although in a very small number, I determined to defer the publication, to purfue my defign, and exhaust if poffible the whole fubject, that I might prefent a complete fyftem to the world. For I am convinced by long experience, that the critics will be as fevere as their old envy againft me can make them. I forefee they will object, that I have inserted many answers and replies which are neither witty, humorous, polite, nor authentic; and have omitted others that would have been highly ufeful, as well as entertaining. But let them come to particulars, and I will boldly engage to confute their malice. * FOR thefe laft fix or feven years I have not been able to add above nine valuable fentences to enrich my collection from whence I conclude, that what remains will amount only to a trifle. However, if, after the publication of this work, any lady or gentleman, when they have read it, fhall find the leaft thing of importance omitted, I defire they will please to fupply my defects, by communicating to me their discoveries; and their letters may be directed to Simon Wagstaff, Efq; at his lodgings next door to the Gloucester-head in St James's ftreet, (paying the postage). In return of which favour, I fhall make honourable mention of their names in a fhort preface to the second edition. In the mean time, I cannot but with fome pride, and much pleasure, congratulate with my dear country, which hath outdone all the nations of Europe, in advancing the whole art of converfation to the greatest height it is capable of reaching; and therefore, being entirely convinced that the collection I now offer to the public is full and complete, I may at the fame time. boldly affirm, that the whole genius, humour, politenefs, and eloquence of England are fummed up in it. Nor Nor is the treasure small, wherein are to be found at leaft a thousand fhining questions, anfwers, repartees, replies, and rejoinders, fitted to adorn every kind of difcourfe that an affembly of English ladies and gentlemen, met together for their mutual entertainment, can poffibly want: efpecially when the feveral flowers fhall be fet off and improved by the fpeakers, with every circumstance of preface and circumlocution, in proper terms; and attended with praife, laughter, or admiration. THERE is a natural, involuntary distortion of the mufcles, which is the anatomical caufe of laughter: but there is another caufe of laughter which decency re-. quires, and is the undoubted mark of a good tafte, as well as of a polite obliging behaviour; neither is this to be acquired without much obfervation, long practice, and a found judgment. I did therefore once intend, for the ease of the learner, to fet down in all parts of the following dialogues, certain marks, afterisks, or nota-bene's, (in English, markavells,) after most queftions, and every reply or answer; directing exactly, the moment when one, two, or all the company, are to laugh but having duly confidered, that this expedient would too much enlarge the bulk of the volume, and confequently the price; and likewife that fomething ought to be left for ingenious readers to find out, I have determined to leave that whole affair, although of great importance, to their own difcretion. THE reader muft learn by all means to distinguish between proverbs, and those polite fpeeches which beautify conversation: for as to the former, I utterly reject them out of all ingenious difcourfe. I acknowledge indeed, that there may poffibly be found in this treatise a few fayings, among fo great a number of fmart turns of wit and humour as I have produced, which have a proverbial air however, I hope it will be confidered, that even these were not originally proverbs, but the genuine productions of fuperior wits to imbellish and fupport converfation; from whence, with great impropriety, as well as plagiarifm, (if you will forgive a hard word,) they have moft injuriously been transferred into proverbial maxims; and therefore in juftice ought to be re fumed fumed out of vulgar hands, to adorn the drawing-rooms of princes, both male and female, the levees of great minifters, as well as the toilet and tea table of the ladies. I can faithfully affure the reader, that there is not one fingle witty phrase in this whole collection, which hath not received the stamp and approbation of at least one hundred years, and how much longer, it is hard to determine; he may therefore be fecure to find them all genuine, fterling, and authentic. BUT before this elaborate treatise can become of univerfal ufe and ornament to my native country, two points, that will require time and much application, are abfolutely neceffary. FOR, firft, whatever person would aspire to be completely witty, fmart, humorous, and polite, muft by hard labour be able to retain in his memory every fingle fentence contained in this work, fo as never to be once at a lofs in applying the right anfwers, queftions, repartees, and the like, immediately, and without ftudy or hesitation. AND, fecondly, after a lady or gentleman hath fo well overcome this difficulty, as never to be at a lofs upon any emergency, the true management of every feature, and almoft of every limb, is equally neceffary; without which an infinite number of abfurdities will inevitably enfue. For inftance, there is hardly a polite fentence in the following dialogues which doth not ab, folutely require fome peculiar graceful motion in the eyes, or nofe, or mouth, or forehead, or chin, or fuitable tofs of the head, with certain offices affigned to each hand; and in ladies, the whole exercife of the fan, fitted to the energy of every word they deliver; by no means omitting the various turns and cadence of the voice, the twiftings, and movements, and different poftures of the body, the feveral kinds and gradations of laughter, which the ladies muft daily practife by the looking-glafs, and confult upon them with their waiting-maids. My readers will foon obferve what a great compass of real and useful knowledge this fcience includes wherein altho nature, affifted by a genius, may be very inftrumental, yet a strong memory and conftant application, together with example and precept, will be highly neceffary. For thefe reafons I have often wifhed, that certain male and female inftructors, perfectly verfed in this science, would fet up fchools for the inftruction of young ladies and gentlemen therein. I remember about thirty years ago, there was a Bohemian woman, of that fpecies commonly known by the name of gypsies, who came over hither from France, and generally attended ISAAC the dancing-mafter, when he was teaching his art to miffes of quality; and while the young ladies were thus employed, the Bohemian, ftanding at fome distance, but full in their fight, acted before them all proper airs, and heavings of the head, and motions of the hands, and twistings of the body; whereof you may ftill obferve the good effects in feveral of our elder ladies. After the fame manner, it were much to be defired, that fome expert gentlewomen gone to decay would fet up public schools, wherein young girls of quality, or great fortunes, might firft be taught to repeat this fol lowing fyftem of converfation, which I have been at fo much pains to compile; and then to adapt every feature of their countenances, every turn of their hands, every screwing of their bodies, every exercife of their fans, to the humour of the fentences they hear or de liver in conversation: but above all to instruct them in every fpecies and degree of laughing in the proper feafons at their own wit, or that of the company. And if the fons of the nobility and gentry, instead of being fent to common fchools, or put into the hands of tutors at home, to learn nothing but words, were configned to able inftructors in the fame art, I cannot find what ufe there could be of books, except in the hands of those who are to make learning their trade, which is below the dignity of perfons born to titles or estates. It would be another infinite advantage, that, by cul tivating this science, we should wholly avoid the vexations and impertinence of pedants, who affect to talk in a language not to be underflood; and whenever a polite perfon offers accidentally to use any of their jargon terms, have the prefumption to laugh at us for pro nouncing nouncing those words in a genteeler manner. Whereas I do here affirm, that whenever any fine gentleman or lady condescends to let a hard word pafs out of their mouths, every fyllable is fmoothed and polished in the paffage; and it is a true mark of politeness, both in writing and reading, to vary the orthography as well as the found; because we are infinitely better judges of what will please a diftinguishing ear, than those who call themselves fcholars, can poffibly be; who, confequently, ought to correct their books; and manner of pronouncing, by the authority of our example, from whofe lips they proceed with infinitely more beauty and fignifi cancy. BUT, in the mean time, until fo great, so useful, and fo neceffary a defign can be put in execution, (which, confidering the good difpofition of our country at prefent, I fhall not defpair of living to fee), let me recommend the following treatise, to be carried about as a pocket companion, by all gentlemen and ladies, when they are going to vifit, or dine, or drink tea; or where they happen to pass the evening without cards, (as I have fometimes known it to be the cafe, upon difappointments or accidents unforeseen); defiring they would read their feveral parts in their chairs or coaches, to prepare themfelves for every kind of conversation that can poffibly happen. ALTHO' I have, in justice to my country, allowed the genius of our people to excel that of any other nation upon earth, and have confirmed this truth by an argument not to be controuled, I mean by producing fo great a number of witty fentences in the enfuing dialogues, all of undoubted authority, as well as of our own production; yet I must confefs at the fame time, that we are wholly indebted for them to our ancestors; at leaft, for as long as my memory reacheth, I do not recollect one new phrase of importance to have been added; which defect in us moderns I take to have been occafioned by the introduction of cant-words in the reign of King Charles II. And thofe have fo often varied, that hardly one of them, of above a year's ftanding, is now intelligible; nor any where to be found, excepting a fmall number |