So, because I had been buying Things for my Lady

laft Night, I was resolv'd to tell my Money, to fee if it was

right. Now you must know, because my Trunk has a

very bad Lock, Therefore all the Money I have, (which, God

knows, is a very small Stock,) I keep in my Pocket, ty'd about my Middle,

next my Smock, So, when I went to put up my Purse, as God

would have it, my Smock was unript ; And instead of putting it into my Pocket, down

it lipt:

Then the Bell rung, and I went down to put my

Lady to Bed; And, God knows, I thought my Money was as

safe as my Maidenhead. So, when I came up again, I found my Pocket

feel very light, But when I search'd, and miss'd my Purse, Lord!

I thought, I should have sunk outright: Lord! Madam, says Mary, how d’ye do? Indeed,

faid I, never worse : But

pray, Mary, can you tell what I have done with my Purse! Lord help me, said Mary, I never stirr'd out of

this Place : Nay, said I, I had it in Lady Belty's Chamber,

that's a plain Case.


So, Mary got me to Bed, and cover'd me up warm; However, she stole away my Garters, that I might

do my self no Harm. So, I tumbled and toss'd all Night, as you may

very well think; But hardly ever set my Eyes together, or dept a

Wink. So, I was a-dream'd, methought, that we went and

search'd the Folks round; And in a Corner of Mrs. Duke's Box, ty'd in a

Rag, the Money was found. So, next Morning we told * Whittle, and he fell a

swearing; Then my Dame + Wadgar came, and she, you

know, is thick of Hearing: Dame, said I, as loud as I could bawl, do you

know what a Loss I have had ? Nay, said she, my Lord || Collway's Folks are all

very fad;

For my Lord § Dromedary comes a Tuesday with

out fail ; Pugh! said I, but that's not the Business that I ail. Says ** Cary, says he, I have been a Servant this

Five and Twenty Years, come Spring; And in all the Places I liv'd, I never heard of such

a Thing.

B 2


Earl of BERKELEY's Valet. + The old deaf HouseKeeper.

GALWAY. § DROGHEDA, who with the Primate were to succeed the two Earls.

** Clerk of the Kitchen.

Yes, says the Steward, I remember, when I was ať

my Lady Shrewsbury's, Such a Thing as this happen'd, just about the Time

of Goofeberries.
So I went to the Party suspected, and I found her

: full of Grief;
(Now you must know, of all Things in the World,

I hate a Thief.)
However, I was resolv'd to bring the Discourse

sily about;
Mrs. * Dukes, said I, here's an ugly Accident has

happen’d out:
'Tis not that I value the Money † three Skips of a

But the Thing I stand upon is, the Credit of the

House :
'Tis true, Seven Pounds; Four Shillings, and Six

Pence, makes a great Hole in my Wages; Besides, as they fay, Service is no Inheritance in

these Ages. Now, Mrs. Dukes, you know, and every Body

understands, That tho’ 'tis hard to judge, yet Money can't go

without Hands. The Devil take me, said she, (blessing her felf,) if

ever I saw't! So the roar'd like a Bedlam, as thof I had callid her all to naught :


[ocr errors]

* A Servant, one of the Foct nen's Wives. + An usual Saying of hers.

So you know, what could I say to her any more?
I e'en left her, and came away as wise as I was

before. Well: But then they would have had me gone to

the Cunning-Man: No, faid I, 'cis the same Thing, the Chaplain will

be here anon. So the Chaplain came in. Now the Servants say he

is my Sweet-heart, Because he's always in my Chamber, and I always

take his Part; So, as the Devil would have it, before I was aware,

out I blunderd, Parson, said I, can you cast a Nativity, when a

Body's plunder'd ? (Now you must know, he hates to be call'd Parfon

like the Devil.) Truly, says he, Mrs. Nab, it might become you to

be more civil: If your Money be gone, as a learned Divine says,

d'ye see, You are no Text for my handling, fo take that

from me: I was never taken for a Conjurer' before, I'd have

you to know: Lord, said I, don't be angry, I am sure I never

thought you so: You know, I honour the Cloth; I design to be a

Parfon's Wife; I never took one in your Coat for a Conjurer in all With that, he twisted his Girdle at me like a Rope ;

my Life.

as who should say, Now you may go hang your self for me, and so

went away. Well; I thought, I fhould have swoon'd: Lord,

said I, what fhall I do? I have lost my Money ; and I shall lose my True

love too. So, my Lord call’d me ; * Harry, said my Lord,

don't cry,

I'll give something towards thy Loss: And says

my Lady, so will I. Oh! but said I; what if after all, the Chaplain

won't come to? For that, he said, (an't please your Excellencies,) I

muft petition You.

The Premisses tenderly consider'd, I desire

your Excellencies Protection : And that I may have a Share in next Sunday's Col

lection : And over and above, that I may have your Excel

lencies Letter, With an Order for the Chaplain aforesaid; or in

stead of him a better. And then your poor Petitioner, both Night and Day, Or the Chaplain (for 'cis his Trade,) as in Duty

bound, shall ever pray.


A Cant Word of my Lord and Lady to Mrs. HARRIS.


« ForrigeFortsett »